Wednesday, May 3, 2017

What We Keep of Childhood {& Last-Minute Mother's Day Ideas}


It's my earliest memory. My mom sat on the edge of the couch pushed up against a wall and I stood in front of her in my long, Laura Ingalls-style dress while she tied the bow in the back. There were hard floors and light poured through a door or window to my right. I have no idea why this particular moment lodged itself in the archives of my childhood. My mom says I was awfully young to remember it, but she wouldn't put it past me.

There are a handful of isolated snapshots from the years and homes that came after. I remember running down the halls of the brick ranch for the first time, the floor plan, the flowered brown couch, the time our neighbor boy Jimmy got stuck in the mud and it took several grown men, my dad included, to yank him out.

"A successful life is measured in successful days, and successful days are measured in successful moments. Successful moments hide in places where we don't think to look at first, but they are waiting there to be celebrated." - It's Okay About It by Lauren Casper

I remember moving to the farm, the way the upstairs walls would thicken with frost in the corners each winter and how it sometimes made the most sense to sleep down on the living room floor next to the wood stove. Summers meant gardening, canning, stacks of library books, push-up pops. I remember the annual trip to K-Mart to buy a few pairs of shorts, a few tank tops, and flip flops. And I remember asking my mom why her things were still in the bag. "Oh," she said casually, "I think I'm going to go ahead and return those. I don't really need them." I remember knowing she did need them, and the quiet tension of struggle and understanding hollowed a sacred place in my soul, bit by bit. We crafted slip 'n slides from the roll of plastic found in the eaves of the barn. We put a trash bin at the bottom of the tall slide and called it our swimming pool.

Along the way, my parents sacrificed for us in ways I'm only beginning to understand. School activities. Picture days. Extravagant bags of bing cherries and fruit-on-the-bottom yogurt because my mom knew I loved them. Perms to try to keep my large ears from poking through my thin, lank hair. Our one family vacation, where we drove from Ohio to California in a Pontiac Sunbird. Angel food birthday cakes with strawberries in June. Cheese and pickles in front of the tiny, black-and-white television. Michael W. Smith cassette tapes. Youth group trips. Hot breakfasts. Prom dresses. College. A wedding that wasn't, and eventually a three-tiered wedding cake and pots of lavender for each table.

It's equally thrilling and terrifying to imagine which moments in time will be carried by my kids into adulthood. Over the years, I've boiled down my role as a mom into five little words: Feel Safe and Feel Loved. If I can accomplish that, I can sleep at night.

But what I've learned from my own mom, from the first mamas of my kids, and from battling selfishness myself is that road to safety and love is paved with surrender, sacrifice, and relentless optimism.

Today, I'm feeling grateful for Nancy Louise, and for all of the women who have mothered me along the way.

~

I'm here for you with a few last minute Mother's Day gift ideas!
* I'm obsessed with these hand-cut paper silhouettes. (Nici's entire shop is SO RAD.)
* Find a cute, vintage mug and fill it with teabags, coffee beans, or a gift card to a coffee shop.
* A photo canvas makes such a special gift! We use Canvas People and they're running a 65% off sale right now.
* Flowers and plants always win! Stick one in a vintage colander to bump up the special factor.
* Books 4-Ever!!! It's Okay About It: Lessons from a Remarkable Five-Year-Old about Living Life Wide Open by Lauren Casper came out this week and it was such a sweet read on motherhood, adoption, special needs, and discovering the joy of being surprised.

PS - If you subscribe and receive my updates through your email (and I hope you do!) I accidentally got overly sentimental while writing this post and loaded it up with links to a bunch of posts from my archives. (Some are 9 years old!) I'm still not the best at this tech-trickery, but if you have trouble seeing all of the blue links, just click through the email and read it in your browser. And if it's totally not a problem at all, just forget I brought it up. ;)


2 comments:

  1. I so enjoyed all the heart in this post. Just beautiful~~~

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  2. Did you listen to Jamie Ivey interview Lauren on the Happy Hour? It was so good and Lauren has the sweetest voice. She just exudes patience and understanding. Looking forward to checking out her book!

    ReplyDelete