Thursday, February 25, 2016

Why February is the Loneliest Month



On Monday I took the longer way home, bypassing the street that leads to my door and looping one block over. I traipsed heavy-footed in my industrial boots across snow that had been packed down to thick patches of ice. Salty cars soldiered bleary-eyed to work and the occasional semi-truck heaved its way north. At twenty minutes to eight, I told myself no one cared that I was basically still in my PJs, with yesterday’s stubborn eyeliner still smudged around my eyes and settling into the lines I’d  rather ignore. I took a swig of my morning cup of denial and swallowed it down. I’m basically invisible right now.

Crouching down to sidewalk level, I tried to find something beautiful between the brittle skeletons of last year’s glory and the snow, snow, snow.

I did my best to strong-arm February into a more manageable, classic kind of lovely, but everything seemed a bit grubby and sad. It was years ago that I learned to truly see my world through the lens of a camera. The revelation left me wondering how I’d managed to live more than than thirty years with 20/20 vision, yet half-blind.

I might see more clearly now, but when both the life and the landscape look empty I tend to feel stuck. I walked the rest of the way home with my phone zipped inside my pocket. There’s no story here. My optimistic edges receded back to a dusky blue. Click here to continue reading.


7 comments:

  1. Sometimes I'm almost afraid to read your posts, because you see into my head and heart. I've been so down, and, while I can point to a number of factors, it is more than the sum of them. Cultivating a thankful spirit has helped, February being my birthday month helped (for one day), and the prospect of seeing some beloveds this weekend has stirred my dead heart. But when I heard birds singing this morning (after a tornado destroyed people and property two hours from us yesterday), I was miffed. Thank you for giving words to my thoughts and inviting me to live the straggling remaining days of February.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Thanks for being "in this" with me. Hope it's sunny wherever you are today.
      (Oh, and "miffed" is such a great word!) :)

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