Monday, November 30, 2015

Kicking Consumerism in the Teeth

Step One
Gather a stack of old catalogs and/or magazines. Bonus points if they feature Best Gifts of 2015 guides or any single item priced over $30. Triple bonus points if they try to make you feel bad about buying a roll of red and green paper along with a bag of those stick-on bows from Kroger and calling it a day.

Step Two
Gather additional supplies.
  • circle paper punch (I found mine at Michael's but this one is similar.)
  • scissors
  • spool of white thread
  • tape (double-sided is best!)
Step Three
Make a cup of tea in a winter-themed mug, because we aren't barbarians here. 

Step Four
Queue up instrumental Christmas hymns or Broadchurch on Netflix. Whatever. It's up to you.

Step Five
Page through your catalogs, scouring for interesting color and pattern.

Step Six
Punch circles until the cows come home or you know who killed Danny, whichever comes first.

Step Seven
Sandwich two circles onto the thread with a tiny piece of double-sided tape, spacing somewhat evenly between circles, but it's not like anyone's going to take a tape measure to it...

Step Eight
Fling your finished garland about. (The tree! The walls! The headboard of your bed!)

You can't possibly imagine how therapeutic this entire process is.

I laugh in the face of Cyber Monday! I toss my thinning hair over my bony shoulder in righteous indignation over your $270 throw, Garnet Hill! I refuse to buy into the lie that normal children make their beds, Land of Nod! Serena and Lily, YOUR PRICES ARE WHACK!

But you sure do produce lovely circles for my garland, and for that, I thank you.

Hey, hey. It so happens I have an extra catalog garland burning a hole in my pocket. Leave me a comment telling me anything holiday related - anything in the world! - and I'll send it to one of you.


*Check out my other junk-magazine crafts right here.