Monday, September 14, 2015

Of Course, Of Course

One of my most guarded secrets is that I don't really like animals HEAR ME OUT.

It's not that I don't like them, it's just that don't really like them.
It's an "I'm just not that into them" sort of situation, kind of like the book from the early 2000's but without the self-loathing, low self-esteem, and crying jags.

I feel strangely protective of animals. I don't wish them any harm. More than once I've caught myself pondering the mental health of our cat, Howard. (He enjoys licking Calvin's hair when he gets out of the shower and I'm no expert, but doesn't that scream feline psychological maladjustment?)

But the point of this post isn't really that I'd rather not hold your cat or that I'm slightly afraid of large animals because I once fell off a horse and twisted my ankle, or that when I see a human person letting a dog lick its face, it gives me the visceral shakes.

The point of this post is that I can't stop buying animal paraphernalia.

It started after we left the farm. And it confuses me deeply.

No amount of self-reflection could have prepared me for the moment I was minding my own business, traipsing through a barn sale with my friend Emily, and came upon a piece of animal art, rendered entirely from magazine pages.

I repeat: It is a farm animal magazine collage.

You know how I am about magazine handicrafts!

Yada yada, Stop it.

   
I casually walked past it, pretending to be normal. I browsed around outside, trying to make myself feel what it would be like to not take it* home with me. Then I slowly turned around and said to Emily, "Just fyi, I'm going to spend up all my pocket cash and buy a big picture of a horse."

"Okay", she said.


Tell me you blame me, even a tiny bit.
IMPOSSIBLE!

{Artist: Shelly Henning}


Turns out, it didn't fit in my checked baggage, so I shoved my purse into my carry-on and called this my personal item. Amazingly, no one questioned me. ( < horse miracle)

And that's the story of how I keep continuing to decorate with animal-themed objects, even though I it's not 1986, I live in the city, and I'm not a fan of animals.


For more animal-themed decor (<< something I never imagined writing at any point during my life), check out my gigantic cow canvas, which used to live over the couch but has wandered over to the kitchen. {Source: Whatever Shop}

And if you're anywhere near Thomasville, NC, be sure to check out the Chartreuse Barn Sale.

It was SO good!

* I know literally nothing about horses, so I can't tell if this is a man horse or a woman horse, but I do know that it doesn't deserve to be called "it". I'm taking name suggestions in the comments, and if yours is connected to a funny story, I'll love you forever.




40 comments:

  1. Oh my gosh! I LOVE the collage for so many reasons! (And I feel the same way about animals, btw. I'm not an animal person. Likewise, I wish them no harm, but I just don't love them like I love people. The end.)
    And the collage!! I save pieces of magazine pages, color coded, and I'm still not exactly sure what I'm going to do with them - but, man. I like that horse!! That was a completely legitimate purchase - well done. And this friend Emily - was it Emily Freeman, by any chance?? You two lucky ducks!! I just finished watching one of her videos before I came over here this morning. :)

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    1. Yes, it was Emily Freeman! I knew I forgot to link something...thanks.
      And especially thank you for carrying out the whole animal theme with your comment. :)

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  2. I'd end up calling him Mr Ed because I'm boring like that...

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    1. You are ANYTHING but boring.
      And I named my giant cow "Cow", so...

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  3. Our kitty does the same thing to our son's hair...she can't stand it being wet. We figured she was being maternal. Now he is 15 and she, just short of tackling him will still do it (makes me gag) It will be a funny happy memory. I love our pets but I hate the fur. Cat/Dog hair, It's what's for dinner. Barf.

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  4. Call her 'Mag', in tribute to the magazines she originated from! I am the same way...I currently have 3 cow paintings/pictures, 1 donkey and and a horse. It's an illness I tell you! Good find;-)

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  5. I don't know that I've ever analyzed my animal feelings, but I really think you've really hit the nail on the head for me! (Sorry- I couldn't think of an animal expression to use). Some of them are cute, but it seems a majority are just a form of rodent or dog.. and I even have a dog. Dogs licking people's faces or eating their food? NOPE. Gross and gross. Anyway, I really like your horse portrait. I'm so intrigued as to how she did that with magazine scraps! Very cool. I vote you name her Princess Charlotte, for obvious reasons. ;)

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  6. Tell me that horse's name isn't Dolores. I used to work with a raspy-voiced woman of a certain age named Dolores. She had a very hard time keeping her eyes all the way opened. Plus, I don't think she tried that hard. Sometimes I would tell her something scandalous just to try to shock her into opening her eyes all the way. Her eyelids would stay in the exact same spot, and she would just swing her head around and look at me *JUST LIKE THAT HORSE IS DOING*, and say in her slow, raspy drawl, "Get outta here."

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    1. This is the best thing I've read in weeks and years. Viva, Dolores!

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    2. It's totally a delores! Loved your story!

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  7. when i was young and had a propensity for storytelling i would to brag to my friends that i owned a beautiful horse named Sassy Brat. she was an Arabian and was stabled at my grandfather's house in the country. i have NO CLUE how this tale developed in my elementary- aged mind! my grandpa lived in a tiny house in the city...we were not "horse people"...how did i even know horses could be Arabian?...and Sassy Brat? i can't even.

    i think your horse looks more like a Little Lady though.

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    1. OMG. This cracked my business up SO BAD. Kids are the best! We were all the weirdest BEST!

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  8. My former work colleague, who lives half a world away, has somehow acquired a hairless cat (without checking with me)... and is (help me Jesus) always posting photos of her "sunshine" or her "sweetie pie" or "mama's baby"... IT IS A GIANT RAT and I can't say anything, I definitely can't like the photos and yet I can't unfriend her. I suppose I could unfollow but the occasional not-hairless-cat photo makes me need to stay... So this is a warning, that if you acquire a photo of a hairless cat, I don't know you well enough to be committed to staying on this blog, despite the cute photos of the smalls and the occasional amazing story from the bigs. Seriously.
    Rant over. And lord help me if she also somehow randomly follows your blog and reads all the comments...!

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    1. It is 4am and I am awake cry-laughing at this comment! :)

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    2. Resisting urge to not post naked/hairless cat photos here... except it's not much of a battle because - Gah! So gross!

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    4. Can't even.
      And your warning is duly noted. I cannot blame you one bit!

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    5. I only just happened to check back into the comments on this page and read this. Now I'm laughing at the fact that I got everyone laughing. But seriously, what do I do about the hairless cat photos... ?!

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  9. LOL!! What a great post. LOVE the horse portrait!! You are such a wonderful writer and observer of the world and people (including yourself). I vote to name her Dolores! Love that story:)

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  10. we are the SAME!! i don't do animals. people are so confused by this. "i don't care if they exist, i just don't want them to touch me." is what i always say to people while they are staring blankly at me. i knew i liked you.

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  11. Henrietta would be a good name. She was my brothers hamster who ate my hamster, and in order to make me feel better about the loss of tedrow(my hamster), my brother gave her to me. I accepted the peace offering of Henrietta, and forgave her for her violent appetite: a story of redemption. ;)

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  12. O my word. These comments are more entertaining than the original post! (And that's saying quite a bit!) If only I could think of a name with a funny story so I could be loved forever.................

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  13. Henning the horse, after the artist!

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  14. Henning the horse, after the artist!

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  15. All I know is that Elisa F and Annet need to contact me immediately so that we can become the BFF's we were so stunningly meant to be. I love (and agree with) every single thing about the original post and now this comment thread may go down as the best thing to ever happen to the interwebs.

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    1. I am honoured and would love to be your new BFF... you can see i'm committed to friends through my lack of inability to stop following them on fb even when they post giant rat photos of their "babies". :)

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  16. Love this post! Love the picture! Love your blog! Agree about the animal feeling....although once our youngest turns 5 we are getting a dog. And I'm ok with that. I think.

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  17. She looks like a "Maggie" to me. ;-)

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  18. The obvious name of the horse seems to be Clarence...not to be confused with Clearance, who is his cousin from Jersey.

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  19. The obvious name of the horse seems to be Clarence...not to be confused with Clearance, who is his cousin from Jersey.

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  20. the wonderful thing about these animals as that they won't slobber on you, beg to be petted, or leave *anything* behind to be picked up or stepped in. i think that it's perfectly logical why you like animal art!

    its name can't be Clarence because its a GIRL. the eyes tell that, plain and clear! i'm horrible at naming things, but i'll weigh in with Mystique...Mysti for short.

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  21. Name the horse Little Bit! When I was a kid, I got bit by a Shetland pony name Little Bit. I learned the hard way what the Bit in Little Bit meant!!!

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  22. I recall a slumber with a gal named Lacey

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  23. I hear you loud and clear. I have an empathy for animals, once even bringing home a stray cat from Winn Dixie! We named her Dixie and had her for several years before giving her to a good home (I felt so guilty)! People could not believe that I actually had allowed an animal in my home. I'm the gal who wouldn't hold my cousins kitties until she gave me a newspaper to put on my lap first. True story. I don't want to hold other people's animals or see them licking their faces either. And, please, please, don't let your dog breath heavy in my face. Ewww! But, I do like to see animals treated humanely and I've been known to pet a cat or two on a good day. Dixie would be a good southern name for your horse, if you decide it's a girl.

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  24. Horse name suggestion: "Gone with the Wind." Our neighbors used to have racing horses (and they always have long names), and I've heard it told that the particular horse with this name was called this because it would often "let wind", if ya know what I mean. :)

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