Monday, May 4, 2015

Scenes from a Throw-Back

It's Monday morning, and I'll confess, I could use a little tenderness.

Don't we all feel this way on the kind of Monday mornings that start on the slow side while rain pings the pane? Or is it just me?

Complicating matters, I'm fresh off an Ohio adventure with Si and Ruby. Just get ready, people. Prepare yourselves to be deluged with numerous play-by-plays all summer long. Here's a preview: food, hammock (hom-mock, not hammick, what is wrong with everyone???) salsa, flowers, pie, books, ice cream, pickles, books, hammock, naps, GOODBYE FOREVER.

Are you excited???

Me, too.

I've had some trips to Ohio this past year that were real duds, but this weekend made up for every single one of them.

There's something about the way the breeze blows through the screen off the tulip poplar that takes me back to my childhood, and when you're pushing 39, anything with the power to do that deserves a place of high honor in your heart.

Today, I'm 38.11 going on 13.

On Friday I left the kids at the homefront and drove over to Columbus for my first ever Women of Faith event. WHAT THE MIND-BLOWING WHAT.

A few of us showed up. Just a few.

If you have the chance, you need to gather up your girls and go. You can still use the code FARMGIRL20 for $20 bucks off!

The speakers blew me away, Sandi Patty sang with her entire, blended family and brung the house wayyyy down, causing all of us to wonder if they hold auditions for prospective in-laws.

Which had me thinking, what kind of family variety show could the Martins have if our life depended on it? The best I could come up with was a show where we tell jokes, cook, and lounge around.

Would you put that on your DVR?

Confession: I don't actually know what a DVR is.
I barefly know how to operate our DVD remote. But that's why we have Silas.

WoF strangely gave me lots of time for contemplation. We were in a packed-full stadium, but big crowds put me in a really insular frame of mind. I jotted a hundred notes for my current writing project. I pondered God and love and what matters most about all of it.

I don't know if it's normal to do that. Is it? I'm super thinky lately. I'm way inside my head and it's all fine and well, but I'm going to have to eventually come out. It can get a little wonky in here, and I'm not just saying that because I dreamed last night that I was chosen to go on a date with a young millionaire who ended up trying to kill me.

That sounded more awful than it was.

Don't worry, there was no blood or gore, just me hiding under a pile of blankets in an attic room and knowing if he found me, I was a goner. I hope this isn't stressing you out. Go in peace.

Spoiler: He CAME INTO THE ATTIC ROOM looking for me and I was all, "Can he see these blankets moving ever so slightly from my breathing????" Then he left the room, I was still alive, and when I woke up, the blanket was pulled over my head and my right hand was so asleep, it felt like a dead person's hand when my alive hand touched it.

I feel like I've lost my way in this post. Just a tad.
I feel like I came here to be optimistic and pensive and thoughtful and fun, but now I'm just weirding everyone out.

The hotel had a profusion of full-length mirrors, and like DVRs, our home is entirely devoid of them. I couldn't stop staring. It felt like a brand new world. So I took a selfie in one while I waited for an elevator, in awe of the way my head is connected to an actual body.

Related: I shared this with my friend Jen at WoF and I know it's true because I've had this thought consistently for the past three conferences I've attended: If I were in charge of a conference, I would enforce a dress code of jeans, gray t-shirt and converse.

No T, no kicks, no service.

What would that be like? And why do I keep having this thought?
I'm not sure if it falls into the "things that really matter" column in my brain.

But it might.

Another deeply profound thought from the weekend: food, books, and flowers feed my soul.
This isn't really newsworthy.

But I thought of all the dumb things I spend money on, and at the end of the day, they don't even feed me. They don't return me to myself. They don't give me joy. They might give me a little endorphin surge or something, but in the past month I've bought two cheap shirts that I don't even love anymore. I probably never did! (Will I ever escape this soul defect???)

On the other hand, I've never regretted a single flower, even though at least half of them end up dead.
I've also never regretted taking the time to feed myself and my people well.

This feels like an epiphany, or maybe like the Holy Spirit, which is actually something else I've been thinking a lot about lately...but that's another story for another day, because daaaang, the HS is sort of the most amazing thing ever.

Driving home last night with the windows down, I came upon the gift of a radio station that plays 90's music all weekend.

In other words: MY DREAM RADIO STATION. I knew every song, even though I haven't heard some in over 15 years. That's what I call muscle memory, people.

After a weekend where I felt a bit like a kid again, this was the Universe telling me it's okay to grow up, and it's okay to stay small, and somewhere inside of us live all those selves; the scrawny, bookish kid with the lace-up K-Mart tennis shoes, the middle schooler who owns the world on her new 10-speed bike, the 15-year old plagued by the thought that boys won't ever think she's cute enough, the 18-year old who runs off to college without looking back, the 19-year old who sings every one of these songs because she believes there's a place for her in the world and she finally understands she doesn't have to hold all the answers in order to live in it.

Here's to another top-notch week, lady frands.

Play List (Because you know you were wondering...)
Santana - Smooth: "And if you said, 'This life ain't good enough' I would give my world to lift you up"
MC Hammer - U Can't Touch This: "So move, outta your seat and get a fly girl and catch this beat"
Gin Blossoms - Found Out About You: "I was yours and you were mine forget it all"
Collective Soul - Heaven Let Your Light Shine Down: "Teach me how to speak. Teach me how to share. Tell me where to go. Teach me where to go. Tell me will love be there."
Verve Pipe - The Freshmen: "We tried to wash our hands of all this. We'd never talk of our lacking relationships"
Nirvana - Come As You Are: "Take a rest, as a friend, as an old memoria..."
Goo Goo Dolls - I Won't Tell No One Your Name: "And scars are souvenirs you'll never lose, the past is never far"
Mr. Big - Be With You: "When it's through, it's through. Fate will twist the both of you"
Oasis - Champagne Supernova: "Wake up the dawn and ask her why a dreamer dreams she'll never die" (<<< dream alert!!!)
PM Dawn - Set Adrift on Memory Bliss: "Destiny is everything, reality is replaced with you"
The Proclaimers - I'm Gonna Be: "And when the money comes in for the work I do, I'll pass almost every penny on to you"  ("almost" lol)
Puff Daddy - I'll Be Missin' You: "Seems like yesterday we used to rock the show, I laced the track, you locked the flow"