Friday, March 27, 2015

Hot Boots

I've often wished I were a more normal person, but the sad reality is, weirdness follows me around like Tom follows Jerry.

I can go almost nowhere without strangeness happening, and it's not just that it happens when I'm there, it usually happens to Actual Me (see this and #2 of this post) or, at the least, in my immediate proximity (like this.)

I'm the magnet, situational comedy the metal. (May I remind you. Also.)

Though this makes me an awkward person to travel with, it can also be fairly entertaining. Except for the time said "awkwardness" happened to be a near-miss with a would-be band of mayhem-makers on a flight from the Dominican Republic to O'Hare airport. Please don't ask Cory to corroborate this story, because it's still a bone of contention. BUT I WAS THERE. I KNOW INFERRED WHAT I KNOW INFERRED AND SAW WHAT I SAW. I didn't write imaginary goodbye letters to my children for nothing.

All of that to say, I've been keeping a secret.
I'm so sorry.

It happened back in October and it's taken me this long to feel comfortable sharing. I don't know why. Or maybe I do. Whatever.

See, I bought these boots in Arkansas, back in July. I was boot shopping at Country Outfitter with a gaggle of friends and we tried on ALLLL of the boots. Even though a gift certificate was involved, I felt squirrelly about spending the money, plus I have problems with boots because 1) I'm already tall and 2) twig ankles.

At the very, very last second, I spotted these, fell in love, and brought them back to my hotel with me, but that just sounds creepy.

I think they were hidden from me until it counted. No one else saw them. They were a mirage rainbow boot miracle. I LOVE THEM VERY MUCH.

Yada, yada, I wear them all the time.
They work with everything, or at least I say they do.

It's no surprise that I wore them to the airport when I was leaving for a couple of back-to-back trips. What WAS surprising was when I was sitting mindlessly at my gate in a chair that almost seemed too fancy to be for a regular person, when a man approached me. I saw him from my peripheral vision, but dared not look up, because he must have just had poor depth perception and was actually heading somewhere else. He had to have just been a crooked walker.

When it was obvious he was getting ready to speak to me, I looked up to see a youngish, handsomeish man wearing a full suit and tie.

Too bad for me, Cory and I were just wrapping up a Blacklist bender, so when the man wordlessly passed me a single, folded piece of paper, I assumed he was getting ready to bomb the joint or abduct me.

I remember I was wearing a coral sweater, and I'm sure my cheeks matched its hue as I stammered, "Uh, for, uh, me?"

He nodded. Just once.


Handed me the paper, then turned and walked away. Without a single word.

I was suddenly feeling clammy and weird. Though I wanted to know what the paper said, I was terrified to look.

From the corner of my eye, I watched the suited man hand over his boarding pass, and board a plane headed for It Totally Doesn't Matter. He never looked back, which was comforting and interesting, in light of the slip of paper in my claw hands.

Only then did I unfold it, quite sheepishly, my eyes darting around the perimeter.

And then I fainted dead away.

Because WHO does this stuff happen to? Was this real? Were there cameras somewhere?

I texted Sarah, who dropped every important thing she was doing to engage in the sort of banter we haven't enjoyed since college.

Following much discussion, we agree he wasn't hitting on me, which is the only way this story can be retold, so hallelu. There are a hundred possible conclusions, but the one that seems most plausible is that this was a man simply overtaken by the power of the unicorn boots.

Was he fashion-savvy? Yes.
Safety-conscious? Indeed.
Did he carefully protect his anonymity? He sure did.

He also wisely left his options open for 2015 with that "this year" remark.

Don't get too excited, Shannan.
Every business man on the planet knows 2014 was lacking in "hot" footwear.

As for me, I'm heading to Dallas for a few days, by way of the O'Hare airport. I'm sure I'll come home with stories.

Single Weirdest Person Always,


  1. This is the best! You are the best! Can't wait for travel stories.

  2. This is the best! You are the best! Can't wait for travel stories.

  3. Best.ever. wish I could get that text today! I need it! Wish we had that text convo that day (do we?)

  4. i love this! thanks for finally being willing to share.

  5. this may possibly be the best Friday morning blog post ever.... :)

    wish more people were like this!

  6. That is toooooo fantastic!!!!!

  7. Love this! Makes me think of all the random notes you could pass to other people - because I would do things like that (you know, in my head...)

  8. Oh my gosh, I'm so glad you shared this story - one of my favorites :-) haha.

  9. The power of words! You may just have to wear the boots with your shorts this summer and see if any more notes are passed your way!Or, loan them to a lonely single girl who could use a pick me up! Happy trails to you in your hot fashion item!

  10. This made me laugh out loud! I'll totally take those boots if you feel like loaning them out!

  11. That is too funny! I think you are kindred spirits with my husband who also has weird encounters with people. One time he was mowing the lawn and a stranger rode up on a bicycle and asked him if he happened to have a Beach Boys tape on him. ummm, no. Makes for good stories, though. :) Happy travels to you!

  12. This is the best story. THE BEST. Never stop telling it.

  13. Dying!!! I can't believe you've held out on us since OCTOBER!

  14. The best story ever! What a rush!

  15. Love this! Makes me want to hand out compliment notes!!

  16. i love the blacklist. i have binged it all. except yesterday's episode. i hate that i'm caught up, but i love that you watch it.
    i'm also glad that you are a weird magnet.
    i am too. no one is surprised when i tell them a story. they just say, "of course. that happened. to you."

  17. What a great story! Thanks for sharing! (And that man has good taste because you do have great fashion sense. :)

  18. We're adventure magnets- a dash of shyness (to be safe) a pinch of whimsy (just a little that makes the mundane fun) and a jolt of daring (to continue the fun). Strange things happen to me, too. Just embrace it!

  19. Angels Unaware... just sayin'. Or, de boot fairy!
    Love You to pieces!!

  20. I love this so much! And you better have those boots in Dallas right now.

  21. are these them?

  22. I love this! Airports are my all time favorite for people watching and meeting. I once saw a lady who came in her flannel pj's (no joke!) and slippers. My then 6 year old daughter thought this was the absolute best thing ever! 20 minutes before our flight boarded pj lady disappeared and when she came back she was wearing a power suit, high heels, and a fancy do and make up. People are so facinating! But really, I love airports.

  23. This is possibly the best airport story ever.

  24. This is possibly the best airport story ever.

  25. First, thank you for saving this story for such a time as this. You are like esther in this way- maybe God brought you here just to share this story.
    Also, this reminded me of being a teenager. Growing up, there was a girl in my youth group that was just outrageously beautiful. Seriously. She was just glamorous without trying. Which meant she had no idea how pretty she really was (is?). So she would put on her moms fake fur coat and a pair of oversized only the paparazzi wants to take a photo of these sunglasses, and we would drive to the airport. Then we would "bump" into her and pretend she as famous and get her autograph. Sigh. Oh the Las Vegas airport. You were just good times. pretty soon people around us we're asking for her autograph. Brilliant.

  26. I don't know if I wish I were the giver or the recipient of the note, it's such a cool story!
    Makes me wonder what other greatness you have in that vault of yours.
    Hope you have a grand time here in the big D.

  27. Hilarious! Made me giggle out loud!

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