Wednesday, January 7, 2015

Still


Last month when I was at power barre...

Back up.

Guys, I went to a legit power barre class. IT'S THE EXACT OPPOSITE OF EVERYTHING I AM OR WILL EVER BE. My friend Jolene made me do it. I loved it and hated it, but at the end of the day, I loved it. But I hated it.

The good news is, the hole in the butt of my only pair of yoga pants is finally the size of a quarter so I guess I can't go back until I buy new ones. Modesty and dignity and all that.

Never in my life have I been less motivated to shop online, and I'm not just saying that because the only "tall" yoga pants I know of are sold through Victoria's Secret.

Anyway, after a set of crazy-crazy songs with booming back-beats and strange "luxury hotel" lyrics, the instructor turned all the lights down to tiny blips and we stretched to a song I'd never heard, Let's Be Still by The Head and the Heart.

It's entirely possible this is presently the most popular song in the land. Don't feel bad if you can't stop yourself from saying something like, "Shannan! What is wrong with you? What do you mean you've never heard that song?" I won't feel bad about it. It's my lot in life to be behind the times exactly enough that I'm fully aware of my awkwardness.

Yada yoga, I loved the song. It stuck with me.
I thought it was resonating with me so much because it was two weeks before Christmas, and because strenuous activity makes my body sad.

Come to find out, it's January 7th, and I still keep singing it in my head. The lyrics instantly lower my blood pressure and remind me I always have a choice. Sometimes the right thing is to run and respond and react and rage. Sometimes it's to grab the fuzziest blanket and close the door.

Last night I had a margarita with one of my favorite homegirls after a PTO meeting and with so much kindness in her eyes, she asked if I was okay. It took me off guard, because I view myself as almost irrationally chill about life. A therapist (not my own, long story) once asked me what caused my "emotional detachment" and I promptly left the room and never went back.

I mean, potato, potahto. What she saw as emotional detachment I see as the uncanny ability to remain calm almost all the time unless there's blood involved in which case I WILL FREAK.


But the feelings wedged deeply inside, the ones I bat around and smooth over and tidy up, they eventually come out and this space is often the scene of the crime, if you will.

It's a hard knock life around here. We're surrounded by hurting people, and contact burns are real.
We've spent and spent and spent in the most satisfying ways over the past month, now and then feeling the deficits.

But life is so, so good. The hard stuff is the best stuff.
Stretching means changing. Moving means growing.

We're readier than ever to grab life by its ears and kiss its face off.

But just for a moment, let's be still. You know?
It's the only way to weather this weird existence.

Today already feels like a freight train. There's so much to do, so much shifting around and deadlines and meetings and...and...and...the best starting point I can think of is to simmer a pot of chicken stock for four hours.

Everything past my window is bright white and the sun is making me so happy.

Let's do what we gotta do today. Get it done. Signed, sealed delivered. Etc...
But leave some space to putter around in argyle socks and read another chapter of the book you just started.

I'm unilaterally giving you permission to do whatever it takes to keep your heart light today.
Barring narcotics.


The world's just spinning
A little too fast
If things don't slow down soon we might not last.
The world's not forgiving
Of everyone's fears.
The days turn into months the months turn into years.
So just for a moment, let's be still

33 comments:

  1. I want to tell you a) I love you for all you are and b) I hadn't heard the song either so don't worry. But it's a grand song, thank you for the intro.

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  2. Love this post. Also, try The Gap for yoga pants. I am 6 feet tall, and love them!

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  3. So these books you keep sharing keep wrecking my life. So I wrote a post about the books I read this year because I loved that my life was taken out of just my little comfortable circle. And I promptly lost two subscribers. Oops.

    I love you. Seriously. I'm in awe of you and loved your top ten post. (And you sent Jen Hatmaker beets! Amazing!)

    Oh, and I've never heard that song. :)

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    1. Let the haters go. And honestly, there will be more. At least they went quietly. ??
      Keep speaking the truth, Amber. There's no other way.

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  4. Love that idea. I'll remember that later and either read some of a book or work on crochet. Not necessarily *after* everything else is done. Thanks for the reminder! :)

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  5. So of allllllll your amazing-heart-pounding-tears-rolling-convicting posts I have read and loved of yours, THIS is the first post I comment on??! But from one tall (mostly legs) girl to another... American Eagle has yoga pants you can order in "long". Only online though. Right now they are buy one-get one 50% off.

    Oh... and I love The Head and the Heart. Rivers and Roads. :)

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    1. I feel like you're trying to make me go back to power barre...

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  6. I'm going to add to the yoga-pants-for-tall-folks convo and say ALLOY! I'm pretty sure it's for teens (you can take a quiz to find out who your Hip Hop Hottie is today on the homepage), but they have EXTRA LONGS and are cheap! http://www.alloyapparel.com/product/mobile/essential+yoga+pant+177899.do?sortby=ourPicks

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    1. I FEEL LIKE YOU'RE TRYING TO MAKE ME GO BACK TO POWER BARRE!

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    2. Um no. Yoga pants are for watching Netflix and eating chips. Nothing else.

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  7. You are going to faint at the prices, but Eddie Bauer has yoga pants for tall women. I buy pretty much all of my pants from them now.

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  8. HA! I haven't heard it either! And it totally resonates. Thanks for the intro! :)

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  9. Kohl's has Fila yoga pants in Long. Hard to find in the store but maybe you can find them online. I usually skip the yoga pants and go straight to the capri. Tall girls unite against the struggle of finding yoga pants that don't look like we are a in a flood!

    We are in the middle of moving to a new house with no actual move date in sight, and I start a new job next week. Its stressing me out and at times feels like too much to bear. Then I remember these are good problems to have and I make myself relax on the couch and snuggle the baby a little tighter and be still.

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    1. Girl, we have a windchill of -20 this week.
      I considered the capris...then God saved me from barre yet again by bringing the chill!

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  10. This has nothing to do with your post EXCEPT the picture of your cardinal mug/cup brought me such happiness. My grandparents had bird mugs like that - the ones I remember were a bluejay (bluebird?) and a yellow one. (I obviously don't know birds, but I know sentimental dishware.)
    I am going to have to google what a power barre class is because I also don't know fitness class terms except zumba and step aerobics.

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  11. Mostly, I'm just glad you discovered the amazing-ness of The Head & the Heart. Especially this song. I've long been a fan. I've seen them in concert once. And would love to again. Welcome to my world. : )

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  12. She's not lying people!!!! I've seen her reaction to blood! Ha!
    Love hearing your heart today, sister!

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  13. Glad you are back. I also take the same view on emotional detachment. But you must be way cooler than me because Maragritas after PTO trumped my hand in life here days.
    I am living on the edge, planning to try out a cranberry based salsa if the grocery store still has any fresh cranberries to offer.

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    1. If they have fresh cranberries...buy 10 bags and freeze them like I do! Investment in the future. :)

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  14. i love the head and the heart. i have never heard this song. that's how i roll. #ginghamstyleforevs

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  15. Love love LOVE The Head and the Heart!! My husband and I saw them in concert in December! That's one of my favorite songs too, totally resonates with me. Oh, and you can also find tall yoga pants at aerie.com. And they don't even have writing across the butt! Score!

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  16. Love reading your blog!
    I have a song called "Still" - this is it if you care to listen! It helps keep me still when I need to stop spinning!
    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=m_JVWXYVDrU

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  17. We have the same taste in book - have you read There Is No Me Without You? you'd love it http://melissafaygreene.com/books/there-is-no-me-without-you - if you decide you like it, I can give you more titles to wreck your life - I am finishing up Love Does per your suggestion - One Child by Tori Hayden might fit your fancy too - I loved all her books. I also know songs because of going to Jazzercise that I would otherwise have no idea about - my children always say - 'How do you know that song?" like I just came out of a time capsule or something .... lol have a wonderful day - your blog is my favorite (and I read many)

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    1. I read it last year and LOVED it. Are you liking Love Does?

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  18. Perhaps I will read this each morning until being still is less of a discipline and more of a joy.

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  19. I truly live under a rock. I do not know that song, but I am way behind the times too. . . . And I have no idea who carries long yoga pants. I'm always looking for the short ones that aren't capris. I'm 5'2", lady. The two of us shopping for yoga pants together would be a disaster. I would also never try to force you back to Power Barre class. I took yoga one time with a friend and humiliated myself so badly I felt like ugly crying. Then I realized I'm an adult and I don't have to go back if I don't want to - and I never will. Yoga is so not my thing. Not that it has anything to do with Power barre, but, whatever. I'm rambling. Ah, but yes - we got here via the yoga pant crisis. Indeed. I agree that they are better for Netflix and salsa!

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  20. Nebraska has been hit by the arctic chill. Stand still to long and we will be froze to death. A peek of sunshine a high of 26 and 40 mph winds. I power barred w/ my snow shovel and American Bulldog by my side. Now I will be more grateful for sweet potato soup and sitting still. This song 'life goes on long after the living is done' . Stuck in my head for weeks and the 'boss' Santa Clause is coming to town. Lord, help us.

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  21. Yoga pants are all that fits - or have fit since I hit month 4 of preggers. I have two black pairs and one gray. If I get a hole in any of these, I'm in big trouble. Also, when I sit down, they are about 3 inches above my ankles. True story.

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