Friday, January 3, 2014

A Dilemma Involving Pants


*
If you wonder why I've been posting at odd hours recently, it's because I've been practicing my special gift of Wasting Entire Days. I am legendarily good at this, even without much practice. And I don't at all mind admitting that for two days straight, I slept until 9:45.

Morning people? I don't get you. I never will. So, please don't tell me in the comments things like, "I wish I could sleep in, but I can't!" Here's a tip from a girl who knows a thing or two about this: You could if you were wired as a night owl from birth. You could if you went to bed every single night after midnight, stirred multiple times due to any of the following: stirring kids, stirring cat, sinus issues, toddler-sized bladder, ridiculous and/or stressful dreams; and then "woke up for the day" approximately 6.5 hours after you started.

This is a cross I have to bear.

I'm slightly, chronically sleep deprived.
I'm a girl who prefers to stay up late and sleep in later.

We can still be friends. I'm almost positive.

Here's some exciting news: I have $50 of Christmas cash burning a hole in my pocket. This hasn't happened in a very long time.

I've been stewing over what to spend it on and every idea I throw out, I follow with, "But once I spend it, I won't have it anymore." And then Cory wrings his hands and shakes his head and simply says nothing at all. Because it's all been said so many times before.

I just like knowing I have something waiting. I get a strange thrill over thinking about a good thing and, even thought actually having the good thing might classify as even better, it's not a risk I'm willing to take. I like to drag these things out.

To that end, I window-shopped the J Crew clearance sale last night at 1 a.m. I put 5 things in my cart, whittled it down to 4, hunted down my tape measure and clocked my waist and hips, whittled it down to 3, then real-quick shut the whole thing down and went to bed, because I can probably live without royal blue cords and tuxedo chinos. And once I spend it, I won't have it anymore

Then I couldn't fall asleep.

You might not know this or care, but J Crew has grown decidedly strange in recent years. It's all too fancy and way too expensive. I think I remember hearing there was a brouhaha over Jenna Lyons trying to make J Crew more couture and less accessible.

But the clearance is an extra 40% off right now. 
She must hate that so bad.

I thumped my pillow, then flipped it over and started from scratch. I thought of a few different things I could wear with the things I had just pretended to buy, but had failed to actually buy. So I nudged Cory around 2 a.m. and said, "I'm going to do my usual thing of - if it's still there in the morning, it'll be a sign, and I'll buy it." He snorted awake and said that sounded like a good idea, but I feel like he may not have really meant it.

Then I said the other thing I sometimes say. It's eerily similar to the first thing I sometimes say. "But if I spend my cash, then I can't go blow it on dumb impulse buys at Target." He didn't weigh in on that one.

The main problem was, the tuxedo stripe chinos had a warning. "Only a few left!"

I fell asleep, waking several times over the dark hours due to the cat and a terrifying dream that Robert lost his job and tried to tell me he couldn't get another job until he was treated for post-partum depression. "It happens to Dads, too."

I finally fell into a good rhythm sometime around 6:30 and woke up officially at 9:45. But now I'm just repeating myself.

I came down, had a quiet bowl of Cocoa Puffs, then fired up J Crew again.

This time, only 2 items made it into my cart, because I somehow grew more discerning overnight while I wasn't really sleeping, and do I really need another gray t-shirt, even if it does have both stripes and dots?

But today's big problem? I homed in on the disclaimer, "Final sale! Items cannot be returned or exchanged!" Because the truth is, yes, it's increasingly hard to find pants that fit, and yes, I had several outfit ideas involving both items in my basket (Hayley would be so proud!), but at the end of the day, I don't know for sure what size I am in J Crew land.

Complicating matters was the fact that the cords were sized in those weird 20's sizes and the tuxedo striped chinos were sized in the passe, American way. Further complicating matters was the moment when I realized that technically, I had two different sized pairs of pants in my basket.

Which size am I?
I DON'T KNOW! That's the problem!

And if I'm being honest, the total with shipping clocks in at $70, which I'm sure we can float that extra $20, but there's that whole "If they don't fit you can't return them" thing.

So I shut it down. AGAIN.

But there's also the whole "No one in the universe except J Crew carries my size of pants. Not even Gap, anymore, and yes, I'm still sort of bitter."

I'm so sorry to bring you into all of this.
It really wasn't my intention.

You might say this falls under the heading "First World Problems", but I would counter that it really falling under the sub-heading "This House is Too Deliciously Quiet and I Have Too Much Time on my Hands Problems" with the sub-sub-heading "All My Current Pants Are Old and Saggy and Have Holes in Unfortunate Places".

Maybe I should check and see if both things are still there. Right now. And if they are, then it's an actual, official sign. Hold on...

Uh-oh.
Oh man.

Such a gamble.

TO BE CONTINUED...



* What I normally wear. I also have a dilemma involving shoes...

52 comments:

  1. Bahahaha. I completely followed this rationalization....but I can't buy clothes online unless they can be returned in store.

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  2. you are cracking me up. seriously. because this is so me. it took me FOREVER to order one necklace from Bourbon and Boots. Because I had a gift card. And I couldn't decide. Should I spend it all on just one thing? Or should I use it to buy a gift? Or maybe try to eek two things out? Isn't it wasteful to just get one custom necklace? And shipping!! Ugh. Finally I clicked PAY NOW. And it is done. Fingers crossed.

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  3. This post is simultaneously so totally too much and not nearly enough; it is with great trepidation that I most eagerly await its continuation.

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  4. For a post about pants this was extrememly entertaining and held my attention to the end. You are such a great writer, and funny! I can totally relate to the whittling down of your cart. I was on loft.com recently and did the same thing. Added items to my cart..and then closed the browser window. I logged on the next day and only one of the five items I added were still in stock. Guess it just wasn't meant to be! ;) That or I am extremely indecisive.

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    Replies
    1. You should know: I have a coupon for 20% off anything at Loft SITTING IN MY WALLET. Do you want it??? haha. (But really?)

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  5. I can so relate! Have you heard of Twice? (http://www.liketwice.com) I am recently addicted... they sell JCrew, AND, free returns if things don't fit. I think I have almost overhauled my entire wardrobe in the last six months for way less then buying things from their actual stores. Feel free to use my link for $10 off your purchase if you'd like :) (Now you'd have $60 to spend!) liketwice.com/gVFKt Good luck on the decision making! (I hope I didn't just complicate things.)

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    Replies
    1. Ugh! I need talls, too. Check back - they add new stuff every day. I've found crazy sizes on a whim several times. Good luck :)

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  6. You just described the angst I feel every time I try to buy some new clothes for myself. It would be so much easier if clothes that fit me and my style would just magically appear in the closet!

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  7. $50 is a terrible thing to "waste". I totally understand.

    Also, this morning on my 5:30 a.m. date with my treadmill, I watched the Pilot episode of "New Girl", due to your high praise and continual recommendations. I was in my (freezing cold and dark-because-the-motion-sensitive-light-is-stupid-even-though-I'm-in-continual-motion-on-the-treadmill-duh!) garage laughing out loud at the antics of Zooey (which, I assert, should be pronounced zoo-ee) and her newfound friends. Thanks! I may look forward to the treadmill now. Eh..........probably not!

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    Replies
    1. Holla! You should know that compared to every other episode, the pilot was actually quite "meh".
      So --- Pres on!

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  8. Too funny and tragic at the same time!! Lol. Praying for some clarity for ya sister :)

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  9. I am experiencing the SAME THING with my Christmas cash. Except instead of pants, my dilemma involves rugs and rugsusa.com's 70% off sale. GAHHHHHH.

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    Replies
    1. Based on how I first read your blog name, this fixation makes perfect sense! :)

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    2. But as you've said: if we spend our Christmas cash, it will be GONE. :(
      But if we spend it: then we will have the things we're eyeballing.
      I repeat: GAHHHHHH.

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  10. I so feel you, sister. No one else has ever been able to put words to why I own 7 different colors of lip gloss from Target but don't own winter boots that keep my feet both dry and warm. I am currently trying to keep myself out of Target until I can spend my Christmas cash on jeans that I sorely need (one pair is long enough with no awkward inner thigh holes and the other pair is not long enough and I'll leave you guessing). Thank you for getting me.

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  11. Too funny! Going to the mall tonight, and I may just peak my head into J Crew for fun. I have $50 burning a hole in my pocket too. Saw this cool file holder at Mishawaka Antiques the other day. If it's still there, it's mine!

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  12. AHHHH the dilemma.....I have the opposite problem. I am vertically challenged and the petites are too short and the "short" is too long. SO...I never buy pants on line....

    BUT, on a happier note....I have pumpkin cinnamon roll dough rising on the counter! YUM!

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    Replies
    1. Just an infomercial from down south....The pumpkin cinnamon rolls were A.MA.ZING! My man-child declared that he wanted them for his birthday "cake".

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    2. We had some for breakfast, too!
      They really are delish.

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  13. I tried on a dress, a sweater, and a plaid blouse from the J Crew clearance section this past weekend, and all of them went back on the rack. Ms. Lyons, snort.

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  14. A good pair of jeans is seriously worth any amount of angst. Well-fitting jeans are my personal holy grail. Myth? Legend? Quite likely an oxymoron.

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  15. Don't do it! It would be so sad if you used your christmas money and they don't work! Do the stores carry your size? Or just online? Because if they carry it in the store, if it were me i'd be calling every j crew within 2 hours of my house, asking for any pants in my size in the clearance section. . .then have them hold the pants and get in the car! Any chance there are a few stores within driving distance for you?

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    Replies
    1. Homegirl, thank you for the support. IF ONLY stores carried my size in the store.
      Do you feel this pain?????
      I'm taller than your dad and narrower than your kid. It's a problem.

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  16. Oh man, I do not want to make an already precarious situation worse, BUT.... do they have tall sizes on www.factory.jcrew.com? I wouldn't know, because I'm 5'3" on a tall day, but that's where I usually get my J.Crew fix. And I see they have 40% off clearance too...

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  17. Ha, I'm so not an online shopper - and if I was it is a quick in and out thing - I despise shopping, am I allowed to say that on your blog? The last time I needed jeans (as in the others were completely worn in the crotch and sagging bad, I walked into old navy, told the gal what I needed, she handed me a pair to try, I put them on directly then and there under my dress, and boom, they were right. Bought two pairs so that I don't need that trauma for another 6 months or so.... and all this to say that I'm not an online shopper and I read to the very end, wondering what you would do and then enjoyed the comments just as much!

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  18. I'm kind of creeped out by this, because I DO THIS. I even do it in the store in person. Sometimes I walk out of the store after trying something on that I need and love and then leave it. Then I go back in later the same day or maybe the next and the cycle goes on again. It's kind of insane. My husband says, "Just by the stupid shirt already and lets be done with it." I think he's right.

    Oh, and 9:30 should be the normal wake up time by American standards, if I were making the standards.
    ~FringeGirl

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  19. Have you ever read the book Quail Can't Decide?
    Totally you.

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  20. It is like throwing away good money to buy things that you can't return and may not fit!! Pants are hard! Go to the thrift store and buy lots of wonderful things over a looooonnnngggg length of time.

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  21. oh, we were on the same channel..I did the same thing gave up and ordered for my son...hang in there and yes, read Quail Can't Decide...good one Jo Ann and we are opposite because 4 am has always been my wake up call...even if I tried to change...happy shopping

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  22. I so get you as I am a night Owl myself since birth! I think you also look like a Sundance Catalog type Gal and they too have an extra 40% off clearance.

    Our Goodwills out her often get J Crew. Happy thinking !!!

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  23. I often walk through places like Target, seeing things I would love to have, but cannot buy. Then later when I get a gift of a gift card, I go back and nothing seems as great as I thought it was before. I mean, they are still great, but using the gift card on it means I don't have the gift card (freedom of financial possibilities) anymore, so I totally get you.

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  24. Ok, I totally LOVE the shoes. Must know the brand.

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    Replies
    1. Converse One Star from Target, bought about 4 years ago and splitting at the seams. :)

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  25. This is my life right now! Only I have bigger problems (literally). I got $250 cash for Christmas, and our budget since September has given this girl exactly $0 spending money each month! Now, I pretty much won the lottery, and I am paralyzed because, well, to whom much is given... I feel like I have to make it count and spend it on something big that I really need. So one day I'm trolling Craigslist looking for a new kitchen table and chairs, and the next day I'm trying to figure out how much the supplies to build a pantry would cost. Oh, the agony...

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  26. Tall, tall, tall. Me, you, and my poor boy. I finally found Old Navy carries 36L for him in slim waist sizes. A slim 6'5" does not go well with retail stores in general. Now I'm no longer slim, but tall in women's is hard to find except at Loft. And do you know I ordered two pair of pants from Loft (on sale - no returns, no exchanges) because I have the Julie's in tall and I had to hem up almost three inches? What the wah? It's a good thing I can sew...

    And I will still be your friend, but I am a night owl and a morning person. It happened in my 40's. I would LOVE to sleep in sometimes, but I cannot. Bah.

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  27. Pants are always an issue. They never fit right everywhere, or all day. I'm only ever happy with sweaters. That is, until I love them too much and I cannot wear them outside. Ditto for tshirts in the summer. Then I have to hunt for new ones. =(

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  28. You are amazing in articulating what we all feel--no matter how trivial, to tell the truth. I have a large William Sonoma Gift card and keep visiting the store, but fail to spend it, precisely because then it will be gone. Funny.

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  29. gosh i am so in your head...lol
    on so many levels
    love your shoes in the first image
    and i window shop online putting stuff in the carts all the time
    it satisfies the craving to shop..when i really can't
    sad but true....love ya girl..i really do

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  30. Oh my goodness - someone who finally feels the same way about shopping! I still have "birthday money" left over from August because I can't decide what to purchase. I frequently have buyers remorse…sometimes as I am actually paying for the item that I picked out. It's much more romantic to have the money because as you said, if I spend it "then I won't have it anymore".

    Buying pants gives me so much anxiety. Is it too hard to ask that the sizes be universal for women? Can the number on the waist actually be the size of the pants?! How can a 29 in one brand be different than a 29 in another brand? Plus I have long legs and regular length is too short but the long lengths are often too long.

    All that to say - I totally get you!

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  31. Ha Ha. Love this. I too am a night owl and spend my money in a million different ways before biting the bullet - extra bang for your buck I say;)

    This may state the obvious but why don't you go into a JCrew shop and try the clothes on and then you'll know what size you are there? Happy shopping. xx

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  32. I buy gently used clothing on eBay all the time and IC it just happens not to fit, I'll resale or donate depending on what I paid. My general rule is $20 or less. I just did a search for J Crew tall and there's lots listed!

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  33. I did this exact thing during Boxing Week sales. We're expecting our first baby in April, and I filled my cart with tons of itty-bitty baby goods that were $5 or less from Old Navy... but couldn't settle. I went back and forth to and from my cart for several days, until my husband just told me to hit "buy". I couldn't NOT do what he said, bahaha. The clothing arrived and I'm thrilled with my purchases. Good luck!

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  34. First time to comment but that was hilarious because I do the exact same thing ALL the time! I'm so indecisive. And the minute something sells out is usually the minute I realise that I really should have bought it! :)

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  35. Okay... seriously cracking me up! I do the same thing! And with money and gift cards... once I spend it, it's gone. I have severe buyers remorse as well... oh the horrors! ;-) Love a good deal... and love j.crew! I know... let's have a shopping date and try on pretty things and put them all back and then only spend money on coffee! :-) Good luck and I can't wait to read the next installment!

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  36. i feel ya, sister - i have the exact same problem finding pants that fit except the long legs i know God intended for me got stuck inside my butt, making it twice as big!! glad to know i'm not the only frustrated pants shopper out there~ :))

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  37. I never saw this post, but I had to follow your link from the blue pants post to see what you had to say…..
    glad you bought them..you're rocking them! for real. they look like they fit perfectly.

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