Saturday, November 23, 2013

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I've spent almost five years blogging, detailing bits and slivers of this life, wrapping them up in context, chiseling the stone so these moments stay right here forever.

It's something most people probably can't understand, this compulsion to document, to share in the town square. But because I do this, because I was meant to do this, it's woven into every thread of the fabric. This online space circles my mind in a hundred different ways, sometimes orbiting from a distance, sometimes pulling into the atmosphere, just one keystroke or shutter-click away from memorializing what matters to me.

I sailed away yesterday with some of my favorite people, the camera stowed and ready, and it never made it out of the bag. It was the kind of living that's so easy to share, dripping spectacular city lighting and bluesy ambiance. Of course I thought about grabbing that camera, but sometimes you just don't want to break the spell.

It snoozed through life-changing guac and tacos that still have me quaking in my boots, through drizzled streets and holding hands, second-hand J Crew marked $15 that made me thrilled for its simple existence, no purchase required.

I sank down into stadium seating while everyone around me stood, where it was just me and the cello, a handful of rockers with simple lyrics that stirred me up because they slowed me down. I listened in storylines and thought in promises.

I've got nothing to show for my last 36 hours, not a pixel to be found.

I have tired eyes and and a settled soul, but there's no good way to show you. I have new hope for my future. My confidence in all the weird things has been restored, or at least spit-shined.

You'll just have to take my word for it this time.



29 comments:

  1. I'm so thankful that you choose to memorialize your moments. Your words inspire me and challenge me. I pretty much take your word for everything.:)

    Wow. Kind of sounds creepy. Sorry. Not what I meant! I just really enjoy reading and think it's even cooler that a lady I know, knows you!

    ~Amber

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    1. 1) This made me smile. I never think it's creepy!
      2) Who knows me??? (So mysterious, you!)

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    2. 1. Oh, thank goodness! The people pleaser in me worries when I post a comment!

      2. Joy's husband and my husband coached together...:) I didn't know she had a blog until I saw her comment on yours this summer! Small world .:)

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  2. THIS makes me happy!!!! Now you can just "treasure it in your heart"! Often, I think that is the best! SO glad you had a wonderful time!!!!

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  3. Beautifully written. Without a single photo you put me right there.

    I'm thinking Avett Brothers when you mentioned cello?

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    1. What's better than a cellist? A Korean cellist!

      :)

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  4. It's oh-so-okay to be there in the moment and NOT document it--something I need to tell myself more often. Glad you had some much needed down time--hope you are restored--or at least close enough for now :)

    Sidenote: I totally channeled some FPFG today when I mixed/layered turquoise gingham, a grey t, an olive puffer vest AND and grey striped scarf. I'm sure I didn't rock it like you do, but I tried.

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    1. I'm stealing your layers! Or at least I want to. Nice job! :)

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  5. I just said something to my husband this morning about having a few friends who do xyz, and he asked who, and i said "girls whose blogs i read" (one of those being you). He laughed at me, and i get that, i totally do. But really, you are one of my friends, and i'm so glad. You've changed my heart and you're helping me get to know jesus way more than you could imagine. Pictures or no, i'm so grateful for your words and for your sharing of your life with us. We'd totally be friends if we lived in the same state. :)

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  6. Sometimes ya just gotta enjoy the moment! Live a lil :) happy you enjoyed yourself!

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  7. Sometimes words can say so much more than a picture. You have written beautifully about your time and let us imagine through your writing what you have seen, heard and tasted. I think in this day and age we need to remember that not everything needs to be an instant visual to engage the senses. Thank you.

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  8. Writers need to write. I've been feeling all sorts of out of sorts since I deleted my blog in August. No one ever read. And I struggled with the push-me pull-you feeling of needing to write, but needing an audience. It's like that tree in a forest idea. If no one ever reads my words, were they important? Did my words have meaning? Did I make a sound? In a moment of so-what-I-don't-care petulance, I deleted the whole thing. Regret. Lots of it. You inspire me Shannan. Maybe I'll write my own meaning and find myself a new little blog place to nestle in. I don't need a fancy camera. I need to write. Thank you, as always.

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    1. You need to write!
      I try (without always succeeding) to write as though NO ONE is reading. After all, that is the way it was when I started. The audience still baffles me, but at the end of the day, with people abandoning blogs and moving on to different things, this is a place that sorts ME out. The friendship here is just a fabulous perk. :)
      xo

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  9. Relishing the moment and truly experiencing life without the need to document with pics is a wonderful thing at times. Sounds magical.

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  10. Beautifully written and fully understood.

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  11. I like reading these comments! I feel just a little less weird. I have had more than one dream that Ashley Ann and I are neighbors. (Okay, I was her nanny in one, but I didn't like that one. I missed MY kids...and I didn't understand why she needed a nanny when she's so good at doing it herself...) And, I actually think about you and your writing quite a lot especially now that I have moved to a poorer neighborhood - (I want to reach out more).

    And in my head and to my husband, I call you all "frogs" (friend I made from reading a blog) It's catching on. Gonna be a thing.

    And I probably wouldn't admit that to too many people, but you peeps get me. ;)

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    1. #FROGS!
      I love it.
      And I also dream about frog people. I just dreamed about Teresa from Meadowbrook Farm last night. It was weird and hilarious and hilarious because the weirdness didn't seem weird. :)

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  12. I like you. Also, I have been finding myself ditching the camera more lately, which is weird because I have an infant. But sometimes it really does break the spell when you've got a good thing going.

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  13. Sometimes, I go to an event or through a general day and feel like I have to capture the whole thing in photos. Other times, I realize I'm missing the event because I'm too busy 'capturing' it. I totally get what you're saying.
    p.s. I've had a huge financial shift recently - and I have to say, after the initial shock, in part, because of your words, I haven't really lost much sleep over it. I have every confidence God will take care of things - I've already seen His hand on little things, such as my getting to the grocery store just when the meat guy comes out with the roasts that have the coupons on them so they'll sell! (thank you Lord for my freezer!) Thank you for sharing your life.

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    1. I feel some excitement brewing in your world...
      Hold on tight, sister. Financial upheaval often means FREEDOM.
      xo

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  14. You painted a beautiful picture for us with your words.

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  15. I do that a lot...bring the camera but never take a photo...But, you can fantastically paint a picture of the events with your words. Jut lovely...

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  16. Was at the same cello event with the husband and teenagers and family friends. So great, sometimes standing sometimes sitting depending on song. One of those times when you have to tell yourself to pay attention to every second so you can be in the moment.

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  17. I love your words. Mine might come out tonight. Maybe. They are bubbling....

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  18. the very same thing has happened to me.
    i take my camera just knowing that it's worth being documented, but i never take it out.
    love the way you put it....you didn't want to risk breaking the spell.
    perfect explanation.

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  19. How weird is it to say that when I read your posts my heart usually races? I believe your words are Spirit filled, Spirit directed, and they speak to my soul. Words from Him to me....

    Thank you for your obedience.

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  20. I have to say this........I haven't been on a blog in years, I used to just visit blogs and wander......admiring and quietly feeling the blessings and emotions from afar. I stopped, just because....nothing negative, today I thought of you and your family. I remember the warmth, you my lady are warm, your a home for many and you probably don't even know it. Your children are beyond blessed because they have the mother that on holidays they will run home to.....the warmth in a cold world will be their saving grace. Your family will continue to grow and you will continue to be blessed, because you are a blessing.


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