Tuesday, October 29, 2013

Dial Back the Day

I had one of those moments last night where I became overwhelmed with love for my people, specifically, my youngest. I don't remember what I was doing. It wasn't important, or, if it was, it was instantly overshadowed by the blinding light of I can't believe I got this life.

I struggle sometimes with over-thinking how my world should be/look/function. There are so many things I wish I could better, so many things I want to care about more.

But perfection is a lie and balance is a rip-off. Staring long into the heart of my wildest guy with the crazy-big almond eyes, it has never been more obvious.

A few Sundays back, I glanced across the sanctuary to a mama whose teenaged daughter had just taken the stage for the offertory solo. The song was bare-bones and lovely, the young girl a breathing picture of the sacredness of adolescence.

But it was the mom who took my breath away.

She was riveted. Frozen in that space of wood and colored glass. Too busy loving the girl on stage to risk a wasted movement, saving her exhale for the very last note.

I'm sure their life is no more perfect than mine. You'd never know it by looking, but I'll bet that beautiful girl has her weak spots and a few agonizing flaws.

But she is fully loved.

And that kind of love, the very kind I send to my children in quiet glances and open hands, buttered toast and back scratches, is made so small next to the way I'm loved by the God who created me.

So, today, I'm watching for all the ways I have the opportunity to love. I'm slowing down to listen, notice, feel. I'll push a cart through Kroger with my best daytime buddy sitting in the front. I'll boil macaroni for the Tae Kwan Do carry-in because it will thrill my ninja dude. I'll sit on the couch with Sweet Cheeks and tuck us both under the same blanket when she reads her book to me instead of the typical, harried dinner-hour-half-listen.

It feels like just the right day to pluck this rose and sniff it, because I want to feel all of motherhood deeply, not just the noisy parts that command my attention. I want to invest in the quiet places, where that unexpected jolt of love-sickness so often shows up.

And all the while, I'll carry this truth like a smooth stone in my pocket - I'm loved infinitely more.

Happy Tuesday, friends. Love and be loved today.