Tuesday, October 29, 2013

Dial Back the Day



I had one of those moments last night where I became overwhelmed with love for my people, specifically, my youngest. I don't remember what I was doing. It wasn't important, or, if it was, it was instantly overshadowed by the blinding light of I can't believe I got this life.

I struggle sometimes with over-thinking how my world should be/look/function. There are so many things I wish I could better, so many things I want to care about more.

But perfection is a lie and balance is a rip-off. Staring long into the heart of my wildest guy with the crazy-big almond eyes, it has never been more obvious.

A few Sundays back, I glanced across the sanctuary to a mama whose teenaged daughter had just taken the stage for the offertory solo. The song was bare-bones and lovely, the young girl a breathing picture of the sacredness of adolescence.

But it was the mom who took my breath away.

She was riveted. Frozen in that space of wood and colored glass. Too busy loving the girl on stage to risk a wasted movement, saving her exhale for the very last note.

I'm sure their life is no more perfect than mine. You'd never know it by looking, but I'll bet that beautiful girl has her weak spots and a few agonizing flaws.

But she is fully loved.

And that kind of love, the very kind I send to my children in quiet glances and open hands, buttered toast and back scratches, is made so small next to the way I'm loved by the God who created me.

So, today, I'm watching for all the ways I have the opportunity to love. I'm slowing down to listen, notice, feel. I'll push a cart through Kroger with my best daytime buddy sitting in the front. I'll boil macaroni for the Tae Kwan Do carry-in because it will thrill my ninja dude. I'll sit on the couch with Sweet Cheeks and tuck us both under the same blanket when she reads her book to me instead of the typical, harried dinner-hour-half-listen.

It feels like just the right day to pluck this rose and sniff it, because I want to feel all of motherhood deeply, not just the noisy parts that command my attention. I want to invest in the quiet places, where that unexpected jolt of love-sickness so often shows up.

And all the while, I'll carry this truth like a smooth stone in my pocket - I'm loved infinitely more.

Happy Tuesday, friends. Love and be loved today.


71 comments:

  1. Breathtakingly beautiful. I too have been caught by those moments when the world seems to stop and all I see is a set of chocolate eyes staring back at me, or a curl fall across the back of a soft neck or, or, or...there are just so many moments. And I remember the times when I've thought, "I never want to forget this." And I have forgotten the specifics, but I don't know if I'll ever forget the way it made me feel, to have the love so resonate in my heart that it almost hurt and then the washing over of grace when I realized how much more I am loved by my Papa God.

    Blessings friend...bask in the grace for today.

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  2. i'm with you.
    i want to love fully, wholeheartedly and intentionally. right NOW.
    xo

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  3. That's where the good stuff is - those sacred moments with God, with family, where love abides freely. Freely we have received; freely give.

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  4. This is one of those moments where the whole "I live in the future" thing about being half-a-world ahead, backfires. Kids are already in bed on this Tuesday night. But not before I apologized for all the failures I managed to roll out during our bath-bedtime routine. So though I could have REALLY used this reminder earlier today, I'll keep it for Wednesday morning. It's GOTTA be better than how Tuesday finished.

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    Replies
    1. Sister, rest well tonight!
      You remind me an awful lot of myself, by the way. :)
      xo

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    2. Oh, the preciousness of a new morning! It's entirely probable your littles will have forgotten most of the hard from yesterday and will be altogether ready for a new start :)
      Sleep well!

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    3. Thanks ladies. I hardly ever follow-up with things like this, but I just have to give glory to God. Wednesday started out a bit rough (did I mention I have a 4 week old? and what didn't I sign that form the night before instead of searching high and low as the kids were walking out the door- late - for school) BUT...BUT!!!..Wednesday night's bath to bedtime was one of the best in weeks! Felt like a miracle and I felt so loved by my God who supplied my need for patience! :-) Hope y'all's Wednesdays finished strong too.

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  5. Needed this. Right here, right now.

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  6. My gosh I love the way you write. Don't let this be a pressure, but you've got this ... voice. This way of phrasing that is all your own, and I love it. Let's mother deeply today!

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  7. The sacred in the small. I forget all the time.

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  8. Sweet beautiful words. I'm praying for you & yours this morning :)

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  9. Reassuring and eloquent. I totally agree that you have a beautiful writing style, but your thoughts and good heart are the most brilliant part of your prose.

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  10. A lovely reminder on the day to be present! Thank you for that!

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  11. Take time to smell the roses......has so many meanings and this is one of them. take the time to thank God for our blessings. You are blessed and loved.

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  12. I'm about to turn 36 in November, and 35 has been a hard year. We lost two jobs and two family members, and many days just feel sad. Through every worry, every tear, every fear, you know what God has said? "Just let Me love you." He hasn't answered the hard questions or fixed the situations. But He tells me constantly that He just wants to love me. Somehow that's better than answers and fixes.

    Thanks for this today.

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  13. Funny to read this post today because yesterday at work I started thinking about my nephew for some reason and my love for him just was pouring out of my body and I almost started crying. I imaging him in school, and so far away that I'm not in his daily life, and I just prayed and loved him so much. As an Auntie, even I get this! :)

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  14. Man. I just sniffled my way through writing a blog post about our first six months with our son, and then came over here and cried for real. Beautiful words.

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  15. I love when those moments hit-it's such a breath of fresh air in the midst of what can seem like overly-busy-ordinary motions and days. Last night as I was reading to my 4 oldest, I had this overwhelming sense of peace and that all is good, even though the evening had been rather crazy. Thankful for those moments.

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  16. So well said. Our small group was just talking about the vastness of God's love last night. It really is unbelievable, especially when we think of how great the love we feel for our own children is. It seems impossible that there could be a bigger love, and yet, there is.

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  17. Your blog is an amazing reflection of a beautiful life. Thank you!

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  18. The sweet air of love. It is good to breathe it in, as much and as often as you can. I Love all your littles!

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  19. Yeah, I was just thinking along these same lines today on my own blog. I was thinking that when my kids were born I was given an instant, very big, wide love for them, which now grows deeper as I delight in them. I'm constantly digging down into new depths of love for them with the realization that God's love for me is a bottomless pit.

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  20. Sigh ...I SO needed this today. I struggle hourly with what my life SHOULD look like and I miss so much. Thanks for the reminder.

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  21. So good. I had a moment like this a few days ago. Thanks for the reminder today when my little hoodlums are a little too rowdy and loud for my liking. ;)

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  22. I've been reading your beautiful writing for months and haven't stepped forward to comment until now. Thank you for making me laugh and think and give thanks. This particular post is lovely and is just what I needed to hear today. Keep on keeping on...

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  23. i have so many stones rolling around in my pockets that I feel weighed down by the sheer number of them. but really, if i took them all out and looked them over, they could all come under one word: LOVED.

    love the way you make me think about all the stuff i'd rather not think about.

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  24. need to read this over and over.
    fully loved...
    he loves us at our darkest....so hard to grasp.
    asking God to help me love those in my world....deeper, richer, longer, wider.

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