Thursday, June 27, 2013

Midnight Thoughts from the Rickety HoJo Desk

Isn't this a timely photo?

I thought so.

Christmas in late-late June!

It's probably my favorite picture I took all winter and I never posted it. I'm dorky that way.
When I first found him at the door his eyelashes were covered in snowflakes and by the time I grabbed the camera most of them had melted.

That boy.

I miss him. I need to sniff his neck.

I miss her, too. Miss her smooth cheeks and sweet heart. I miss her little voice and the way she sleeps in the most perplexing positions.

In keeping with my theme, this is a favorite shot from last summer that was never posted.


I remember this night so clearly. We were driving home to the rental after checking in on the progress at the new house, during the build.

It was getting late.
We drove right past an open field with this happening.
Honest to goodness, I didn't feel like pulling over.

But I kept my thoughts to myself and the kids tumbled out of the van and stood in silenced awe, staring. There was fire, after all. We got to watch the whole thing, from unpacking the balloon, to lift-off. It was amazing.

The moral of the story? Pull over! Always, always pull over.
I need this reminder tonight.

Calv and I are coming to the end of our get-away.
I only ever did catch 2 episodes of Kardashians because the network replays the same 2 episodes overandoverandover. But I will say this: Scott Disick endeared himself to me with his "Todd Cranes" prank. I giggled like a fool. That is so my humor. I laughed about it last night when I was trying to fall asleep. It's funny, people!

In other news, I've barefly made a dent in my reading list. (Got a little distracted and spent all day yesterday volunteering at camp. Not to mention lights out at 9 in these close sleeping quarters.)

Calvin and I didn't even come close to getting tired of each other.
I just like that dude so dang much. He's such good company.
But we miss home and I'm feeling a bit...untethered. I don't know. I'm ready for the madness to stop.

Today I talked to my dad and he mentioned that mom was out picking beans. I was thinking holy cow, those are early beans! And they probably are a little early, thanks to Dad's mad greenhousing skillz, but in my head it was only May right now. Not late June. It was trippy.

So it's time to slow the heck down. It's time to ground myself in truth and in the things that matter most.

I'm feeling a whole new wave of disgust over certain places in my heart. I'm so over falling into traps of trying to be what the world tells me to be. I'm sick to death of entitlement and greed. I want to be plucked clean.

I'm excited and terrified to embark on this new season of required frugality, standing on the truth that God always, always provides what I need. I want to live our budget with a smile and never be too scared or greedy to be generous.

See what a few days of quiet will do to a girl? See???

Calvin is sprawled out corner-to-corner on his fancy double HoJo bed.
I should probably go settle in to mine.

Tomorrow is the last day of Korean camp.
I can't wait to tell you all about it.

Summer Love,


  1. I've only seen Scott Disick act like a disrespectful jerk in the two episodes I've seen- must know about his humor!

    I hope you and Calvin have the best time on the remainder of your trip.

    The things you want to be plucked clean of are some of my things too. I wore the same tank top ( fairly clean!) two days in a row. Then wondered what my neighbor would think/should I change it.

    Who cares?!

    Anyway... I'm in peony heaven! We have at least seven plants here. Like flower delivery from God!

    Hope HoJo's gave you mints and turn down service!


  2. Arrrrrghhhhhhh "live our budget with a smile". You hit the nail on the head. With a smile. OK, I accept that as a challenge. Enjoy the slow down and retethering.

  3. I have a heart for you. Why do I feel like I need to be washed in the blood, like everyday?

    Breathing in grace... again.

  4. love the wintery pic.

    he does always provide.
    good thoughts. lord, help me.

    i'm feeling untethered, too. only, i'm at home. riddle me that.

    girl. the kardashians? el oh el.

  5. I am so glad you are back. I have missed looking at the awesome tbuy work that you Gym fitness accessories

  6. I feel untethered too when my routine's been disrupted for whatever reason. I struggle with living my budget with a smile...and can be downright pouty and petulant about it sometimes. I love how you speak with such truth and honesty ... every single time. Peace.

  7. Sounds like a wonderful time for you and C. When each of our boys turned 15 we held a Rite of Passage and then I got to take them on a trip for 5 days....anywhere in the continental US. The oldest picked NYC. The middle one picked San Diego and the youngest picked Chicago. It honestly may be the best money we ever spent as parents. I LOVED, LOVED getting to spend that time one on one! I learned something really significant about each one of them as men.

  8. I'm trying to learn to live our budget with a smile, too! My husband's company was bought out and his last day is tomorrow. So...we go to living off of what I make (a teensy, supplemental income). We will put off some of our plans and tighten purse strings and pinch pennies....and wait to see what God's plan is. It's an interesting time, that's for sure. But yes.....I want to do it all with a smile!

    And I want to go to Korean camp, too!

  9. I'm feeling the same way, atleast the digust part....I'm sick of myself but in the best possible way, hopefully the way that will bring change and not self loathing. I'm sick of the same struggles with insecurity and doubt. I actually have to make changes and be purposeful and intentional and then those things will change. What I have found is it is just so easy to fall right back into the very same pits. I've had a great perspective shift recently through close friends living and going through really hard things on the mission field. Makes me think a lot about my daily life and the things I put thought into and truly care about. Life is weird. Here's to making lasting changes for the that my life truly does reflect the light of my Savior. And maybe not feeling so sick of myself.

  10. The best laid plans, huh? I think God's plans for us are in the pulling-overs and the getting-distracted-and-volunteering-at-camps. It's hard to remember that His plans are bigger and better than mine. Thank you for writing this.

  11. "I want to live our budget with a smile . . ." Love this : )

  12. I love how you summarize in 2 or 3 sentences what takes me a whole post to articulate. The parts about waves of disgust and falling into traps and wanting to be plucked clean. That is SO me right now. Your writing rings with raw, honest clarity. And I love the randomness of winter photos with summer hot air balloons and midnight musings!'Spose that's what a week at the HoJo does for ya!! xoxo

  13. girl.... you are talking scary.
    i don't want to think about this stuff. you always get right to the heart don't you?!!!
    missing you.

  14. Another season of required frugality here too. Please write more about being excited, because I'm always scared and a little resentful. Also, I'm going to write Always Pull Over on my arm this week as my temporary tattoo.

  15. These pictures are so magical. I am sure that you missed these kiddos to bits and pieces. I am glad that your get away is going really well. Thanks for the update.

    PhD by Publication by Bella

  16. I enjoyed reading your post and I like your take on the issue. Thanks. csbe