Wednesday, March 27, 2013

On Barely Surviving the First Day of Spring Break

I feel as though this could be my first wordless post ever. The photo alone pretty much says it all. It's how I feel, it's how my life looks.

But I'm not that tired and you're not that lucky, so I'll go ahead and elaborate for a few hundred words.

We kicked off our uber-long Spring break today by having tubes put in Ruby's ears this morning. Hallelujah, the girl may soon be able to hear again! She's a confirmed trooper and though the nurses said things like "She'll be drowsy all afternoon" and "She'll take a good, long nap for you today", she spent the entire day being entirely Ruby. My girl is brave and whimsical and tall and wonderful. I'm gonna keep her.

Where things get sketchy is where I found myself thinking around 11 a.m., "I don't think I will survive Spring break." And then I remembered Summer vacation looming, and a small part of my soul died.

Around 4 p.m. I was holed up in the bathroom with a magazine, a re-heated cup of tea, and a Butter Kek. I felt like a commercial for...something.

I don't even want to hear it, homeschooling moms. You're tough as nails and I'm...uh...not. Maybe I used to be, but I doubt it. My third child brought about the cataclysmic shake-down of my fortitude, and it's not just him. It's the rest of them. It's the me. It's the all of us together under one little roof in late March, when we should be out flitting around in the breeze.

I've come to see that I've defaulted to an existence of water-treader, and I have to tell you, I'm really not a good swimmer. But the biggest pieces of life stay strung together by the finest filaments and I hope they're stronger than they seem. We're in a much better world than we were two years ago, or even one. Progress is charted and celebrated and we've come a long way, man. Just Friday I texted Cory, "Silas is being such a dream-boat!" He's the first to cuddle with me and tells me one hundred times a day that I'm pretty/special/his best friend ever. We're starting to live a little in that elusive tunnel-end light. It feels nice.

But the bad days seem to come in waves, they always know how to find us. Then, it's hard and it's exhausting and it's time - it's always time - for me to pave a few roads back to myself.

I realized a good while ago that I needed more book-action in my life. It has helped.

Now? I need to get my food groove back on. I think I might be repeating myself, but this time, I really mean it. Cooking relaxes me. It fulfills a sparkly part of me that over-shadows some of the gray ones.

It does take some planning though, and that's where I feel like I might be losing it. My well-planned intentions seem to have been forgotten back at the farm. We're increasingly loosey-goosey up in here. (See photo.)

We're colorfun* and crazy and an awful lot of love happens here amid a crap-load of insanity.

But we could stand to reinstate a few rhythms.

So I'm starting with the Mama and the food on our table. I've been tether-balling around between the old me and the one who scrapes something together most evenings. It's time to close the deal, wrap that rope all the way around the pole. I'm a girl who wants to eat delicious food and I'm lucky enough to enjoy making it. I like eating out sometimes, too. I can appreciate a chili cheese dog as much as the next girl.

But it pains me to say that I haven't singed a single brussels sprout in the 7 months that I've lived here. There's just no sense in that crime.

We're going to enjoy this Spring break, dangit. And we're going to start tomorrow.

Calvin and Ruby have agreed to a coffee date with me while little brother is at pre-school. It's so rare for me to get time alone with the two of them and I'm stoked. After that, we're heading to the grocery store.

Mama's back.

So now it's your turn to give me your best tips for dealing with long breaks, meal times, kid fun, and general tools for living happily with a child who is prone to every manner of tomfoolery.   GO!

*Best typo evs!