Wednesday, January 2, 2013

Word Up

 All I know is, something has been off in me for the past year. Or two.

It has sucked the pink from my cheeks and and stolen away my sleep. I'll be danged if I haven't lost some of my passion for guacamole.

I've reached squinty-eyed into darkness for words that weren't there and sometimes, I haven't bothered reaching at all.

The thief was anonymous, shapeless, but I had my suspicions. Maybe it was stress. The big kids. The sick kid. The youngest kid. The move. Maybe I was right when I feared my soul and all its color might grip the fences and stay back on the farm.

I've missed it, my soul. I've missed the real me, the full me, the me with mojo in spades. I've felt her here like a phantom limb. I've seen flashes of her from across the room and in between pages, but we never locked eyes.

I started to believe she was mostly long-gone.

But then she wasn't. She was back.

Just like that, I saw me bleeding through the top layers.

And nothing else had changed. Nothing in particular had brought me back, yet here I was, alive and well, loose in my skin, raised straight up from whatever it was that had knocked me down.

A month or so ago, I read these words:

"By and large, our world has lost its sense of wonder. We have grown up. We no longer catch our breath at the sight of a rainbow or the scent of a rose, as we once did. We have grown bigger and everything else smaller, less impressive. We get blase and worldly wise and sophisticated. We no longer run our fingers through water, no longer shout at the stars or make faces at the moon. Water is H2O, the stars have been classified, and the moon is not made of green cheese." - Brennan Manning, The Ragamuffin Gospel

So, it wasn't a thief, after all. No cat burglar came along sneaky and masked and snatched me away. I walked away from wonder.

Or maybe I faded.

Or maybe I needed to fade. Maybe it was vitally important for me to start to see the world just a little differently than I had before. Life had to be about more than the pale face of a peony or the feel of earth in my hands. I needed to cross over to the other side of the tracks, where McDonald's was as good as it was ever going to get.

So many times this year I've silently whined that my life doesn't feel mine anymore. I'd almost always catch myself - That's the point, right?  I think it sort of is. I think I'm the kind who needed to really lose a chunk of myself for a while, to let go and sink all the way down into the life of Christ that I was handed. 2012 brought gifts I cannot begin to count. It scares me to think of what I might have missed if my head had been perpetually buried in my salsa bowl or I'd been tangled up in magazine garlands.

Now it's a new year, or, as Calvin keeps proclaiming, "The turn of a century!", and I've never been a winter sort of girl, but I'm praying every day for wonder - for the full and free knowing of God and his wild capacity for beauty, creativity, love. It's finding me, just like it always used to do when life was simpler in every quadrant of my universe. Somehow, amazingly, I think I can do both now. I think I've seen enough of everything to know that I want it all.

What on earth will life be like with a shiny new coat of wonder?

I can't wait to find out and then do it again the next day.

"For the eyes of faith, every created thing manifests the grace and providence of Abba." - Brennan Manning, The Ragamuffin Gospel

Are you doing a word this year? A hope? A dream?
I'm all ears. Literally.


  1. Been asking God for 'a word' for the year- never done that one before. I'm thinking it's the same word I've been hearing for months now: heal.
    I'm thinking with a good dose of that, wonder won't be far.
    Thank you for sharing yourself with us. :)

  2. I know somebody who lives with wonder all the's something I noticed about them...they look at their feet as they walk in new shoes (this is an adult!)

  3. walkin right along side you in this post.

    if i had a word, which i don't, but if i did...
    it would be: acceptance.

    on the note of wonder...the first time i went to yellowstone, i felt that awe inspiring kid in a candy store feeling about the creation around me. it was colorful and lovely. cheered my stuff right up.

  4. my word is 'behold.' this may or may not come with a full-fledged blog post, depending on the scatteriness of the rest of my life.

    love yours. i need me some of that too. (though if we talk about all the words i need, we're looking at a veritable dictionary.)

  5. Oh! How wonderful!
    It is a fabulous word.
    I hope your year is filled with wonder and light.

  6. oh shan-non. :) i get this so much. the rub of it. the pull of it. the go down and come back out of it. how can we keep the silver shiny if it keeps getting all tarnished up with life? do i even deserve shiny silver? and then i remember... he wants me as a child. trusting, loving, thinking i can run like a cheetah and believing his presence absolutely clears the monsters from under my bed. he wants us like children. eyes full of that wonder clear up to the top. however he frees up that wonder inside of you.. because you know it when he does. ..i pray you run towards it. hearing your heart never ever gets old. :)

  7. I didn't intend to have a word, but then I wrote this post (inspired by day 4 of your 31 days of going): After I posted it on the 1st and went back to read it, I realized a word sort of chose me. SPEAK.

  8. After taking a 5 day family vacation, the word that has slammed me is "GRACE". There is a particular relationship that needs it and I need to be the one to extend it over and over....regardless!

    Praying that this year I understand on a deeper level the grace extended to me so that I can freely extend it to others!

    btw....we were just in AZ and saw Sedona, the Grand Canyon and Hoover Dam and were filled with wonder! SWEET!

  9. As you know, I love words...I love the way they roll off our tongues at times and settle deep within our souls at other times. My word for 2013 is Surrender. At first it was kind of scary...until I remembered that every good gift is from Him and that He means it all for good, whether it looks like it at the time. The Giver of all Gifts is ALWAYS good! Wrote out some words about it over at the blog today.

  10. I don't really have one word. . . but perhaps freedom? I wrote about it last night but I cant even remember if I picked a single word. . . sigh. 2013 is not off to an awesome start when it comes to acting more like an adult and being on top of things. Oh well :-) also, I have some questions for you - I'll email you soon!

  11. I am doing a word. I started a new job this year. My first one since being a mom. 6 years at home! I loved it and miss it. But also love my new job and being a grown up again. I have struggled with being present. Wanting to be home when I was at work. Thinking I should be at work when I was home. Etc. Etc. It's a vicious cycle I tell you...

    So my word is PRESENT.

    Really being where I am. Wherever that may be.

    1. That is similar to the word I was given this year. BE. I felt strongly impressed that I am supposed to BE present.

  12. you are so dang good at putting words to my swirly thoughts. i just texted my friend today, "it would be hard, but life isn't about being comfortable." and yeah, wonder. i love it. i don't pick a word. i don't even write out resolutions. something about me just can't. i am clinging to this quote: (and maybe, just maybe, do i dare say i want it to be my theme??) "Let the freedom to fail give you the hope to fight."-John Piper

  13. You've been missed. : -) By the way - Ragamuffin Gospel is one of my fav books...I have been toying with a word - but haven't committed to one yet - thought maybe I wouldn't - and then ya go and post this - so if I was pushed up in a corner and patted down for a word - I reckon I'd say my word as 'enough'.

  14. My word for the year is BE. It was given to me in my spirit (or gut or something) last night when I was doing absolutely nothing but taking a bath. I'm to stop worrying, stop trying to control (or as I like to call it "plan") and BE present, BE thankful, BE authentic. Not a to list but a peaceful and yet bold word to live out. I have no idea what else I am going to be called to be - but it isn't about doing this year - at least I don't think it is. I just have the word -no clear details. :)

  15. On Sunday the preacher said this: the most important thing in the Bible, above all else is this: light. Jesus is the light. People either see the light, or they don't. People either SHINE the light, or they don't.


    That's me.


  16. My word this year is LISTEN. I love you Shannon, thank you so much for your seriously beautifl posts.

  17. Brennan Manning rocks. If you haven't yet... read his latest, All Is Grace. Ah.may.zingly my favorite B. Manning book.

    I wasn't looking for a word, didn't want a word, but a got a word... souljourn. My soul on a journey. What a ride!

  18. I just wrote my post today. Thank you for sharing your word and always your words.

  19. Today. Focusing on today and not the concerns of tomorrow. God promises us our daily bread. There is enough to do today that I don't need to borrow from tomorrow.

  20. your words always resonate with me you know. :)

  21. especially the bits like this: I think I'm the kind who needed to really lose a chunk of myself for a while, to let go and sink all the way down into the life of Christ that I was handed.

  22. BELOVED: I've always been too scared to muster up the courage to pursue my dreams. What if I fail? Or what will people think if I can't do it? What if I'm no good at it?
    I recently moved away from my hometown-my family-and my comfort zone- to pursue my dream, teaching in an inner city school district. God led me there, and I've never felt more confident that I'm right where I belong. Yet, I still doubt myself daily and beat myself up for not doing a better job and messing up-saying or doing the wrong things as a first year teacher. But I must remind myself that I have been given this opportunity by the Lord for a reason. I do not have faith in myself, but HE does- He chose me for this job and that's all that matters. I cannot look to man for approval because I will never find that- I am His beloved child, who He dearly loves. He wrote my life story, and He believes I can do it because He gave me that strength to take the first step.

  23. I took a similar unintentional hiatus from myself this year ... I feel parts of me beginning to see clearly, my old bones waking up from a too long rest. My word for the year, I guess, awake. I want to be wide eyed and busy tailed and aware of all that is happening around me. My senses need to wake up and lead the way. Here's to a wonderful year of wonder. (Hugs)

  24. I am lu-hu-huving everyone's words!
    And yes, if you've posted about it, throw the link in. I'll dare not spam you. :)

  25. My word this year is LIVE. These past 3 years of moving, not moving, terrible work conditions for my husband on top of a 3 hour commute, new job, and finally staying right here where God put us 7 years ago. Now it's time to live and discover what exactly that is supposed to be for our family. I'm excited and perhaps a bit nervous to find out. :)

  26. i love wonder! and i'm loving everyone's words also! mine is 'seize'

    (here's my blog post! - my first in over a year!);postID=721660137139614844 is there a better way to do that?

    xo ellie

  27. "For the eyes of faith, every created thing manifests the grace and providence of Abba." There is wonder in this statement! I get what you're saying. We take so much for granted, but what a difference if we begin to see through new eyes of faith. Thank you for sharing this.

    And my word is becoming.


  28. oh girl, i am living this now. special needs kiddos, cronic illness, unemployment, and a cross country move has kicked my behind the last year. i just prayed today, "i don't even know who i am anymore." then i realized my identity had become so much more than a child of God, an ambassador of Christ's love, a wretch saved by grace. i think He knew i needed some time to be just His and very little else.

    i don't have a word, but i am clinging to isaiah 35 this year.

    I feel the need to sing a song . . .
    Because the wilderness will be glad
    And the desert will rejoice and bloom


  29. My word is BE... to BE the person I want/need to be. Massive changes are happening in my life- moving from South Korea after 5 1/2 years here back to Cincinnati (in two short months), applying for an amazing accelerated Master's in Nurse-Midwifery program, among others. I realized what a negative person I have become and it's not how I want to be...

  30. Hm. I've never taken on a word for the year before, but now I feel inspired. I'll keep you posted!

  31. You are reading WonderStruck, right?! :-)

    And, just this gentle reminder, friend . . . He lets us be in these places where we're not as struck by wonder; where He leads us back to Him all over again in these profound ways. It's such grace. Don't for a second let yourself think it was your fault. Just accept the grace, bask in it, and choose gratefulness for where He's led you right now. Cheers to 2013!

  32. hmmm. i think i've lost my wonder. you've got me thinking. . .

    my word for the year: fearless. and maybe somewhere along the way, i'll rediscover some wonder along with it.


    1. word this year is also fearless. 2012 has been a very difficult year for me...we lost our home to foreclosure 1 year ago, and I finally feel like I am becoming a real person again. Always being full of fear, but this year I think He intends to change that. Fearless....I think it is a good word.

  33. Wow. Been there too and can relate.

  34. Ah yes, a life that is not "mine." I do believe I've recalled a similar sentiment when my husband gets grabby after I finish nursing the baby. ("I feel like all day someone is hanging off of my boobs so the last thing I want is for a grown man to be as well!")

    Thank you for this gentle reminder. And if I had to choose, could I pick 2 words? If so, I think my words to live by for 2013 will be "joyfully sacrificial."

  35. I'm memorizing Isaiah 43:18-19 this first week in the new year:
    Remember not the former things nor consider the things of old.
    Behold, I am doing a new thing; now it springs forth, do you not perceive it?
    I will make a way in the wilderness and rivers in the desert. (ESV)

    The bible study I use with my son always, always talks about the wonder; the wonder of God, of His creation, of being. I think the study is more for me than him.

    My word for 2013? JOY. It was impressed on me during the Christmas season. So Joy it is. (I think smalltownjoy will like my word. ;))

  36. I think that I have settled on SIMPLE/SIMPLIFY. Right now it's shining through in my physical home. I only want to have what I need and need what I have. I have had enough of excess. I'm eager to see how this moves into my spiritual world. The simplicity of the gospel, simply loving others, being simple like a child and not overcomplicating things. I'm excited!!! God has brought me through such a consuming fire and is revealing who I am, I've lost her, it's been a long, long, long time!!! Blog post to come at SOON!!

  37. Love your word…wonder. Just thinking about it makes the day come alive. :)

    My word(s) for the year are 'be intentional'. I want to make each day, each hour count.
    Here's my post on it:

    May your year be FILLED with wonder! :)

  38. Thank you for that quote and word WONDER...I hear how you long for the farm and life and there are days I look out into the vast nothing of Nebraska field and prairie and wonder what my ancestors were thinking. I have gone to the cemetery on Thanksgiving eve and Christmas eve because that is where they all are located. I drive the same dirt roads and see the same thing day after day that I have lost touch. I have become this I feel {STUCK} mode...nothing new and nothing changed. But after reading the Ragamuffin Gospel and rereading the word /WONDER/ I feel I have lost my sense of /WONDER/. I am thankful and have so much to be thankful for however I need to took a new look a new perspective. I need to lay out in the grass this summer and watch the fire flies migrate through in July. Chase the bullfrogs after the rain and maybe even change the paint on my walls. Thank you for this message today.

  39. SHINE!!!!! That's my word! I'm going to look at everything as it truly is......a miracle from God!!! The trees, the rain, the animals, the people, the dirt, the mess and feel wonderfully blessed!! Radiate my happiness to all that are around me and hope that they will ask why I'm so happy. New International Version (NIV) Matthew 5:16

    In the same way, let your light shine before others, that they may see your good deeds and glorify your Father in heaven.

  40. Ann Voskamp was the one who got me thinking about a word for the year. This is my 3rd year and I have been amazed at how God has woven each word throughout each year. Last year's was Trust. And He whispered it to me daily. This year's is MORE. I told God, when He said it, "I can't handle any MORE." and He assured me it would be the good kind of MORE. More of Him and His stuff and learning to let go of LESS. Funny, as I am trying to embrace a simpler life and less stuff, but I think I will find MORE in that.

  41. I cling year after year to "bliss." Time to give bliss a rest I'm thinking. Therefore, my word for 2013 is.....drumroll.....

    1. thoughtful provision beforehand; provident care; prudence.
    2. a thinking of something beforehand; previous consideration; anticipation.

    My favorite word in it's definition? Anticipation! Anticipation of all 2013 may bring, and the forethought to deal with what might not be so "sunny." I need to tell Layla at TLC my word. C-ya!

  42. i love this, shannan. and i totally agree.
    i have two words swirling.
    GO is the first(after your 30 days, i felt a sense and push to 'GO' like NEVER before). a spark that ignited a flame to stop lounging in my pjs waiting for God to bring someone to me, and GO out and find them...highways and hedges style.
    people just need to know about the saving power of Jesus. too many are dying everyday and it breaks my heart.
    so, thank you for that!
    also, peace is something that God has been talking to me about.
    peace in my home, within myself, and telling others(GO-ing) about the peace that could be theirs if only they'd take it.

  43. This is brilliant - I am so glad the wonder is back! :)

    I realise what I am about to say might sound a bit random, but it has all made me think of a quote from the poet John Keats that I love, it talks about 'negative capability' - being able to be in the midst of uncertainty and even pain, and yet find joy and a peacefulness that is not dependent on immediate answers; "...capable of being in uncertainties, Mysteries, doubts, without irritable reaching after fact and reason..." I know it is only a sliver of a thought, and was not written in any Christian framework, but for me it remains an amazing goal ('cos I can be horribly attached to fact and reason!), to be able to experience all the pains and trials life brings, but have hope and wonder and Love as my companions along the way - neither one cancelling the other out, but co-existing in the exquisite muddle of life! Never losing sight of the beauty and wonder, that is a fine thing, and as Christians, to have a place to be constantly renewed.....It is all good. Thank you for reminding me of it and hoooraaay for discovering again the balance it talks about.xx

  44. I love this so much that I can't even begin to feel sad that I couldn't guess it. :)

    Yes, yes, yes. To all of this. Help me do it, too, Lord. Do you remember that movie Michael where John Travolta played the angel who was so awestruck at Earth? He loved it here. Maybe it's not such a bad idea to really embrace being here, to bend down to inhale the scent of the earth, to savor the pie (but skip the cigarettes), to initiate love. I think when Jesus prayed "Your Kingdom come", some of it must have. I'm up for seeking it.

    I can't wait to see what great big plans He has for you this year, FPFG. Thank you, thank you for continuing to share them here!

  45. This comment has been removed by the author.

    1. Ugh. I don't know what I just did.

      Let's try again, shall we?

      What a great word! I LIKE it! I can surely relate to how you've been feeling...Mine is "Revive."

      I'm pooped out after last year's "purpose" and the year before that's "intentional." (Methinks there's a Sunday School lesson in there somewhere but I'm too tired right now...)

  46. I am a virgin at this word thing! I took 3 days to come up with one, pondering, praying, waiting......(insert drumroll here :-), ENOUGH. My word is enough, as in:
    1) I have had enough (of the junk in my life), its going to get out!
    2) I have enough, actually more than enough stuff, quit comparing.
    3) HE is enough for me.
    4) I am enough.

    Heather P.

  47. Slay me woman! You have a way of putting into words what my heart is crying out. 2012 was a very hard year for me. There were times when I thought I could not hold my head above the waves long enough to breathe...but I was able...because of HIm I was able. I can see now that I needed to be on my knees and know what it felt like to have the rug pulled out from under me, what it was like to feel loss, what if was like to not feel Him unless I was intentional in my looking. This year is all about "passion". Finding my passion in this world, my wonder, and seeing how I was made to use it for His glory. I agree, it's time my two worlds collided in a big way.
    Thanks to your encouragement I just started Ragamuffing Gospel although it has been on my shelf for a number of years. I am only allowing myself one chapter at a time and it has already been life altering. Thank you for pounding the keyboards even when you didn't have it in you. You have been a blessing.

  48. Yes, yes, yes.
    I get totally get it.
    I remember the moment I realized that this part of me had been missing and then all of a sudden it surfaced again. It felt so good. I missed that part of me and didn't know it.
    My word last year was "Let".
    I think I might need two years on that one.

  49. My wonder word for this year is regret-as in if I don't go back and become a teacher, I will regret it. I have some other small regrets in life, like not finishing out my time in the military but that was offset by the good Lord given me a gem of a husband and a sweet as pie son. :) Lately, I have been truly hating work. I work in healthcare administration and feel like it's all about the bottom line. I get sworn at more times during the day than I did when I was a sailor and I don't like denying someone surgery because they don't have the money. I am not God nor do I play one on tv. It breaks my heart. I realized I had an issue when I got jealous that my son gets to go to 1st grade everday..yes I know..issues..and I wanted to be there and teach him and all the kiddos.I will have NO regrets..ok..that's a few words..but you get catch my drift. (What exactly that means, I don't know, but it sounds blog cool.)

    1. Do it Heather. Go back. First grade needs you. I went back to college when my sons were in elementary school. I hesitated at first, telling my husband I'd be 32 years old when I finished school. He said I'd be 32 years old in 3 years anyway. I began teaching first grade 3 years later and couldn't believe I made a paycheck for doing what I'd always dreamed of. Teachers who have a calling (like you...and me) are so needed in our public school system. Go! Be! No more regrets!

    2. Cannot even tell you how much I love both of these comments. The two of you are THE reasons my kiddos love going to school every single day! And I am madly in love with watching you support each other. This right here is my Wonder for the day!

  50. Oh, man this is SO good.
    I feel like you just put words to the thoughts and feelings buzzing around in me. I've been feeling the same way! Between the crazy hard lessons Jesus was teaching me and the way I let the busy-ness of life get the better of me, I became lost. As though my voice had run away to live with someone else. But now, since last month really, I feel like me again- only a fresher version. I've been struggling to find my word for the year. Seek? Learn? Make? Do? Live? I'm still trying to find the right fit, but WONDER is an amazing choice!!

  51. I started by saying I wanted to make a BIGGER difference this year, then the next morning was brought up short by this thought that would not leave me alone..., "I want you to SEE the difference you ARE making right now, right here!" Well okay then- that is what I'm going to look for each day. But...if you don't mind, can I add WONDER to my day as well?

  52. We're three days in, and I'm already loving the impact my word is having on my year. 2013 is the year of "momentum." Can't wait to see how it affects my perspective.

  53. sounds like you are "coming up for air" (a favorite margaret becker song--have a listen :-) )
    my word this year is "illuminate"

  54. Shannan, wonderful word you've chosen. Anne Lamott uses it throughout her latest book. I think the two of you have similar writing styles. Wishing you the best for 2013, dear lady.

  55. May I suggest you read the children's book, Wonder, by R.J. Palacio? It is truly a humbling experience.

  56. My word: LIGHT
    Has so much meaning and just started blogging about it today. Can't wait to see how this one world will have so many meanings for me this year!

  57. i have never done a word.
    it just never comes.
    but also...i never ask.
    so maybe i will.
    and this post was very nice. :)
    i realize that whenever i do something amazing that i do FAR TOO LITTLE amazing things.
    and wish i did much more on a daily basis.
    so....i challenge you.
    let's be amazed in wonderment this year.
    however that looks to us.

  58. I am going to do a word for the first time!

    Joy. That's my word for 2013.

    Because of my husband's job, we're living in a city that is filthy, run down, crime-ridden, filled with desperate people on government assistance who hate people and want to sue everyone for anything. We bought a house that has some weird, ghost kind of stuff happening all the time, like shadows, growls, coming home to find the dog has been locked in the bathroom, talking, laughter, things missing, being pushed or yanked, etc... Call Ghostbusters.

    We've been here for two years and we've been sick more on that off, had more surgeries, broken bones, depression, stitches, and unexplained illnesses than all the years previously combined. My husband has been screamed at by more customers here than any state we've lived in. There have been more threats, more cussing, more mayhem than any time in his professional career. My son was shot twice by rogue teenagers, my daughter has been terrorized by little nasty girls, and we've been shouted at, lied to, and ignored more often than not. Holy COW. This has never, ever happened in any place we've ever lived in.


    This year we are waiting expectantly, like an adoptive mother waits for the paperwork to be signed, for an out-of-state transfer. I try to keep my kids positive, but they are beyond the easily-fooled age. They are acutely aware of the unbelievable amount of nonsense here, and they are desperately looking forward to... JOY. The kind of joy we had before this move. We've tried to fabricate it, but that kind of joy cannot be fabricated. It must BE real for it to FEEL real.

    This, too, shall pass!
    JOY! I'm beggin' for it!!!

    1. Oh, girl. GIRL! Holy Moses. I'm begging for JOY for you, too! Your story is cRaZy! I want to bake you some zucchini bread or brew you some tea or something! Keep us posted. We want to hear about it when you get that call for your transfer. xo

    2. Thank you. You'll hear us shouting a great "YESSSS!" the moment that transfer comes. We're praying it is this spring, if not tomorrow. The next day would be fine, too.

  59. i read this post and read all the amazing comments.

    i am trying to come up with something profound. there are plenty of words floating around. i fear to share, as my word last year was an epic fail.

    my word, for today at least, is HYDRATE. that, i believe, i can manage. :)

    1. This cracked me up. And I honestly can't remember my word from last year, if that speaks to my success at all. ;)

    2. I forwarded this post to a few friends- and my BFF (who barely comments on my posts was inspired to share on yours. .. She's the illuminate one. Another friend just sent me a long email with hers.

      I had initially written the word in hopes that literally I could be better about hydrating, but then the Tenth Ave North song came to mind "Come to the waters you who thirst and you'll thirst no more" and so subconsciously I'd like to think that I had something else going on.

    3. Oops I accidentally pressed publish and hadn't edited the above comment properly iPhone is a bit tricky with blogger- anyhow I've Really enjoyed reading everybody's comments as have my friends- thanks so much! Hope you are having a good Monday!

  60. Faith.

    Last year was a doozie--knocked me right out of my happy little comfortable place. This year I just have to believe that God's got this, and it's going to be OK. Because it is. :-)

  61. Been thinking about a word since I read your post.... The idea of dedicating this year to a word is comin' at me from several directions. A FB friend posted HER 2013 word....She zeroed in on "devote" which fits her well.

    I have picked LISTEN as my word. Listen means I am not talking, texting, mentally wandering...I am tuned in to the folks and/or environment around me. Means I am listening for quiet direction for my day and my life.

    Thanks for the nudge!

  62. My word for this year is grow. Like the painful, uncomfortable, life changing kind of grow that really makes a difference.

    I blogged about about it here!

  63. "The vision is not a castle in the air, but a vision of what God wants you to be. Let Him put you on His wheel and whirl you as He likes, and as sure as God is God and you are you, you will turn out exactly in accordance with the vision. Don't lose heart in the process. If you have ever had the vision of God, you may try as you like to be satisfied on a lower level, but God will never let you." oswald chambers

    there's more to this entry in
    'my utmost for His Highest", but this part came to mind as i was reading the beginning of your post, before your "word". what do we think is so great about us that we hold on for so long to who we think we are? (and how much sense did that make?)

  64. can't wait to see all the wonders you see.

  65. Giggling a little, because I thought "What a great word for the year!" Then I heard my mother's voice when she says, "Oh, good word, (insert name)!" when one of her children (even though we're well grown) or grandchildren uses a good "vocabulary word". I hope I never so lose my sense of wonder and awe at what God does and has done that I have to search hard or long to find it again. I hope you find it often :)

  66. I read this a week ago, and have been mulling it over and over. I so appreciate you. I found myself sobbing and reading, and re-reading and still sobbing. You peeled the scab off of a wound I pretended not to have. I've been telling my husband for months, a year to be exact, that something was gone from me. I do everything I love, I love everything I do, but something has moved away. I'm glad you got yours back, and it makes me look forward to getting mine back. My word for this year is allow. I think I'm going to allow myself, with her smile and her wonder, to move back in. Thanks, and thanks, and thanks for this.

    1. She'll be back, friend. She will! You're one step closer to her right now, just by saying the words. xo