Monday, October 15, 2012

In Wait

This Sunday was every single thing that I needed, from church by impromptu candlelight to lunchtime chimichangas, to a three hour nap (oh yes I did), to a walk to the park.

I closed down the day with an already-dear friend, she under the ugly blue blanket, me under the thrift-store granny squares. We sipped tea and talked life and books and how waiting is so much harder than going, sometimes. Because for one thing, waiting just hurts our human-ness. It puts a limp in our move-maker. It feels slow and weak. Misunderstood and sometimes silly.

And that's not even the hardest part. The hardest part is knowing what we know - that there's a reason for the streched-out stretch out. What waits on the other side? Will we possibly be ready?

I thought my post tonight would be a doozy; long and involved, the kind that bangs around for months before I'm ready to give it shape on the page, the kind that makes me nervous.

But it's late and I'm tired.

Going big got bumped for real life, the quiet kind, the one happening right this moment.

Tonight, the most important Going meant staying mostly still and giggling like hyenas.


  1. "that there's a reason for the streched-out stretch out. What waits on the other side? Will we possibly be ready?"

    I'm waiting. And, listening. And, He's given little puzzle pieces - ones that don't really fit together. It's frustrating for me. I try to be patient. And, somehow, I never seem to master patience.

    The last time I got puzzle pieces, it started in October 2006.

    "Cook." um, okay, but I really don't. "Cook." "Save money." Er, ok. But, I'm single and really, I'm just taking care of things just fine. "Learn to pinch pennies." "Forgive yourself." Yeah, that one...brokenness is not my strong suite. It was messy. "Admit you long for a husband, admit you long for kids." Seriously? I'm in my 40s, why would I want to admit something that has practically NO chance of happening? "Admit it publicly in your small group - it's your biggest fear. Dying alone" Sigh. Lord, what are you doing to me? I'm a basketcase.

    Then, in the spring of 2009, I re-met a dear friend from college. in the fall of 2010 we were married. And, I now have 2 amazing step-children.

    I'm in transition again. God has a plan. But, gosh it's difficult on the journey...

  2. I'm glad you have open ears and a willing heart.

  3. "I thought my post tonight would be a doozy; long and involved, the kind that bangs around for months before I'm ready to give it shape on the page, the kind that makes me nervous."

    Oh boy, how many times have I pumped myself up to actually put words to print what has been "bang(ing) around for months" and "makes me nervous," only to have Him say something else entirely. Not at all what I imagined or intended but am equally amazed at the preciousness of the gift. The moment. Him speaking. Through me....

    Thanks again for sharing it ALL. The big and the little. Because He is found in both. I see Him there in the fuzzy comfort of the afghan.

  4. Beautiful! I love those granny squares and was so blessed by our church in the dark yesterday too at NMC. I think we should do it that way every Sunday! Have a wonderful week!

  5. i love days like that. we NEED days like that.
    the lull before the storm of (normal)life quickly picks up its pace and splashes us around to another new and crazy week.
    because it's SURE to be just that. CRAZY. :)
    love this series.

  6. I just wanted to say thank you. I love the way you write and pull us in and make us think about things we don't think about or even want to think about. Thank you for being raw and honest and vulnerable. Thank you for making me want to write too. You inspire me to get uncomfortable. And it might just help me to be Brave. With a capital B. Thank you.

  7. ahhh...but sometimes (as you noticed) "staying mostly still and giggling like hyenas" IS the going...for both you and for your friend :-)

  8. The waiting is the hardest part. I mean, every day you see one more card. You take it on faith, you take it to the heart, but the waiting is the hardest part.

    Actually we've just returned from a couple of days and giggling under thrift store blankets sounds just like what the Dr. ordered! I've enjoyed catching up & glad I got to do that before you hit us with the doozy. I'm ready now. Bring it, FPFG. ;)

    1. Um, that should say "a couple of days at Disney World." Which should explain how I could leave off an important detail like, oh, Disney World. Geesh.

    2. Your song lyrics made me laugh so dang hard.

  9. going, while we continue to wait (does that make sense? haha)....glad i have you to lead the way. :)

  10. That sounds like a pretty good day!

  11. Real life and ease win for me on my blog almost every time.
    It frustrates me. I want to do everything with a big "wow factor"... but usually real life sucks away every last drop of energy.

  12. I just spoke today about how God is IN the waiting. I don't want to rush through the waiting. He is refreshing and refining through the waiting. So many times if God had answered my prayers how and WHEN I wanted Him to, I would have totally missed His heart.

  13. one thing that happens in the start to think you heard wrong. you made the wrong choice. you made it all up. you never heard anything. the waiting gets long and it's so hard to stay the course.
    but then BOOM....He says "'re ready....lets GO."
    but in the waiting sometimes it feels like that day will never come.

    that is all.
    oh... and i wish i had been the girl under the blue blanket....

    1. Yes, yes, yes. One hundred percent, one hundred times. Every thing you listed was exactly what I struggled through while we waited. I was convinced by the end that was Crazy. For real crazy.

      ps - Come on over. :) Remember the deal, you = cheesecake, me = salsa.

  14. will you kindly stop writing exactly what is in my head??!!

    we have been in the adoption process for over 18 months and yet even as i type this, we wait.
    it is maddening and weakening.
    it is a lesson in trust.
    and it is so hard.

  15. I am right there with you...this waiting is a huge struggle for me right now. I find peace here. Thank you <3 a hundred times, thank you!

  16. Oh, so good. We are waiting...and waiting and waiting and waiting in our adoption process. So many unknowns. So many changes that we have no control over. Thank you for echoing my sentiments.

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