Monday, September 10, 2012

Money Shot Monday



I drove today. I hustled the hustler. I gave the benefit of the doubt beyond all reason. I held hope in my hand, hope that the course of a stagnant future can be shifted, changed, redirected, anything. I ran in circles. I validated my quiet skepticism. When given a prime opportunity, I sighed too long, too loud. (I failed.)

But without meaning to, without trying, I reached from my seat to hers and grabbed her elbow. I called her honey, like she was my child - one that I love. Her tears fell and I wanted her to know what it felt like for someone to catch them. Who cares that some things never change? Because there she was, broken and lovely, never believing a single good thing, always inclined to doubt me and the rest of the world.

So maybe tomorrow we'll try again. Maybe she'll learn more about the lining up of ducks and I'll learn that my day was never mine to begin with.

27 comments:

  1. "Maybe I'll learn that my day was never mine to begin with."

    Perfectly put. This is what I so desperately want to learn as I'm struggling into my own new normal! It's all fun & games until there's no going back, and you still know in your marrow it was the right decision, but it feels so messy and...un-right! I'm still praying for you and your sweet family, Shannan.

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    1. ...and now I fear that sounds complain-y, ha! I'm having all manner of fun and blessings and goodness right in the middle of all the messy, you understand ;)

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  2. It is during the moments of sheer failure that we are able to witness love in its purest form, an unconditional love that makes believers out of skeptics.

    Your words sing true.

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  3. You have given me a glimpse of your soul; and it was there that I saw His reflection. Beautiful.

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  4. She's waiting for you to stop trying. For her negative thoughts to be right - as they usually prove to be. Never stop the good fight. Good always wins. Prove her wrong. He has given you a gift. The gift to love unconditionally. Use it like armor. And never stop fighting the good fight. xoxo

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  5. I thought of this hymn as I read your beautiful words—

    O the deep, deep love of Jesus, vast, unmeasured, boundless, free!
    Rolling as a mighty ocean in its fullness over me.

    How fortunate that Honey has you to share this mighty love with her.

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  6. That's right, the day isn't ours and your love for her is planting a seed that will take root someday and God will bless you immensely for loving the unloveable.
    xoxo
    heather

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  7. That lesson, of learning that our day was never OUR day to begin with, that just goes on and on, doesn't it?

    Hoping, praying, that just today I can remember it. Then maybe tomorrow, too. I think I'm going to write a note to remind myself that this is not MY day, but His. Also, I squealed out loud when I went to my reader and saw you linked up from Ann Voskamp!!

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  8. Oh failure. It's going to be there daily...but the beauty is, too. Always. Keep on showing up, you.

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  9. your words went deep this morning.....beautiful...

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  10. "Love covers a multitude of sins", and hurts! Love never fails!!!! When we see how we are loved it makes it easier to pass it on.
    My heart breaks for those who never have realized they are loved by the one who loves the most,because His body has been too preoccupied with their own selfish existence to reach out. This day, this life ,is was not ours to begin with.

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  11. Ditto to what Stephanie said- "she is waiting for you to give up, to prove her right". Some days it is SO HARD to not give up- thank you for the reminder today!! Hugs!!

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  12. this post immediately made me think of this song from Pearl Jam:

    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XTb9GNIxpMk

    you seems so giving, without expecting anything in return. such a rare thing to see nowadays.

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  13. Your heart and a blank white page..that's all I saw.

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  14. So lovely yet so cryptic.

    Dee

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  15. that just knocked my socks off. You are beautiful and so is your writing.

    xox, jenny

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  16. Shannan, mama is so right, love never fail, just keep loving. This is one of your most beautiful posts and each comment is supporting that beauty. I have been in that same place so many times, it hurts so to feel you have failed Honey, but keep loving...always. Just as He does.

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  17. Beautiful. Awesome. We love because He first loved us. Keep showing her the love of Christ.

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