Tuesday, December 20, 2011

Holiday Hair?

It cracks me straight up to the ends of the earth that I am blogging about a hairdo.

I am notoriously woeful when it comes to hair. My hair is my bane. It has no chutzpah. It's non-compliant and willfully disobedient.

Also, I'm lazy.

I find haircuts to be a waste of both time and money.

As such, my hair has recently reached a catastrophic length.

It should not be so long.

My bangs are down to my bosoms.

It's a bad, bad situation.

Given all of this, it's both strange and wonderful that I invented a new hairdo when it mattered most. I look back and have no explanation. It just came to me.


(Photo courtesy of Haven.)

At first, it looks like this. Is this a real thing?

I'm troubled to say that my mother-in-law has arrived twice in the past two weeks only to find me in this condition. Even worse? She didn't ask.

To execute the style, wash your mane. Rub one smallish dollop of this through, concentrating on the roots. Blow dry your hair (95% dry), then immediately section it off. Twist each section. Twist, twist, twist. Then pin the ends to your noggin.


Walk around the house like that for the next hour or four. Wonder why even your own children no long ask questions or notice that anything is remotely amiss. Say things like, "Don't hate me because I'm beautiful, Calvin", or, "Haven, you know you're jealous."

Channel Princess Leia. Then La La from the Teletubbies.


When it's time, uncoil each section. Don't disturb the wonky waves.


Put your face on while the curls hang loose.

Incidentally, I just bought a new mascara. It's one of the kinds that has a secret chemical intended to make your lashes grow. I'm happy to report that the placebo effect is already heartily underway. I can just feel my lashes shooting up steroids.


Back to the hair.

Run your fingers through it a little. You might be alarmed by the sheer size of your hair, but push through.

Spray just the tiniest, slightest bit with hairspray. (The waves, they like to breath.)


Voila.

Or, as I prefer, Viola.

You've got a real 'do. At least for the night.

I can't promise that it will work for hair that is not extremely fine and thin and frayed at the edges. But you know what? All of you thick, luxuriously-tressed ladies have it coming if it doesn't work. We've had enough of your sass. Half-bald homies, unite! We've waited so long for our victory.

Sidenote 1) Something very important that I keep forgetting to tell you: The bathroom in our rental sports the very same wallpaper from my childhood bedroom. #fullcircle #meanttobe #hollyhobbyholdsmyheart

Sidenote 2) I have recently adopted what some may consider the annoying practice of hash-tagging outside of Twitter. #whatchagonnadoaboutit? #thegaff

Sidenote 3) Yes, I do ask Cory to take random pictures of my hair when we're already running late for his work Christmas party. I do procrastinate until I have precisely 12 minutes to get myself ready then shout from the bathroom "Honey, hurry! I need a picture before I fluff my waves!" Yes, it is magnificently fun to be married to me. Why do you ask?

Sidenote 4) You may have noticed, but I have given up on staging proper photos for this here blog. We live in a cave with no natural light and pink bathroom tiles. It has killed my mojo. Or at least partially maimed it.

Sidenote 5) My lovely lady, El-Macphereson-Camino-Mariachi Palmer blogged about the well today! Eeek. I cried. We're at 73%, People! Seventy. Three. Percent. God is so BIG.

57 comments:

  1. i love your hair, i love your hair, i'm at my house and i'm singing and i love your hair.

    gorgeous. my curly mop could not even compete with this.

    oh and i recently went 18 months without a haircut. #haircutsaretotallyoverrated,indeed

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  2. okay and so thrilled to hear about the well!!!

    i think i had the same reaction as you did with el...palmer when you left me my first comment. and whattt?! you get to be her friend? i'm so jealous of her. : )

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  3. Love the hair! It is so long. One of my favorite memories - going with you for a haircut and watching you neurotically chatter up the hairstylilst. : -) Notes - I'm doing this to my whisper thin cotton candy hair tomorrow. For real. Maybe I'll blog about it.
    I'm waiting to give on the water gig. I want to be the one that finishes it off. Ha! xoxoxoxo

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  4. It only took me a moment to realize that the first pic wasn't the finished product...lol. The end result is fantastic! I gotta try this!

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  5. oh girl you're gorgeous. merriest of christmases my friend...

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  6. beautiful, wonderful hair!
    and what is the deal with needing our mouths open when applying mascara...i have tried to not, but i nearly fainted.
    my mama actually says viola. pretty sure she is serious.
    long live the hashtag #fave #classy #likeyouare
    praise jesus for this well!! i have been watching it grow and rejoicing! you enjoy your night, pretty girl.

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  7. I so needed this laugh tonight. I even read it out loud to my husband. Thank you. Thank you.

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  8. Really cute! I've started to wash, blow dry like 80% or less, and then doing a French braid, sleeping on it and the next day waking up with waves. It works completely wet too, but my hair has a little curl and sometimes goes a little crazy.

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  9. My hair: also fine and thin. I will have to attempt this 'do!

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  10. Heaven only knows what my hair would look like if I did that. I know I wouldn't be able to get through the door. #myhairisthebaneofmyexistance
    It looks good on you, though.
    Yay about the well!

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  11. Love the hair!! Who needs stinkin' curlers?!?! You rocked it girlfriend

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  12. love, love your do! and thank you for making me laugh when i visit here!

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  13. You totally rock that hair, girl!! I'm off to dream about holly hobby...

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  14. we need to have a sleepover so u can do my hair like that.

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  15. Shout out from your half-bald homie here!!

    I'm trying it. My ends are frayed. I feel like I've found a sister in you. I also hate getting hair cuts and find them to be annoying and wasteful. I hate the whole salon experience and all of the fakery. Is that a word?

    When I saw your final pic, I said "Man does that girl know how to layer!"

    Sidebar: Breaking Bad really is a good show. I will admit that the first few episodes were very dark, but when you get to know the characters..specifically Walt's teenage son (love him!!)and the wife, the brother-in-law, the sister-in-law whose a klepto who steals family photos from open houses...it's good. Stick. With. It.

    Or...#stickwithit

    xxoo~

    TT

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  16. One more thing:

    I have to admit that at first glance and first photo, I thought it was your new 'do!

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  17. You look so good. I mean, #insaneinthemembrane good. WOW! :) I am glad you could go to a work party. I am SO glad about the well. I pray for givers frequently. Oh yes I do. #Godisbig I had something else to say but I forgot it when I typed that #Godisbig hashtag.

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  18. Love the hair!!! That is so great about the well. . .our God is BIG!!

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  19. you are so dang funny.

    seriously, laugh out loud belly laugh funny.

    looking good with the waves!

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  20. I hope I don't take thewindoutofyoursails when I say this, but you didn't invent that hairdo. Their called pin curls. Why were you suddenly over come with the desire to twist away? Because you're an 85 year old trapped in a 35 year old body, that's why. :) How do I know this? Let's just say my inner Mabel's been known to sport this look a time or two. Thanks for twoofthefunniestbacktobackpostsevah!

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  21. YOU are adorable AND hysterical! #iloveFPFG

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  22. You are without a doubt the most adorable person I virtually know. I LOVE, LOVE, LOVE the way you are, the way you write, the way you live, the way you love, the way you Praise God. I wish you could live next door because I am certain you would be my new bestest friend ever. Merry CHRISTmas to you and your amazingly beautiful family. XXOO
    Debbie

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  23. Your hair is so perrrtyyy! On a side note, the crown on my tooth came off because I was eating too much of your crack bark. Try finding a dentist 2 minutes before Christmas. I found one who could get me in...Brad Pitts Dentistry. I'm pretty sure he's not the guy Lindsay went to, but he's my hero of the day. :) `Maria

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  24. once my hair decides to grow past my chin (i must have an awfully long chin, as it has taken 4 eva), i am totally going to try this. we should create a support group for thin, fine haired mamas. as soon as i come up with a mission statement, i will let you know.

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  25. I have come to the belief that hair is far too over rated and should be given little more thought than the heartbeat of a gnat. I say do what you wilts with your locks and screw those that disapprove.

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  26. loved the #hashtag bit. #alot. or #a lot.

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  27. Cute! (The hair and the outfit)

    Going to give this one a try on my own skinny hair.

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  28. I LOVE your hair!!! That is ingenious. And I think I may just need to get some of that product.

    Also, just finished our Christmas "Letter" last night--part of it is our "Year in Tweets" (if we tweeted). Even though we don't tweet, #completelydaddictedtohashtags. :)
    ~Gini

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  29. you look beautiful and i am donating today, GOD is big and so are you girl. be super duper proud of yourself....

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  30. I laughed right out loud. As one of those broads with too much hair I found this post extremely amusing. My hair challenged sisters were telling me that I need a haircut yesterday to which I wholeheartedly agree as I've been channeling Jon Bonjovis 1980's do. I going to clip it today. By the way your hair looks mahvolous dahling :)

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  31. "Rub one smallish dollop of this through" ... what is "this?" (I'm guessing there is a picture of it, but it's not showing up for me.) By the way, love your blog! (I can't believe this is the first comment I'm making and I'm asking about a hair product.) sheesh.

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  32. Anonymous: There should be a photo of the hair product I used. Neutrogena Triple Renewal Body Boosting Foam. Keep in mind, I only used this product because it's what I had. I'm assuming any similar product would work. :)

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  33. Just found your blog and love it and your spirit for the less fortunate! BTW your hair looks freakin awesome!

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  34. Love the curl...but I dare say you are in need of a Posh Spice a line!! You'd look so hip and new!!

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  35. bwwhahhaa. Love your use of #thegaff. I've also started using hashtags in random places. Like conversation. "Adam, can you get the oil changed in the car before we leave? Hashtag please don't make me ask you twice." (It loses something when you say it out loud but I still love it.

    #thegaff.

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  36. Loathe haircuts. #theycostmoneyeveniftheysuck

    Love your hair. #thickheadedgirlcompliment

    Love any party you can wear jeans to. #arethereothers

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  37. Looks fabulous, I will have to try it. Where did you get your blazer? I love it!!

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  38. Your hair looks beautiful! I'm letting my own grown out, so maybe I'll try it in six months or so. ;-)

    I think it's super cook that you and your wallpaper have come full circle.
    ~FringeGirl

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  39. cute hair shanny! i've tried a couple of things like that but nothing seems to work on my hair quite as good as the trusty curling iron. maybe i'll have to give this a whirl someday :) p.s. #thesethings(#)drivemealittlebatty ;) haha #didijustdothatwrong

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  40. Thanks so much for this idea!!! I did this today while making all the Christmas treat goodies for my hubbies work...I then took my doo down and LOVED the way it turned it out! Thanks! #itlooksupercute!

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  41. ok, you make me laugh, and the hashtagging does kind of confuse me of fb, thanks for explaining

    I have tons of hair, but before you hate me 1)it means I have tons of hair everywhere-very high maintenance, b)I totally agree with being lazy and haircuts being a waste of time I go 1-2 times a year.

    I will try this out for sure!

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  43. Currently growing out my thick hair for this purpose. #1. A must try at least. :)

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  44. I spent an irresponsible amount of time just last night on Pinterest and YouTube educating myself on the ins and outs of the sock bun curls. Are you familiar with the sock bun method? It works its magic overnight though, so you'd totally lose out on the mother-in-law dropping in whilst you are in process aspect.
    p.s. I'm totally in the dark about the hashtags. Do I need to become a twit, Farmgirl? I will if you tell me to.
    Do you think Riggins tweets?

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  45. you CRACK me up.

    after you right a book, you should totally have a tv show.

    I'd 100% watch it.

    You are funny and adorable and smart and sooooooooooo stylish with your layers.

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  46. O got stuck one night watching all the youtube videos on how to get that little poof for a ponytail. I was so surprised to see how much help you can get on the net for your hair!

    dee :)

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  47. Fine-haired girls unite! Fun post!!!

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  48. While I share your thin, limp, life-less, should-never-grow-too-long, split-end angst-inducing hair issues, I can tell you from personal experience that if your hair is layered (from possibly hacking your hair over a garbage can to avoid a trip to the hair-dresser) proceed with caution. While thin hair hates being styled in any other manner, it will take to these curls like a fly to cow poo...like a moth to flame... those shorter layers, be prepared for them to stick out a a right angle from your head with no hope of containment. It's a great look for work. Truly.

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  49. You are so stinkin' adorable. Love that hair and the outfit. The jacket! I want it.

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  50. As I type my hair is covered in bobby pins and tiny twisty buns. You have given me hope Shannon... and a good way to startle the UPS guy.

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  51. BEEYOOTEEFULL.
    (yes, I'm doing the catch-up thing.)
    xo, Cheryl

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  52. this half baldie is rejoicing and taking notes for hair power!
    I am so impressed with our mad stylist skills, rock on super girl!

    And the well, oh my oh my oh my!
    Wonderful news, so proud and as always inspired by your faithfulness

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  53. Oh my gosh...you look absolutely beautiful! Your hair, clothes, everything! Ah!

    Merry Christmas, from one homey to another!

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