Monday, December 5, 2011

A Few Things

1. Going away for the night should not carry the expectation of returning "rested". That's just never going to happen, and that's okay. Sometimes a break is just a break. It's not a catch-all for every little thing that my regular life doesn't allow for. I won't look fashionable and finish all the shopping and visit one of those new-fangled blow-out salons and catch a show and get ten solid hours of sleep all in the span of 24 hours. But I will climb out of my routine and I'll shake a little stress off my shoulders. Works for me.

2. There is a Salvation Army Thrift Store in downtown Chicago that sells 1980's, pastel abstract oil paintings for $130 and wraps purchased glass-wares in (unused) Depends, disposable diapers, and maxi pads. In the words of the clerk, "You gotta do what ya gotta do when you don't have no paper." Oh Lordy, I loved it. I was gleeful. There are few things I love more than a strong hit of Ridiculous. Still, I felt sorry for the man taking home a bud vase wrapped in extra-absorbent feminine hygiene. How exactly would he explain that? I was so excited to see what my Corelleware platter would be wrapped in. I was banking on the Depend. Or a group effort of some kind. Imagine my disappointment when a new clerk took over, reached down and ripped off a big sheet of paper. Robbed.

3. $0.50 blackberries are surprisingly portable. I find myself intermittently nervous when I think about the end of the fiddy cent sale.

4. My wimpy hair doesn't hold up to rain. Or a gentle breeze. Or a gnat yawn.

5. My purse from this post is from Gap, circa 2007. I fell in love with it the first time I met it, but it cost $40. Maybe more. I walked away. Months later, I found it for $17 on clearance. I have pulled it out every single winter since and it never gets old. It's pilly-perfect. It makes me feel strangely like Margaret Houlihan. I can't explain it.


6. I've said it before, I'll say it again: When it comes to fashion, just layer with reckless abandon, Lucille. Throw things together that make even you a little twitchy. For example, there's this. It is glazed pecan corduroy britches that don't really fit, a purple waffle-T with silver crowns, and an $8 cheapskate weirdo cardigan thingy. I don't recall what shoes I had on, and I don't want to. It was only a month or so ago, but it feels like a millions years. All I know is, I felt like I was back in third grade when I left the house. I doubted everything I've ever believed. I wanted to be a girl who does better than this. For a brief moment in time, I envied the girls who match a little. But then the sun got all hazy and Cory took some pictures and I like it. Purple + Glazed Pecan Pants = art. Or maybe it's just me.

7. We should have a layering linky party one day. Just think of what we'd come up with!

8. I've also kicked around a "Weird Food" linky. Seems like the perfect inaugural linky.

9. I hate the word "linky".


10. For every good picture you post of yourself on your blog, you have to post a bad one. #whatishappeninghere,cory?


11. I think I still owe myself eighteen good ones, because I've posted this picture so many times.

12. The congregation is divided on bloggers who regularly post pics of themselves. Here's where I fall: I tend to connect most to bloggers who I can picture in my head when I read them. Also, it's important that the photos they post aren't all Glamour Shots.

13. I've never did get any Glamour Shots. They seemed like the raddest thing around, there for a while. My life is just barely complete without a shot of myself in a black taffeta gown with blue eye shadow and mall bangs.

14. Glamour Shots linky!

15. Whenever I type "barely", I always, always, always first type it "barefly". What does this meannnnnnnnnnn??

16. I can't stop thinking about corduroy. A short story: I was in 6th grade. We were playing Heads Up Seven Up in our class at church. (The Bible story must have been a short one.) I had my head down. Steve Belcher tapped my head. When it was my turn to guess, I said "Steve Belcher". The teacher vehemently accused me of cheating. But I wasn't cheating. Moral of the story? Don't wear corduroy pants whilst playing Heads Up Seven Up. Duh, Steve Belcher. The end.

17. I always felt a little depressed over corduroy the bear, with his tired green overalls and his missing button and whatnot. It would be sad to only come alive after hours.

18. Sometimes I feel like I only come alive after hours.

19. Let's play free association. I'll say a word, you start typing what comes to mind. Ready? Corduroy! Go!

20. Twenty is really more than a few. It's too many. I've taken advantage. On the flip-side, I barefly remember the dreary day I had today, so there's that.

70 comments:

  1. Bear, of course. But you already said that, I know. Still, it's the truth.

    I rarely post pics of me on my blog, but that's mostly because my husband rarely picks up the camera and I rarely allow my kids to touch it, so I'm kind of in a bind. But I like seeing pictures of the writers, tis true. I like seeing pictures of you, both the glam and the non-glam. You've got a lovely, friendly face, m'dearie. (I spelled "face" as "frace". What does that say about me???)

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  2. So this made me laugh. More than once. And I so needed that! For the record, I'm also a fan of layers. And I used to LOVE corduroy the bear! :)

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  3. Layers are the way to go...something in the ensemble has to look good!!

    XO,
    Jane

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  4. corduroy. (you asked for it!)
    a relative's aunt was wearing corduroy pants. She wasn't thin and the ribs were rubbin'.
    Her husband says "stop pacing Mary, you're gonna start a fire!"


    Jan

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  5. This was genius to me. I needed it.

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  6. That is the best outfit. Corey is a mad good photographer. If he comes here he can take a picture of me in pecan courdroy pants. I don't want to look up how to spell that. Love me any way : )
    I think I have a picture of me somewhere I can post this week.
    Just picture this. A round ball. With eyes. hair that is WAY Way gray.
    I should do a post but I am so tired of editing. I think I will go to bed instead. Or maybe I will look for a picture of me for you : ). Just for you.

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  7. the elusive chocolate brown, chunky texture perfect pants I've been searching for for years.

    and I L-O-V-E this spilling of all the things inside you. And your curly hair is beautiful. Peace.

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  8. Corduroy... shorts...circa 1980. Yup, I wore them with tights. I posted a terrible pic of myself just yesterday. Double chin and all. I hoped the babies distracted the reader's eyes.

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  9. That was such an interesting post, I hardly know where to start. The Goodwill packaging it is then. Horrifying. Beyond horrifying. Not just barefly horrifying.

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  10. corduroy...my favorite bright yellow corduroy pants. Sometimes I even wear them with orange Converse tennis shoes. I teach high school English, and one day just for fun I made my class of 16-year-old students be absolutely still as I made a lap around the classroom in all of my swish-swishy glory. It was lovely.

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  11. Corduroy! I think of brown pants I was forced to wear in grade 4. Hated them. Now love them and wear them all the time!
    I should post more photos of myself on my blog, but I'm the only one behind the camera. sigh.
    Jo-Anna

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  12. I completely over-think word games. I can not commit to one word. First thing I thought of was brown. How dull.

    This post made me miss you. Even more.

    xxoo

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  13. I can't do word association. My mind doesn't work like that. That first pic of you is the best one ever I think. Seriously good. I kind of did that good with the bad on our Christmas card. That was THE worst picture of me ever. Just too funny not to share.

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  14. word assoc: chocolate - b/c I had a pair of gap corduroy pants in high school in chocolate brown. I loved them.
    p.s. I layered with semi-reckless abandon on Sunday white tanktop, gray rufflyish collar long sleeve and buttonplaid short sleeve. I was all proud of myself and thought of you.I just need a pair of brown boots.

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  15. Shannan? Seriously? You are a very clever writer. I love your stuff. Keep it up, girl. It's awesome.

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  16. Oh my goodness, this post is hilarious as are the comments that follow! Exactly what I needed today to lift up my spirits. Thanks for sharing, you're AMAZING!

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  17. wow! you are just sooo funny! :)

    i love this whole list. . . actually i love all your last several posts. i'm sitting here while husband naps in my lap. my giggles were bouncing his head, poor boy. :)

    i especially love the bit about barfly! haha! for some reason this year i couldn't spell thanksgiving right for the life of me. something more life thangksiving

    xoxo

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  18. I know this one, I know this one... Tom Petty, song You Wreck Me!!!! First thing that came to mind, you see I used to pride myself on knowing lots, and lots of song lyrics, and poof there it was tonight. Next that came to mind, Frye boots, and how good they looked with a pair of hip hugging corduroys, Levi's of course. Oh my goodness to think I was once young. Dearest Farmgirl/Rentalgirl, I'm so grateful your alive after hours, your post safe me from couch sleeping...
    ~G~xo

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  19. i am a mom that comes alive after my kids go to bed. is that bad? or genius? should i feel guilty? girl, i'm loving this miscellany. my kids use my pads to clean the floor (the pads are clean, prior to) they get so proud of themselves for helping. oh and once my sage tried to eat a tampon. i confessed my love for you on my blog today. it's kind of embarrassing.

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  20. weird food linky...potato chips and ketchup. it's a little weird. but barefly.

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  21. Word Association: Soft or Toughskin Pants
    Glamour Shots... never had them but my high school senior 1991 pictures could definitely be a GS substitute. My scrunch sprayed, permy do was so rad. Complimented by my light blue eyeliner and frosted Silk Champagne Cover Girl lipstick. I was hot. I am totally with you on the word: Linky. Not a fan of the word.

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  22. Shannan, I'm a lurker here, but tonight I had to thank you for the post. This has been the longest, grayest, most boring day in Southern Indiana history, but you brightened it up like the sun. My husband has newly diagnosed lung cancer and has suffered from after-effects of treatment all day. He has dozed in the recliner, on the couch, in the rocker seeking a comfortable spot, dazed by the pain pills, muscle relaxers and Benedryl it takes to dull the pain. He hasn't said much, but laughed out loud at your delightful writing. I could "barefly" hold back my tears as I read it to him. Thank you for that. And keep on writing, Please, you have a gift.

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  23. Corduroy - fall. And brown.

    Boggers who post pictures of themselves - okay with me but enough with the Mac PhotoBooth pictures already! (not you of course. i'm talking about other people)

    This post - hilarious Loved it!

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  24. i love it when you tell us a few things or twenty...i never feel like i can get away it like you do. you're kind of genius like that.

    love your layering skillz. i've gotten better and better at it over the years...thank GOD we moved back to GA...4 seasons call for wearing layers.

    i need to post more pics of myself...i can't stand pics of myself so this should be an interesting journey.

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  25. You crack me up! I was so thrilled to see you wearing a pair of corduroy's! I was recently given a some corduroy's in a lovely walnut color but haven't worn them yet because I didn't know if they were currently fashionable. My fashion skills are seriously lacking.

    And the picture thing on the blog? I so agree with you, but you see I never have my picture taken! I'm not the photogenic type that is for sure.

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  26. Cozy.
    I didn't want this post to end!

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  27. corduroy... bonanza...
    I have no idea why.

    I participated in a link-up the other day (is that better than linky?) where the whole list appeared on the post of everyone participating. It was cool, since you didn't have to keep going back to the same original post to move link through to the next participant. I got all kinds of crazy traffic from just about everywhere, and read stories from all over the world. Very cool.

    Every time I have to type Doug, I first time it as Dog or Dough. Made for some interesting conversations with my former boss, Doug. (FYI the former-ness of that relationship has nothing to do with me repeatedly calling him Dough!)

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  28. mercy, girl. you bring the funny.
    love. xo

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  29. I love anything bordering on the ridiculous, and sanitary pad wrapping is beyond, just beyond anything I've ever seen.
    I love the word linky, which rhymes with hinky, which is one of my favorite words to describe stuff like the Salvation Army store.
    This is the hinkiest, most awesome post I've read in a long time. Love!

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  30. This post is so random and so great- you have a gift!

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  31. 20 didn't seem enough. I wanted it to go on longer. You have a gift. I absolutely LOVE reading your writing!

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  32. Oh, FPFG ....you have out done yourself here. I was sad when it ended.

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  33. Isn't layers why winter exists in the first place? I think it is; at least in my world.

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  34. I can't stop laughing...seriously! I don't think I could have kept my composure standing in line if I saw that happening in front of me. Corduroy makes me think of my brown corduroy pants I was considering giving up...maybe I'll just layer them crazy :)

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  35. Corduroy...a tan corduroy teddy bear that my daughter made for me from a pair of my son-in-law's old corduroy pants. It was to add to my teddy bear collection...and I won't tell you just how old I was when I was collecting! ;-)

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  36. You just flashed me back to 1st grade when I wore purple....corduroy....knickers. They were Way Cooler than they sound. I wore them SO MUCH that I wore holes in the knees of my knickers. ha! I miss them.
    Jodi at themillertroop@gmail.com

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  37. I think you are fantastic. That is all.

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  38. swish, swish, swish, swish, swish...I could go on. It's like that bad song you can't get out of your head. Curse you corduroy!

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  39. B.R.I.L.L.I.A.N.C.E. today girl!!

    Loved every word!!

    Melissa {Miss Sew & So}
    :)

    x

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  40. "Duh, Steve Belcher."
    Laughed out loud!!!
    And that last name had to have been a real source of pride for him...specifically between the ages of 4 and 19. (give or take a year or two on each end.)

    Still processing the feminie hygiene products usage...not sure I would have been able to handle that one with any ounce of adultness.

    Word association: Corduroy
    First: Hard to spell.
    Second: Brown overalls cira 1996-ish from Express
    wore. them. out.

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  41. Oh, Farmgirl.
    You are cracking me up over here in New Yorkana.
    Now you've gone and made me wonder where my glamour shots pics are. I'm kind of afraid to go looking. Gotta love the 80's.

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  42. corduroy? i just got the new book one yard wonders: fabric by fabric and there is a farmers market bag made from corduroy that is to die for! i must make it soon, but that's what i always say and then i don't do it....

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  43. You always make me laugh with your brutal honesty. And yet, there's always a profound nugget wedged in your string of words that's the pearl I choose to tuck inside my heart. Like this:

    "Sometimes a break is just a break. It's not a catch-all for every little thing that my regular life doesn't allow for."

    I needed this. I too often try to perfectly-vacation. A break is a break, for sure!

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  44. my son din not want corduroy jeans in college because he would be drawing attention to himself when he walked through the library !! couldn't have that.

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  45. Holla!

    Unh Hunh...I just said that.

    Again.

    It was my answer to word association.

    Okay. Not really.

    I LOVE word association.

    For whatever reason, when I play it, I always end up saying "foot" more than once. It has a tendency to irritate a certain best pal.

    You said corduroy.

    I said tomatillo.

    No lie.

    Regarding # 4: Nothing that a home perm can't fix!! Or a really bad and short haircut.

    Your ideas on layering have possibly freed me.

    Let the healing begin.

    Finally...my hubby works at the U of Minnesota and per my request, will bring me boxes so I can ship Etsy orders. Call me cheap, but I pass that savings on to the customer. There are too many boxes in the world to buy boxes.

    so...he's a nurse and came home with a few "adult diapers" boxes one night. I was horrified as I sell home decor, baby items and wedding decor. I think I said "what? I don't want to seem unappreciative, but I can't send someone a wedding item in an adult diaper box!" He still laughs at me to this day. I'm of the mindset that when planning a wedding or having a baby, you don't really want to be reminded of the aging process and a weak bladder, but that's just me. Your Salvation Army story made me wax nostalgic and this story just came up...

    Thanks for making me smile!

    xxoo~

    TT

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  46. okay so I was totally about to tell you that looking at Steve's corduroys is totally cheating, but before I could type it I got up to get a washcloth to clean Chloe off and my corduroy pants made that sound and I realized ohh...that's what she meant! I had no idea how to spell that by the way.

    oh and ps-you look gorgeous in that outfit/pictures!

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  47. ...corduroy?...every mother alive knows the answer to that...bear...blessings

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  48. Best. Post. Ever. It made me nostalgic for my $10 brown corduroy bell bottomed pants from the gap (bought in 1999, thank you very much!) And I hate the word linky too. It rhymes with stinky though, and that kind of makes me laugh. Because I'm five years old.
    -Shannon

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  49. Yes, please do some weird food and layering linkies. How fun would that be!

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  50. how did you post this without me stalking it? I totally laughed out loud at your barefly comment. But I'm hopped up on goofballs so it's probably EXTRA funny to me right now.

    No, it's really fun even to a stone cold sober non whacked out on painkillers person!

    And as far as the free association, I pretty much go right for my Jim Gaffigan impression. Works every time.

    And I think hashtags should become part of our vocab. Or least we could have a symbol like that "quote" thing with the two finger-pumps in quick succession. #justsaying.

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  51. Oh dear...this really made me crack up. The longer it got, the funnier. :) Thanks for the laugh, lady lou!

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  52. I see your corduroy and I raise you...
    culottes!

    I much prefer link-up to linky. Although linky always makes me sing the Slinky song in my head.

    I plan to layer up a shirt, cardigan and scarf for xmas eve. I thought about ditching the scarf and thought nahhh..Shannan would totally keep the scarf.

    Much love for this post.

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  53. I have the "Salvay" wrap my glasswares in the inevitable 3/4 sleeve shirt I bought there. I'm all over courdoroy at the moment, even though I can't spell it without looking it up - which obviously, I did not do just now. I have three 'cord' jackets, and I have been sporting a pair of Banana Republic green 'cords' that have become woefully too big for me, but I shan't dispose of them. Perhaps I'll wrap some glassware in them. First thing I think of when the C word comes up? George Constanza. Oh, and I got a Glamour Shot done in 1998, just in case I needed a head shot for my real estate career. Come to find out , never did need it. Longest.comment.ever.

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  54. I read this aloud to my husband. He didnt'fall asleep, which means it was really good. I could've told him that. You're really good. I laughed so hard, gasping, & crying all at the same time. I really relate to the feeling like I'm in 3rd grade and the whole thing. thanks for making my day, er, I mean late night blog reading session. Nice to know others don't have dates, and consider 9p.m. late. :) see you in the funny papers.

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  55. OK, just a few things. First, this was hilarious! I kept laughing out loud. Second, your mention of Corduroy made me think about how my little sister called him "Corduroyal" so that's what we call him. Yesterday we got pics of our little guy we are adopting from Korea and, I kid you not, it was like his foster mom had read your post. Oh the extreme layering. He had on a vest in the EXACT "glazed pecan" shade of your pants and it looked like it was polyester. That vest was over a red, white, and blue striped shirt a la 4th of July and on the bottom was grey jersey pants. Fabulous! My friend and I who both read your blog thought it was so funny to get those pics of his outfit within hours of your post.

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  56. garan animals I think i used to have a pair of those in corduroy! Loved this post! You are always a bright spot! Traci

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  57. What a postie!!!
    I received a gift from a secret pal in homemakers one year LOL...wrapped in breast pads...from nursing :/ OH! It was in a tin band aid box too.
    Ohhh Corduroy...he is so sweet. Pullin' on that mattress button...

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  58. "glamour shots linky" will keep me going all day...thank you.

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  59. oh how I've missed you friend!!! The crazy sickness that has been consuming my house has kept me from you -- No! and I've been looking forward to catching up all week. Just so you know, you didnt dissapoint. :)

    Cracking up about the maxi pad thrift shop, ready for all your linky parties ... also hate the word linky ... started my own, its on its 2nd week right now and having trouble advertising it because I hate the word Linky!!

    Corduroy, I used to credit so much of my inadequacies from childhood to wearing so much corduroy. That and dark rinse jeans .. the way heavy, not cool dark rinse when everyone else was wearing the light ones. Consequently as an adult I only wear dark rinse ... and I did just buy a pair of corduroys from Target ... maybe my mom did know what she was up too :)

    Missed you!

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  60. I'm catching up on my blog reading and I can't tell you how much I love your writing. You need to write a book. I'd read it. And give it to everyone I know. You have so much to offer. And I'm not a stalker, I promise.

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  61. You make me either laugh or cry everytime I get a chance to visit! I love it, thanks so much for being you- all of you!

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  62. You absolutely crack me up. I can barefly contain myself!
    I remember getting so upset in second grade once when my teacher initiated an unexpected game of heads up seven up. I was wearing windsuit pants. Yes, loud, swishy, windsuit pants.

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