Sunday, November 13, 2011

You'll Have Those Days

It's been a weekend.

For starters, I cashed in a massage Cory got for me last Valentine's Day. I'm a hoarder when it comes to gift certificates. I just like knowing I have them, that's all. And once I use them, well, they're gone. I can no longer day dream about them on days when Silas spills Ruby's entire bowl of cereal on the kitchen carpet and then all of his applesauce on the dining room carpet.

I need to change the subject, because I'm getting all sweaty over the true realization that I now have nothing to look forward to waiting in my wallet.

So, the massage. I took my friend Holly who was also in need of a pick-me-up. While they "got things ready" we drank tiny paper cups of tea and discussed Noah's ark. I revealed my skepticism over the ark having two of EVERY kind of animal. That just doesn't square with me. Impossible! She was more worried about the humans on the boat, what with the stench and all. I think her last words on the topic may have been something along the lines of, "After one hundred and fifty days, don't you think they were like 'Get. Me. OUT. Of. Here.'?"

Then they called us back. We were both so ready to relax. So desperate for a little quiet. "See ya later! Have fun!" I said, as she walked through her door and I headed toward mine. What we didn't know was that the two doors both led into the same room.

Through an egregious, regrettable miscommunication, we had been set up for a Couples Massage.

Lordy. There I was. There she was. There was candlelight. It was insanely awkward. Reality TV gone bad.

The massage therapists left us to change and we started cackling so loud over the whole ordeal. We are both prudes. We own it. In Holly's words, "I'm just not European enough". We ended up asking them to batten down the hatches and close the partition. They apologized profusely. We just kept laughing.

The massage was bliss. I walked out with my mashed up face and my greasy hair and I felt like I owned the world.

We had friends over for dinner - homemade pizza and punch and talk-talk-talking.

Cory and I fell into bed at midnight, just hours before my hormones kicked in and I became atrociously "unwell", as my friend Jayme would say. I've been bluesy and foggy and dizzy and grumpy all day today. I have a zit on my eyelid that makes me look like I lost a fight. It shows no sign of relenting. I never posted a picture of Ruby's first day of pre-school because I'm a horrible mother. I don't want tomorrow to be Monday. I don't want this week to be so busy. I don't want to miss my family. I don't want to think about all those forgotten pumpkins. I don't want to clean applesauce off of the dining room carpet ever again.

It's been one of those nights where every little sadness bubbled up to my surface until I unleashed the torrent on the way to Target and ended up with a dumb cry-baby headache.

Cory mostly listened then bought me a magazine and took me out for a hot chocolate and a doughnut.

I would tell you that I accidentally ordered a cake doughnut when everyone knows yeast doughnuts are way better, but that would just seem like I'm begging for a pity party.

We drove home and I felt my normal self shoving all the crud out of the way. I saw hope flicker alive again. I believed once again that my life is good. I can survive a bad day, a busy week, a beige rental and a book without an ending.

But if this zit is any bigger in the morning, all bets are off and I'll have no choice but to adorn myself in many layers of fleece, watch some mid-day television and lose myself in a vat of salsa.

To be continued...


  1. That is the cutest picture ever.
    Oh no! Please tell me there was not applesauce in the carpet... that is too funny for words.
    The massage story is hilarious.
    So is the zit word image ; )
    This week is going to be a good one for you. I just know it.
    I don't know if I can sleep now though because of that cake donut choice. Are you serious? That is the worst...the absolute worst.

  2. You had be laughing out lout in my quiet living room. Sorry that I was still laughing while I was reading about you spilling tears of sadness.

    You looked beautiful this morning, pimple and all. And get "well" soon. ;)

  3. honey-

    i'd just sit you on that couch for the day and do *your monday stuff* for you if i lived down the street...

    she is one little cutie...who didn't know here photo wasn't posted :)

    Melissa- Miss Sew & So

  4. Once my one and three year old boys squeezed a bottle of ketchup all over my light gray living room (berber)carpet. I did not act in a motherly way. :/ ahem. Actually I screamed and cried. I sure feel ya on those spills!!!

    Moving this week into a (tiny) beige rental and have been clinging to your letting go posts. (ha) I feel you on the tears, too. I don't know how we will survive but I'm believing that if you can do it, I can do it. It doesn't make sense to me, but God knows why. If I send you pictures of my "kitchen" you will see it's almost creepy, like I am trying to imitate you or something. (So far I have NO dishwasher though, wonder if I remember how to actually wash my own dishes?!)

    All that to say, thanks for articulating this life so honestly and with humor. You give me courage!

  5. ruby is so precious.
    i am absolutely entertained at the massage adventure.
    what a story!
    sending you a huge hug. cake doughnuts are such a let down.

    elijah had the worst stomach flu of all time the last few days. salsa is helping me recover;)

    love you. LOVE.

  6. You need a hug, Farmgirl!
    Your massage sounds delightful, awkwardness and all.
    Are you going home for Thanksgiving?
    Is your book really that close to being done? How exciting!
    Is this not the most random comment ever?

  7. Oh good!!! I was hoping that if I took a bath & came back I wouldn't have to be the first to comment! I know everybody's usually in the running for 'Top Billing', but this post was different. I was laughing profusely at the beginning, I mean you couldn't have asked for better blog material than a couples massage! But(resisting the strange urge to put a second t here) by the end I felt so bad for you I nearly cried with ya!


  8. First of all, that girl of yours - absolutely the most precious ever, so adorable! Second of all, the couples massage story is pretty dang funny. And third of all, I hate dumb cry-baby headaches. Hoping yours is better now. Hugs to you, friend.

  9. Days like this---oof. They wear me out!

    I woke up crying this morning---a sad dream, a deep longing for the past. I'm hoping the melancholy doesn't linger all day.

  10. It's been a weekend around here, too. Real life stuff. Hope the zit disappears and the headache stays at bay.

  11. Wow, so why don't we all write posts like this more often? Love how real you are. I'm working on sharing more "real" because let's face it... It's where we're at.

    In the meantime, sit on the couch in fleece, watch a little mid-day t.v., and fill up on salsa. It's good for the sinuses, and hey, w/ all those tears - could be you need your sinuses flushed... Just sayin'

    Hugs on a Monday, Shannan! ~Sally

  12. I understand "unwell" very well. Those days are worthy of doughnut splurging. Only thing is...I order the cake doughnuts. On purpose. Me likes em better. Thinking I'm in the minority on that one.

  13. Law child - I'm in the throes of unwellness and I'm afraid to use the bathroom because of all the cayenne I ingested yesterday. It's going to hurt, I know it. It's so hard going through times like this girl - but the key word is THROUGH. You will go through and be the better for it. Don't be so busy for a while. I'm stopping all the shenanigans til after Christmas.

    And about the ark? What about the insects? There were two ants? Two centepedes? And I guess I never thought about it before, but I suppose they shoveled the poo and threw it off the side - so who knows - maybe it wasn't as bad as it sounds - at least there was no cake donuts and applesauce ground in carpets. Law child, I do hope today is better.

  14. Not only were there two of every animal, but there were seven of the clean ones. Feel Better, FG.

  15. Would you believe that same couples massage thing happened to me when I lived in Texas? We were d.y.i.n.g. And there was no partition. And I am an old fogey prudey type, as is my friend, Jill. We were ducking behind the massage tables to remove our robes. We laugh about it now, but I got not one moment of relaxation from that massage.

  16. Sometimes sister, we're so in tune with each other it's scary! I too had my own pity party yesterday and wanted a doughnut!! After much internal drama, I didn't get my doughnut, and I decided that I would be much happier (along with everyone else) if I took a nap. Later Mr. D came and sat on the bed and stared at me...for a very long time...didn't say anything...was kind a creepy. Long story short, he took me to get my doughnut, but I decided to get cheeseCAKE instead. Still wish that I had just got the doughnut.

  17. Must be a full moon over Indiana because I had the exact same day- mine even involved a Target breakdown too. Hope you're Monday is 1,000 x's better sister!!!

  18. Don't even get me started on zits...every month a new one comes on my cheek...and then it takes forever to go away...and then leaves a dreadful "mark" on me face...i had like 1 pimple all through high I bought some "Tarte" brand expensive make up from QVC the other night that is supposed to give you an airbrushed finish...its come to that!! Anyway...funny massage story! I've been hoarding my Groupon 1 hour facial... ; )

  19. So I'm not alone in my crazy hormonal mess?! This is good news.

  20. Ps. I have about six big unrelenting chin zits. Wanna trade?

  21. I have a huge zit on my chin, it hurts too! I hate those gihugic zits that seem to never come to a head!

    Funny about the massage!

  22. I needed that post after coming off an atrocious week of "unwellness" myself! I never laugh early in the morning, but this couples massage of yours has had me chuckling all morning. I've never had a couples massage experience, so all I can imagine are the candle-lit spa scenes from The Bachelor. Lordy! I think I would have died of embarrassment on the spot.

    Anyways...I love Ruby's picture. She's radiant. I love cake donuts. They are just better. And I love hope. Fan that flicker, girl!!!

  23. Oh! Cry baby headaches are bad. I hope today is a rosier day for you sweetness. My grandmother had a carpeted kitchen. And a crazy clumsy granddaughter. The year we lived with her I remember specifically (among many other things, I'm sure) dropping a container of cottage cheese on the carpet (which I tried to clean up with the help of a spatula. Good times) and dropping a raw egg on there. Let's just say I was not her favorite grandchild.

  24. I have had a lot of those days lately. And I don't like 'em. I am a "glass is half full" kinda girl, don't wallow much. I am out of my comfort zone here. I have been watching entirely too much mid-day tv.

    I hope you beat it out of your funk soon. I hope I do too.

    xoxo from Cleveland

  25. Oh Ruby, she is too precious.

    I know the week you have been through and very recently I might add. Thank you for making me laugh! Here's to a better week and an awesome Monday (and I think that doughnut calls for a do-over, stat).

  26. Oh, your Ruby. She is adorable and makes me want to hurry up and adopt a child of my own!

    I'm sorry your week was tough: applesauce in the carpet? Ok, maybe I'm rethinking this "having children of my own" thing.

    As someone who is sitting on the outside of your life looking in (doesn't that sound creepy?), you have a very blessed life. A busy life. But, blessed. This is just a season and God will use it for His glory.

    Enjoy the comedy in the "applesauce and carpet" days. It seems that even when you're having a rough few days you still find the joy and humor in them and that is something I need to do more with my own life.

    And what a wonderful husband you have! Did he just take you out for hot chocolate on the spur of the moment?

    I'm looking forward to reading about your week. I've been very convicted over the past few weeks following your blog. We are moving too and it's been an adventure sprinkled with drama. I too, have to remember it's not my life that changes.

    It's going to be a good week. For both of us!

  27. I can't help you out with non-couple couple massages. or cereal or applesauce. But the zit? maybe I can help... Lavender essential oil. (Some people love the smell; personally, I loathe it. But it works so well, I use it anyways)
    As soon as you feel / see a zit cropping up, put a drop of the oil on it every time you go to the bathroom. (no - there's no connection between using the toilet & the oil working - I just need something to associate things with, or I'll forget ;-) I promise it helps! Stinks. but it helps!

  28. Yep, we all have one of those days. Thanks for finding the humor in it & sharing it with us. LOVED the story about the massage. I'm a prudie too. I get it. : )
    It made me think of a VERY funny episode of "Reba". I think the episode is called "Guy Time". I think you can find it on youtube. It would be worth watching for sure. I laughed so hard that I snorted.

  29. first of all...thank you for the visit and the sweet comment! made my monday morning a little brighter.;D
    and awww dang i know that feeling so well!!! somedays i'd give up being a woman but just for a couple of days a month...i wouldn't want to be a guy for long.

  30. You make me smile- and I hope that makes you smile!! The massage thing- hilarious! Applesauce? Mine's hot chocolate... ugh. Busting out the carpet cleaner later. Maybe. Have a bug bite of some sort on my face that will not go away, right in the smiley ( ) around my mouth. Wonderful. And an inch of gray roots to be covered... I'd kill for a massage right now, couples or not!!

  31. haha, oh my...a couples massage! too funny!!

  32. Oh, Flower Patch Massage Girl, that was just the funniest massage story ever. And if your Holly is the same girl as my Holly, well then, I am just doubled over imagining the laughter and the awkwardness.

    I hope your Monday is good to you today. The kids and I are trying to be nice to each other, but we all know right now that it's just a front.

    Hugs and love,

  33. You crack me up. And as a massage therapist I think couples massages in general are just weird. I do not like two other people in the room when I am giving a massage! It is weird for the therapists too! Anyway...I happen to be watching midday TV right this very minute. It's just that kinda day. I have iced chai but no salsa. dang.

  34. Sorry you've had a rough weekend! And that I'm requesting something from you on Wednesday in the middle of a busy week :s I hope it gets better. And that picture of Ruby is just the cutest ever.

  35. Really can relate!

    I would take any massage right now, but totally get that it must have been awkward!

    I love that you worry about all of the pumpkins...

  36. I wish I had read this post first thing this morning. You had me laughing so hard that Keeks got tickled about it too and threw herself into the floor with the giggles. It's even funnier since she has no idea what she's laughing about.

    I'm so sorry about Siley and his applesauce that obviously has a personality of its own and does not want to be defined by the walls of the bowl you chose to serve it in.

    Eat more salsa.


  37. "'This is the work (service) that God asks of you: that you believe in the One Whom He has sent {that you cleave to, trust, rely on, and have faith in His Messenger}'~John 6:29 AMP. That's my daily work, the work God asks of me? To trust. To trust in the Son, to trust in the wisdom of this moment, to trust in now. And trust is that: work. The work of trusting love. Intentional and focused. Sometimes, too often, I don't want to muster the energy. Stress and anxiety seem easier. Easier to let a mind run wild with worry than to exercise discipline, to reign her in, slip the blinders on and train her to walk steady in certain assurance, not spooked by spectators looming ahead. Are stress and worry evidences of a soul too lazy, to undisciplined, to keep gaze fixed on God?"~Ann Voskamp
    ...learning it with you...xo

  38. I just like you a lot!

  39. Applesauce in seserve to wail. Once when I was at the clothesline, Annie came running out and said Mommy the baby is throwing eggs on the kitchen carpet. And she was. And it was Abbie. That girl has been trouble since Day One. haha Hope you are better and the zit is gone.

  40. I cannot help it, I am laughing...still...over the couples massage fiasco. You and Holly are eternally connected in massage oil bliss.

    I am still laughing.

    And then, not, because I so get the zit on the eyelid as I have one at the hairline on the back of my neck. Gotta love it.

    Oh and your comment about losing yourself in a vat of salsa reminds me of a text fiasco recently in which my brand spankin' new phone translated "Well, just go eat a vat" into "well, just go eat a cat." Which, considering I wasn't talking anything about cats, made me laugh for probably 45 minutes straight. And then I called my mom (the receiver of the text) and she was laughing before she even answered.

    I am laughing now recounting it even though I know in my heart it's not all that funny.

    I think I just miss you.

  41. I love the photo of Ruby, She is so adorable! I once dropped (and trust me it broke and wasn't pretty) an entire jar of spaghetti sauce on the BRAND NEW white carpet in my just-moved- into apartment. WHO puts WHITE carpet in the KITCHEN of a rental apartment? Never did get that stain out. As for unwell moments, don't get my husband started. At least Cory is compassionate. Mine just looks at me like I have 3 heads. BTW: plain cake doughnuts are my all-time favorite. I love your blog!!!

  42. Love your blog.
    I almost did a spit-take with my soup when you said "Couples Massage!"

    I've done the cry in the Target parking lot.
    I've accidentally ordered that cake donut - when everyone knows yeast are better.

    Actually, my pity party food is drive-thru Bouna Beef with NO peppers with cheese.

    And, on the REALLY bad days...
    Don'tcha just know they always seem to put peppers on it?

    But, this too...(does) pass.

  43. My darling friend Esther and I made that same mistake! Well, we went in knowing we were in for a couples massage...but now laugh about how weird of a choice it was. Good times.

  44. That's too funny. I would have just gone with it. :) I love massages, but I've never had a couples massage, my husband is too shy for that. I have had a male therapist the last 2 times and that felt a little weird. :/ Not as weird as the time I was getting a detox massage and the lady proceeded to massage my tots...not kidding. I was mortified. Apparently there's lots of toxins in those fun bags. I've gone too far haven't I? :)