Wednesday, November 30, 2011

How to Fix a Broken Week (Part II)

I woke up much too early this morning and I cried. I never cry in the morning. Do you? Well, I did. I was sure I couldn't do it all over again today. Cory was every way of amazing, as always. We whispered. We had a 2-hour delay and high hopes that the kids might sleep in a bit.

Then Silas woke up at 6:30. When he normally sleeps until 8. I think I cried a tiny bit more. It couldn't have been helped.

Then I kissed every face in the house and set to making cinnamon waffles.

I decided that I needed what I needed. God had heard my crying, He'd assured me that He had the day. But I decided I'd take my day standing up, with make-up on and a belly full of waffles.

I refused to acknowledge the tired. I refused to waste another moment worrying.

I read in Ecclesiastes, I read it out loud. There was no Big Secret Message, but I was fascinated by the idea of letting my words be few. Really? I like it. That's kind of my go-to method. But I always secretly thought it was wrong. Many nights, my prayer is something like this, "Thank you, Jesus. I love you." I've been talking to Him all throughout the day. He knows my heart. He owns it. So I let my words be few. Is that bad? Not according to chapter 5.

Tangent alert, right?

So back to my day.

I took to the outdoors whilst Ruby sang to "the grandpas and grandmas" at a nursing home with her pre-school. The boys rode their bikes through the snow and I took pictures. It fixes so many things for me, the combination of real air and a lens.

I built a castle with Silo. We shipped Calvin out, rustled Ruby up.

Then we ran errands. Three. We walked slushy in our boots in that strange winter air that feels so much warmer than it really is, the sun all streaming down.

We had Jimmy Johns just for the stinking heck of it (and because I had a BOGO.) Vito with banana peppers, Baybay. With vinegar chips and a coke.

Three businessy men complimented my "well behaved" small people on their way out. I laughed on the inside. (If they only knew of the two days that led up to our morning about town.) I took that moment for the gift that it was.

Incidentally, what do you call a woman who buys eleven boxes of berries?

I don't know, what?

Flower Patch Farmgirl, that's what.

You call her a genius. You call her $7.75...richer. You heard me.

You might also call her well-fibered. Anti-oxidant addled. Blue-toothed.

Later, I admired our wonky nativity, then I read my new favorite post of all time, by my sister-friend Heather. Check it. She pretty much says everything that needs to be said. And she nails the ending: "Perhaps we're the ones perpetually jacking this story up." It was all so true and normal and profound. I had no choice but to Facebook it.

So, I'm back in the saddle. Next time I get too mopey, remind me to grab beauty and joy by the ears and yank it my way.

I love my life, I do. Even the blurry bits.


  1. That's our girl...true, smart, honest, and wonderful all wrapped up in a pretty groovy body. You inspire me.

  2. Vito = love. Your transparency = love. Advent = love. He comes...

  3. :) yes you do. the good, the bad and the crying in the morning. if rubes need tips on being a 'vegenarian'... you just send her sweetness over here and ari wil tell her all about it. :) she once asked a man at our church (who had just said he hated all veggies) if he felt being a carnivore was the best choice for his body... yep. :)

  4. Bacon-Berry-Hoarder.
    LOVE vinegar chips AND Jimmy. YUM!
    Love Y.O.U.
    ps. will you please come and decorate gh? pretty please with sugar, bacon and berries on top? ;)

  5. I love your snow and your berries and your babies : )
    I really love your end of the day prayer. Beautiful.

  6. Shannan, Been thinking of you because you've been quieter than usual. (I guess I got used to hearing from you every day in October - those 31 DAYS!) Glad to hear your voice again. {hugs} ~Sally

  7. What a beautiful, beautiful family...LIFE is such a beautiful, sometimes hard, often funny, always wonderful gift...this advent season may your home be filled with His joy...Becky J

  8. bring on the berries. dang, why are they not on sale in my grocery stores?! another reason to live near you.

    seriously, seeing life through a lens (50mm for me) is so good and gives me a boost in my perspective. speaking of, your pics are gorg. (as in gorgeous. is it weird to shorten that?! i always want to.)

    on prayer and letting words be few...

    when i started dating my man (he was a Worship Pastor like he is now and i was just a college girl) we would pray together before we said goodbye after dates and such. cue the: "how sweet, and romantic." i know, i know. anyways. i wanted him to be impressed with my prayers so he would marry me; i memorized Scripture just to use in my prayers. how studious am i?! it is almost the absolute ridiculous thing i've ever done. anyways, eight years later, i let my words and prayers be short. he's totally okay with it and i feel less like a phony. true story.

    sorry for my novella.

  9. and just read the best post of all time from your friend. whoa. good stuff.

  10. First things first, Yes, I cry every morning, just my age. If I can't find something to cry about for myself, I look to others. If their having a good day, I then just make something up... What would I do without you and your blog that I adore.

  11. Goodness, I wish I had all of those berries stocking the shelves of my fridge. Enjoy them for me!

    As for the tears - I just love knowing that every tear is accounted for and cared for. And yes, fewer words (for me at least) is usually a good thing. I find in those broken moments, I know His presence in a greater and more intimate way. Hoping tomorrow is less tearful.

    Danya @

  12. Love the berry picture curtains.
    Love your winter sky pictures.
    Love hearing about your outing with your well behaved littles.
    Love the melting pot of legos and nativity.

  13. I've got my pompoms ready to cheer you on sister! We all need a cheering squad every so often....and that nativity puts so much into perspective. It's not about the perfectly situated, it's about the imperfectly wonderful moments. Take care my friend.

  14. from vinegar chips, to berries, and your nativity - you are all kinds of awesome. And these words of yours..."grab beauty and joy by the ears and yank it my way" they are spot on my friend.

  15. Çok güzel fotoğraflar:)

  16. I loved this post. Reading your blog is like getting to hear you thinking --- in print!

    Beautiful (!) photos!


  17. I've cried in the morning.

    This post warmed my insides.


  18. me too. oh, me too.

    ps creepy baby Jesus atop legos warms my heart like little else.

  19. That is one of the best nativity sets I've seen. I love it. And I love you. And I don't want you to cry anymore in the mornings, because God's got this.

    I'm so glad you found the beauty.

    I expect to hear the play-by-play this December of all Silas' antics with the nativity people.


  20. I just want you to know that I love every single one of your posts. I love the heart and soul you put into them.

    What I can't believe is that you only paid $7.75 for all those berries! I pay nearly $4 for one little plastic container of them. Where do you live? I'm moving there! ;-)

    Enjoy your berries.

  21. I'm sorry for your sadness and tears, though Jesus always finds us there and makes it better, so it's a win!! I loved your friends post....can't wait to look around there a bit more!!

  22. a good cry is just called for every now and then. pure cleansing and balance. our lives are pretty great. amazing when that becomes crystal clear. loved those pics too girlie. can't believe there is snow and ice.

  23. Your blog is so refreshing to read! It's nice to be reminded that I'm not alone as a parent in crazyville! We have a newborn. My daughter, who is the same age as Silas, has done some pretty amazing, scary stuff to her baby sister! I have cried to my husband both morning and night! I have also reminded God that His mercies are supposed to be new every morning! :) they are, i just need to have eyes to see them sometimes! I've said this before, but I am amazed by your gift of writing! So descriptive, and funny! You use metaphors in such fantastic ways I never new possible! May the Holy Spirit continue to equip you with all you need!

  24. The blurry bits are sometimes the best bits in life. They make us strong and remind us who is really in charge!

  25. as soon as i saw the meijer add and those berries i thought, "shannan's gonna be gettin' some of that".:)

  26. Although I know that mean comments do appear on blogs, I am just so sad that someone left one for you.
    I almost never comment, but had to do so today, in some effort to counteract the mean one. Your place on the web is my spot of calm and optimism and balance. Sometimes I check in more than once a day, just to read your wise and kind words and admire your photos. I admire you so much for opening your heart and sharing your life. I hope that my daughter grows up to be a woman like you. Heck, I hope that I can be like you!

  27. I have had an AWFUL week... and you know what they say misery loves company... i know that sounds morbid but for some reason it was refreshing for me to read about your crying session as i have had one of my own. Love your realness that's why i keep coming back!
    p.s also the nativity story you linked to... just a laugh/message i needed as well...

  28. I'm sorry that someone hurt you. Being a mom to bio or adopted children is a tough job and certainly not one that makes them or us happy every moment of everyday. I've written to you in comments about our struggles with my youngest adopted daughter. Somedays it is just plain hard and I would have days of crying (me and my daughter). I agree that everyone should leave their name. It is only fair.

  29. Your friend's post made me laugh. Hard.

    I hate that this week stinks.

    Your Pinterest food pins of the last couple days have been cracking me up, in context, though. Comfort food! :) Here's to a better Thursday. High in calories if necessary.

  30. I love your outlook and admire your balance or honesty and humor/beauty. That is a really hard balance to pull off . .. and in my opinion blogging (authentically)- and yet remaining soft requires the most courage ever. An ugly comment can send me offline for weeks. Good for you for keeping a firm chin up . .. bless you.

  31. I bought the same 10 boxes of blackberries the other day at Meijer. The saleslady thought I was crazy...I said, they are only $.50! I froze them. Yum all winter!

  32. Those pictures are perfection Shanny! I love your honesty and realness. Life is not always rainbows and butterflies and those blogs that would have you think so annoy me. Thanks for always keeping it real!

  33. I am still pondering what to say here... it was that good.


  34. I love you!

    (I'm out here in the amish, 2 little people, a phone with a horrible buzz, a tv that only plays cd's today & then last night the browser on my phone failed me - so no internet, but where there's a will there's a way....and I found a way (figured out blogger app) to read you!)

  35. i just like you. for your honesty. for your words. for your $8 (i'm rounding up) in berries.

  36. I'm not sure which is prettier today - the words or the pictures? Both made me smile. Blessings, friend :)

  37. you are my fave, over and over again.

  38. I did the make-up part today. Maybe it's the waffles I'm missing. Love this post, and hoping my own broken week will find some fixing soon.

  39. We love you for your wide-open heart. So glad you're brave enough to tell the truth. Don't be discouraged.

  40. girl what's with you and amazing berry deals, really send some of that my way! I'm sorry for the hurtful comment, I hope you're able to let it go, i have a hard time not letting words eat at me. and off to read heather's post, she's had some great ones on christmas over the years.

  41. makes my soul sing that you are bright within. also that you acquired all those amazing berries. i love you and am praying!
    sending you hugs. i am grateful for you!
    p.s. i read this earlier, was fresh to me today and i want you to see it, too:

    Psalm 31:19-24 ESV
    Oh, how abundant is your goodness,
    which you have stored up for those who fear you
    and worked for those who take refuge in you,
    in the sight of the children of mankind!
    In the cover of your presence you hide them
    from the plots of men;
    you store them in your shelter
    from the strife of tongues.
    Blessed be the Lord,
    for he has wondrously shown his steadfast love to me
    when I was in a besieged city.
    I had said in my alarm,
    "I am cut off from your sight."
    But you heard the voice of my pleas for mercy
    when I cried to you for help.
    Love the Lord, all you his saints!
    The Lord preserves the faithful
    but abundantly repays the one who acts in pride.
    Be strong, and let your heart take courage,
    all you who wait for the Lord!

  42. it's amazing how much i can love my fellow sis in Christ i have never met.

    that's you in case you're in a berry OD...

  43. blue-toothed. hahahaha.

    I wanted to tell you that I had a conversation with Sam that went like this:

    Sam: Who's this guy? (holding a Happy Meal Smurf)
    Me: Hefty.
    Sam: Oh, Hefty.
    Me: Yes.
    Sam: Ok, so I have Farmer Smurf, Gutsy Smurf and Shefty. Wait. Shefty?

    He literally said that and it cracked me to the core. These are the only moments that get me through the mornings where I wake up crying...

    I think I'll cling to these.

    Oh, and love you, but you know...duh.

  44. Is it weird that so many strangers know so much about your life while you know so little about theirs? I hope not, since I enjoy reading your stories so much. Sometimes, reading about your life makes me feel relieved that people like you exist out there. You know, just normal every day people. Thanks for sharing. Also, I had an eye zit the same week you did. Ridiculous.


  45. Wow, those berries are gorgeous! Makes me want to go out and find some berries on ice here in MN! So sorry about the bully who brought you down...I usually don't comment because I often think i'm just a small voice that who really cares, right? But just to make up for that mean comment you got, i'm gonna leave a bright, cheery, happy, 'in your face bully' comment on every post until you feel better. And probably after that too :) Hang in there, it's almost a new week!