Sunday, October 23, 2011

31 Days: Letting Go of What I Thought I Was Made For



For some girls, their blood pressure lowers with a picture of a sandy beach or a sunset. For me, it's always been something like this, just a tree in a field. I like it extra-green. It makes me feel alive.

You might say that it has been the desire of my heart to live in a place like this, where my soul breathes the freest. For the longest time, that's what I thought, too.

Right now it's after midnight and I hope you'll give me a pass - this post wasn't technically written on Saturday. But I had a chance to see a late movie with Cory and I'm no fool, I took it. We saw The Ides of March, a political suspense drama. (a.k.a. Ryan Gosling and Philip Seymour Hoffman in one bless-ed place.) I loved it. Every bit of it. It harkened me back to some of my roots during my brief stint in the political realm. I used to have pie-in-the-sky aspirations of being a talking head, you know. I love the angst and the everything-changes-on-a-dime. It's exciting to me in a weird sort of way. It makes me feel alive.

When we left DC and then, ultimately, when Cory stopped working in politics, we willingly walked away from those things, so ready to be done. It's funny how an hour and thirty-eight minutes and a bag of popcorn can take me back. I could almost see myself with that clipboard in my hand and the night looming long ahead of me. That latent love bubbled right up.

So how does a girl go from Mass. Ave. to a corn field to a rental with a wonky decor?

Well, it's a long story. Too long for the hour.

But what I can say is this: I was created to love many things. Some of them make sense, others sort of don't. But none of them, in the end, are the desires of my heart, because those can't be packed up in a box or retired. Those go with me. I couldn't leave them behind if I tried.


*For the rest of the Letting Go series, click here.