Sunday, October 23, 2011

31 Days: Letting Go of What I Thought I Was Made For



For some girls, their blood pressure lowers with a picture of a sandy beach or a sunset. For me, it's always been something like this, just a tree in a field. I like it extra-green. It makes me feel alive.

You might say that it has been the desire of my heart to live in a place like this, where my soul breathes the freest. For the longest time, that's what I thought, too.

Right now it's after midnight and I hope you'll give me a pass - this post wasn't technically written on Saturday. But I had a chance to see a late movie with Cory and I'm no fool, I took it. We saw The Ides of March, a political suspense drama. (a.k.a. Ryan Gosling and Philip Seymour Hoffman in one bless-ed place.) I loved it. Every bit of it. It harkened me back to some of my roots during my brief stint in the political realm. I used to have pie-in-the-sky aspirations of being a talking head, you know. I love the angst and the everything-changes-on-a-dime. It's exciting to me in a weird sort of way. It makes me feel alive.

When we left DC and then, ultimately, when Cory stopped working in politics, we willingly walked away from those things, so ready to be done. It's funny how an hour and thirty-eight minutes and a bag of popcorn can take me back. I could almost see myself with that clipboard in my hand and the night looming long ahead of me. That latent love bubbled right up.

So how does a girl go from Mass. Ave. to a corn field to a rental with a wonky decor?

Well, it's a long story. Too long for the hour.

But what I can say is this: I was created to love many things. Some of them make sense, others sort of don't. But none of them, in the end, are the desires of my heart, because those can't be packed up in a box or retired. Those go with me. I couldn't leave them behind if I tried.


*For the rest of the Letting Go series, click here.

23 comments:

  1. I hope you'll continue this for another 31 more days ~

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  2. and nothing i love makes sense. well, hardly anything. i love nonsense. what's this comment about? I don't know. I just love you bunches.

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  3. "I was created to love many things. Some of them make sense, others sort of don't." oh how this speaks to me in so many ways and on all levels. I feel exactly the same. Exactly. I have lived here in southern california my whole life and while others dream of living here, i can't wait to pack up and leave some day. it doesn't make any sort of sense, but my heart is pulling me back east somewhere, where I can have an acre or two or ten of land and a pretty tree just like the one you pictured. I'm going to Camp Mighty and I have to make a life list. To live in New England is on my list. I've never been and it doesn't make one bit of sense, but something tells me I belong there. I love this series. LOVE

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  4. I had no idea you enjoyed politics. I do not enjoy them in the slightest. Just the mere mention of them sends my stress level through the roof. My parents are passionate about what they like and don't like in the government.

    I am praying for you. Love your tree.

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  5. PS Gary and I saw Contagion 2 weeks ago. That was SUCH a great movie.

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  6. Loving the unexplainable lends us to a world just our own--with our own reasons, our own motives, our own convictions. I've loved a great many things, some of which remained and others which when up close contorted into something coming different altogether.

    And yes, they always come with you.

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  7. If you ran, I'd vote for you! ;)

    SHANNAN D MARTIN for prez

    Michele & Sarah wouldn't stand a chance!!! :)

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  8. I love what you said about being created to love so many things and not all of them making sense. Such a beautiful way to put it. And I agree!

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  9. I am tracking with ya... I got a very "useful" degree in Political Science. Starting in 6th grade I envisioned myself as a political pundit or journalist. But boy am I glad I'm mom instead.

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  10. Your journey is really teaching me how the desires of our heart sometimes get in the way of what our heart was really made to desire, to honor, and to experience. This is a lesson not easily learned, for me, and I just want you to know how much your story is blessing me as you share it. Thanks for taking the time to keep us updated every day. I'll be sad when the 31 days are over, but I know, as always, you will have amazing, soul-baring words for us all to climb under and connect with.

    You rock, girl. <3

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  11. I'm one to play it safe. I admire your ability and willingness to go where you feel lead without fear restraining you.

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  12. I had a similar encounter this week , the opportunity to walk right back in to my past, like I had entered a time capsule where the only thing that had changed was me. At first it hit me like a punch in the stomach, I missed it, my former life. I was so very good at it. It was a boost to my ego to have others remind me of this ... but about an hour in, I started to see the tarnish, nit the shine of they way thins once were ... I walked out if that bubble in time with a child in each hand, straight to the park and the sun on my face and the wind in my hair let me know where I was in that very moment was where I needed to be :) Life sure has a funny way of working out ;)

    I apologize for my typos -- I'm on my iPad

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  13. If I Find In Myself Desires Which Nothing In This World Can Satisfy, The Only Logical Explanation Is That I Was Made For Another World~~~ -C.S. Lewis

    God has given me so many of the desires of my heart.....but none of them are worth anything compared to Him....

    sounds a little cliche, but it's true...every word of it.

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  14. The sandy beach scene does nothing for me either. I much prefer the extra green!

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  15. Thank you for this. I've recently walked away from something that I thought I was created to love. And maybe I was - for a season. In this new endeavor I need to keep reminding myself that my Creator knows me better than I know myself and if I will just rest in Him, He will restore and show me how to live in His abundant life. I was encouraged by Beth Moore this week when she said that the Lord does not uproot where He does not intend to plant, and He doesn't tear down where He doesn't intend to build. Onward for His glory.

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  16. yes, i get this.
    my heart is always opened up wide when i read your words. the spirit floods in. so thankful he gives you these things to share.
    SO blessed.

    love you.

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  17. Oh, Shannan, I love your blog, your passion for your family and God, and you! But, I HATED that movie!! Thought it just confirmed all the negative stereotypes about politicians. I was also taken aback by the abrupt ending. I was distracted by a couple next to us in the theater and when I turned back to the screen they were rolling the credits.

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  18. SUCH a good point! The desires of our heart aren't tangible. Such truth.

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  19. like the person above, i love this post....and i love that the creator of this universe KNOWS the desires of my heart.

    but, i too HATED that movie. hated it within 5 minutes of watching it. :) i thought the story line was so cliche! to each their own :)

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  20. Love it! It reminds me of myself. After pursuing a "high stress, successful" career, I have traded it all for the peace of being a stay at home mom. There are times I miss the rush, the deadlines, the sleeplessness (besides the sleeplessness that comes with having a baby), but then I look at my life and I wouldn't trade it for the world.
    God does make us diverse, we would be pretty boring if we only like/loved one thing.

    I really like the ending to your post. It is so true what really matters cannot be boxed up or retired.

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  21. I didn't know you used to live in DC...so did we! I worked at McDermott, Will & Emery. I worked on grassroots campaign work, children's healthcare issues etc. I had all kinds of ideas of what I was going to be. So glad I am not any of those things:-)

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  22. Shannan,
    This one brought tears to my eyes.
    Me, too.
    xo, Cheryl

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