Saturday, October 29, 2011

31 Days: Letting Go of Ourselves

It is almost nine o'clock right now and I should be making chicken stock. I mean, shouldn't we all be making chicken stock, if we're being honest?

I read the recipe twice. Made my list. Shopped.

And now? Now I see that it calls for an onion. An onion that I do not have. Leave it to Paula Deen to get all exotic on me on a Saturday night. Blasted Paula with her double-blue eyes and her snooty onions.

I could probably bum an onion off of a friend here in town. But that wouldn't solve my second soup problem, which is that my whole fryer has to be cut up. Who the heck knows how to cut up a whole fryer? Not me, that's who.

It would all be fine, except that Robert is coming for lunch tomorrow and no one brings out my inner Paula quite like him. We haven't seen as much of him since he's been out of school and he mentioned that he hasn't been feeling well. 1 + 2 = Paula Deen's chicken noodle soup.

Do you see what has happened here? Love walked in.

I remember the first time I met Robert, just nine months ago. What on earth would we talk about? Well, we didn't talk about a whole lot, but ribs and cheesecake have a way of eliminating the need for extraneous words. He surprised me, that night. He was taller, broader than I had expected. He was more at ease and open than I expected. He hopped out of our van in the dead of winter in a t-shirt and everything in me wanted to toss him a puffy coat. I know now (probably knew it then, too) that he's not a puffy coat kind of guy.

It's amazing how one night, one conversation, one single look can change everything. In no time flat there's a brand new person with a stake on your heart. You're a goner.

And all of this joy and this new reason to worry and this unexpected, complicated, heart-breaking gift because we decided to let go of ourselves just a little.

*For the rest of the Letting Go series, click here.