Monday, October 3, 2011

31 Days: Letting Go of my Sanity

I have much to say about the unexpected joys and the sucker-punch aches of Letting Go, but also, there's this: Letting Go can sometimes make you feel like an alternate, scary version of yourself. It can make you feel like you've lost your grip just long enough that you might not find it again.

I'm not trying to be philosophical here. Or even Biblical.

What I'm saying is that I have reached the point in "moving" where I see no purpose in putting away the dishes that drip-dried two days ago on the counter. I barely notice the three piles of dirty laundry that I trip over every time I enter my bedroom. (I try to only enter when it's a necessity because it's KrAzY up in there.)

The snarky mail lady (postmistress?) taunted me when I mailed a package with my debit card. "Oh, where are your cash envelopes this time? You've already given up on that, haven't you?" Actually, postmistress, I am in the midst of the most chaotic week of my life and I haven't gone to the bank or the grocery store. My kids haven't been bathed in 3 days and I'm perfectly content in that knowledge, even though I had to ask my five-year-old to put deodorant on this afternoon. My oldest kid read aloud for zero minutes today. I can't find Ruby's reading list to save my life. I spilled half a box of baking soda in the hallway a handful of days ago and haven't even considered sweeping it up. I'm contemplating not brushing my teeth tonight. (It could happen.)

I'm askew.

I think I might be a hoarder.

I taped up a box larger than my own torso earlier today that contains only two things: Tea and nuts.

That right there will change a person. Possibly irreversibly.

*For the rest of the Letting Go series, click here.