Wednesday, October 26, 2011

31 Days: Letting Go of My Definition of Big

When we finally summoned our courage and decided to put our house on the market, I gave it one week, tops. The way I figured, God was just waiting on us to do our part, then he could continue on with His business. Once our act was together, it wouldn't take him long at all.

As we know, that didn't happen. Instead, I spent the next 14-odd months writing whiny, morose posts about how stinking hard it is to wait.

I was also secretly thinking that God had dropped the ball a little. How cool would it have been to make the big announcement that we were selling and then turn right around and scream "SOLD!" Everyone's heads were already spinning, why not make them spin in double-time?

God had an opportunity to show off and he blew it a little.

I am prone to believing that I would make a pretty great event-planner for God. I'd like to be His office manager. His Executive Assistant. The Deputy Assistant to the Chairman of the Universe. I have such good ideas, why doesn't He consult me more often?

I thought for sure (for a while) that the reason for our move would-be-should-be something big and crazy-scary. Maybe we'd wake up one morning half a world away. Maybe we'd go super far, or risky dark. We've all heard those stories. I wanted it to be me. I wanted to be stretched so thin that I was see-through in the middle. I wanted to see for myself what God could do in us, but it had to be Big stuff. BIG.

So, fast becomes slow and trans-continental turns into the town next door and when all is said and done, he's turned everything on its ear, including me. (It's uncomfortable here, on my ear.) God blows right through the big, braggy box I've put him in and says again that all of His work is big and that he doesn't need my coaching on how to show off, after all.

*For the rest of the Letting Go series, click here.