Wednesday, September 14, 2011

We're All Good - A Giveaway

*CMB

We fear exposure more than we long for freedom.
-Emily P. Freeman, Grace for the Good Girl


I remember sitting on the coffee table, the "hot seat". My new friends sat around me firing questions about my favorite food or my biggest pet peeve. And then he asked, "What's your biggest fear?" and I blurted it out, "Being wrong."

The way I remember it, everyone stopped talking, the game wasn't fun anymore, and maybe the world stopped turning for a beat or two. I wanted to reach out and grab those two stupid words and stuff them right back in. I had spent my life being right. Admitting that I was afraid of "being wrong" - was absolutely not right.

Over the years, I'd worked hard at constructing an image of myself that was simply almost never wrong. Of course I didn't want people to think that I put effort into being and doing right. How lame would that be? I wanted them to just believe it. "That Shannan, she's always right."

Good girls live obediently, but they do not know the mystery.
-Emily P. Freeman, Grace for the Good Girl

If I told you how many times since that night I have stewed over those words, you would shake your head and go on to bed. You wouldn't believe it and you wouldn't have time for it.

Why didn't I just say "falling backwards off a steep cliff?" I always get nervous when I'm driving up a big hill. I'm sure the roller coaster car will unhook itself and I'll plunge backwards to my untimely death. Why didn't I say snakes? Speeding tickets? Slow drains? Camper toilets?

It's funny how the truth takes new shape when it moves from your secret heart to the wide open air that you breathe. It becomes even bigger. It floats around and catches the light. It becomes a thing.

I had the privilege of reading Grace for the Good Girl: Letting Go of the Try-Hard Life earlier this summer, back when it was all top-secret and hush-hush. People - it killed me to not be able to talk about it. It's written like a sunny day. It's entertaining and personal and easy and so dang deep. I thought about it in the shower and I dreamed about it at night. I covertly shared bits with important people around me, and Cory got earfulls. Also, I took to sending my friend Emily, the author, random emails that looked something like Stream of Consciousness: Good Girl Edition.

Just a few pages in, Emily's words grabbed me by the shoulders and shook me, with this: "I taught people around me that I had no needs and then was secretly angry with them for believing me."

This, my friends, has been the story of my life.

Us Good Girls, we all have slightly different brands. I was never the girl who gifted everyone with my perpetual smile. I was not the one who offered to do my friends' homework. I was unkind sometimes. Selfish often. I didn't study and I overslept.

I was too independent and strong to be a Good Girl. Did you catch that? Too strong. Too independent. I was a closeted Good Girl. A Good Girl mired in denial. Because even though I didn't spend my time trying to be "nice" every second of the day, I still spent my time trying. Hard. It was all up to me. I would be the strongest and the smartest. The rightest. This wheel would never squeak.

On every page of this book, I saw a version of myself. Truth rang.

All he wants is simply you - minus your good works, minus your perfect attendance, minus your politeness. When you really believe that, you may discover that all you want is Jesus. Not just to get to heaven or to help you be a good person or do the right thing, but to simply love and be loved by him.
-Emily P. Freeman, Grace for the Good Girl

Because at the root of my goodness and my rightness and my strength was the belief that I alone, plain old Shannan, was not enough. I needed that platform I had built for myself. I needed those walls. I needed to be a little brighter, a whole lot shinier.

I was missing out on the Biggest Love because I was so afraid of being vulnerable. Afraid of just being.

God has chipped some of this away over the years, but holding Grace for the Good Girl in my hands helped me to see more of the freedom that waits at the edges. This book was a game-changer.

My name is Shannan, and I'm a Good Girl.

Your brand might be different than mine, but I have a hunch they share a zip-code. Revell has offered a free copy to three of you. To enter, leave a comment below (one comment per person, please.) Tell us one of your Good Girl tendencies or just smile and say hello. Either way.

Whether you win a copy or buy one here or here, get the book and let's step out into the sun together.


grace for the good girl by emily p. freeman

*Available now at your favorite bookseller from Revell, a division of Baker Publishing Group.

* Giveaway ends Friday, September 16th at noon. Winners will be randomly selected and announced sometime this weekend. Be sure your comment links back to your blog or includes an email address!

193 comments:

  1. I'm Lori and I'm a Good Girl. I am a first child, rule-following, bossy sister. As I approach the big 5-0, I have learned to show the imperfection...some. I look forward to reading Emily's book at some point!

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  2. I could use a good read that doesn't have to do with the environment or decorating!
    xo
    CS

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  3. I always try to make everyone happy and often forget what makes me happy.

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  4. I want to be approved by others more than I want God's approval. Depressing, hey?

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  5. I've been biting my lip since May too! We should have been talking to each other! Poor Emily has a an email box full of our words!

    This is true for me too. Every word. I'm reading it for a second time, and still being dismantled.


    P.S. I love coming here. And, I just saw that you are from Indiana, which must be why. I was born and raised there! So it feels a bit like home here in this sweet bloggy home.

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  6. This book intrigues me. I am very anxious to read it. Also, thank you for your blog. LOVE it!

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  7. Yikes. I am a little better since I have gotten married, but I still hate telling people no when they ask me to d something. Oh, I will say no, but I feel guilty and second guess myself.

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  8. God is so gracious, willing to reveal even to the good girls among us just how desperately we need Him. I've been looking forward to this book, thinking it will resonate with many. I also think it's important for us as parents to take a look at how we are raising our children--are we teaching them to be good, or showing them their need for Jesus?

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  9. I have my book and am ready it slowly because it holds so many truths of my life and, as you say, it is deep. I would love to gift the book to my sister or a friend I know who would benefit from it.

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  10. I read it when it was hush-hush too! And I was absolutely dying to shout it from the rooftops and give it to my good girl friends. I've already given it away 3 times.

    Although I wasn't a good girl, you're right, I lived in the same zip-code. It's good to be free. And because I am forgetful, Emily's book was just the reminder I needed.

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  11. I have a feeling that this book may be what I need to hear. Would love to read it!

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  12. I would love to read this book!! I always grew up being "the good girl" which came with its own set of expectations about how I should do things...expectations from others, but mostly expectations from myself...

    freedom from those expectations sounds like a beautiful, wonderful thing;)

    thanks for sharing your heart:)

    -Adriane @ fruitfulhomejournal.blogspot.com

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  13. The premise of this book is so intriguing! I'd love to read it. Thanks for the chance to win!

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  14. I read an excerpt from this book online a few nights ago. Can I tell you I immediately got all choked up, tears started falling and for a split second I wanted to stop reading. I knew though that this book was going to be for me. I sent an email to 5 gals that I knew would feel something reading it, just as I did.

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  15. Im the person everyone around me needs me to be but not sure who I am!

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  16. Since I have already ordered my copy, I can win one for Latasha!

    xxoo

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  17. Hi, I'm Kate. I'm a good girl. I'm the oldest of four children, a perfectionist, a rule-following, a girl who can never stop trying. Tears are filling my eyes just reading this post. I've seen giveaways for this book all over the blog world. Looks like God might be telling me something, huh. Like maybe I just need to read the book. Like now.

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  18. I agree with Sally, sounds intriguing and something I have never considered about myself. I have always been "The Good Girl", and have prided myself on not needing...how much have I missed because of that? Hmmm...

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  19. The "minus the perfect attendance" caught me. Do you know how many times I drug myself to class or work sick because I simply couldn't miss? (Like the world would stop turning if I didn't show up!) Oh I'm afraid this one's going to hurt, in all the good ways. Praise God for redemptive grace that keeps on working!

    Erin ~ brother9@msu.edu

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  20. i am so excited to get my hands on this! can't wait to read it.

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  21. Is being a do-gooder the same as being a good girl? Perhaps this book can help me answer that.

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  22. Here, let me help you: just pick me. Can you like me enough to pick me? ;)

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  23. I think I may have found my kindred spirit <3 I'd love a copy...buying if not winning :)

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  24. I have always desperately wanted to be liked. I can't handle people not liking me. It makes me question my value and it's very sad that my self-worth seems to sometimes rest on something so completely flimsy.

    I have fought long and hard to stop caring about something so unimportant but I still revert back to acting, saying, doing what others want to hear and see. I am easily manipulated.

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  25. This book sounds great...haven't bought it yet because of the other ten on my nightstand waiting to be read. ;)

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  26. Hi. I'm a 'Good Girl' and my name is Sarah. If being honest with myself, I know that there is nothing good inside me apart from Christ. My internal dialogue about my (precious) littles would reveal it in a hot second...yet I try and try and try to prove my 'goodness'. Heaven help me!
    karahn7@gmail.com

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  27. Maybe we need to start a GGA .. you know, Good Girls Anonymous support group. What do ya'll think? I am a good girl too. Trying to make sure people see what I want them to and not what is or what they may acutally benefit from seeing. Read your post the other day about your favorite reads and already purchased some for my Kindle. Reading "Give Them Grace" right now and WOW! (This is Mara from Ludlow Falls camp by the way .. Hope this posts because I really have no clue what I'm doing;)

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  28. Oh my good girl tendencies seem very similar to yours. My big one right now is following "the rules" and being frustrated, even angry, when "non-rule-follwers" are blessed.

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  29. Um, yeah. I think I need this book. If I don't win it, I'll buy it. I was pretty sure from the first quote, but your comments secured the certainty. I also hope to be able to help my girl know this stuff right off the bat.

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  30. I honestly don't know if I'm what you'd call a good girl (perhaps you can tell me?) but I think you hit upon a truth in my life with the words, "I still spent my time trying." And I live with the guilt of the perceived epic fail in my daily life every day. Recently I had my own epiphany of sorts regarding this, by way of the music lyric (surprise surprise). I was lamenting, sad, and angry over something as dumb as a dreamy rug I found not fitting in the bedroom, all my emotions were wound so tight, and the line, "I don't have what it takes to please you" came into my mind, and I stood there and realized that the person I can't ever please is myself. So, I don't know that I'm a good girl, but I think I've always been dying inside a little to be one.

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  31. Smile and "Hello", I often try and schedule/orchestrate things so that they go perfectly, and then I can have what I want. Striving sucks.

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  32. I taught people that I had no needs and then was secretly mad when they believed me..struck me to the core! Wow! I would love to own this book!

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  33. I have alwys been a good girl, but probably not int he sense that I should be. I always did the right thing. I always took care of things myself. It was like a shield I wore. I never wanted anyone to know that I did fail. Sunds like a great book to read.

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  34. I am also a good girl, rule follower, people pleaser, first born, bossy sister....etc. While I feel like a more transparent and authentic version of myself now that I'm in my 30's (because of His grace) - I realize a lot of these good girl tendencies are playing themselves out in how I'm raising/relating to my kids. As PK's....I feel like my good girl parenting style (eek) hits full force every Sunday! Ugly stuff!

    Looking forward to reading this book!

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  35. Confessions of the Queen of Good Girls:

    Ever since I can remember, I've struggled with the lie that I need to earn God's love and approval. And I've built up some fairly impenetrable walls of my own in the process. It's taking years and years to take those walls down brick by brick.

    So excited to read this book!!!

    Jody
    www.lamppostflickering.blogspot.com

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  36. Spontaneity is obsolete in my life. I love that characteristic in others but I need, or is it want?, to orchestrate every little detail in my life. It is exhausting.

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  37. Sounds like a book I need to read. Thanks for your review!

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  38. I am recovering from good-girlyness, now sporting a bit of an edge. :) I would love to read and share this book with all of the good girls in my life!

    Melissa
    bluemorninglife.blogspot.com

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  39. I've always believed I'm forgiven for the past. It's the present and future "not good enough-ness" that bothers me. But His Grace really is more than enough.

    That last quote about simply loving, Lord help me. I lost my breath. I can't wait to read this book. Or your book, either.

    p.s. it's my birthday. no pressure. ;)

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  40. You are singing my song. I think we might be in neighboring zip codes for sure. I am so glad this book is good - I so wanted it to be, but was afraid to hope! Sign me up!

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  41. I am the good girl that wants everyone around me to think I have it all together when inside I fell like I am in 1000 pieces.

    Totally getting this book... Thanks for the insight!

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  42. This sounds like a wonderful book. I believe I will have the library get it too...but I'd love to win my copy. Cause that's just fun.

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  43. Camper toilets!!! Also one of my greatest fears, along with "tub hair".

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  44. This sounds like a must-read! Great giveaway!

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  45. My name is Talia and I am a Good Girl. I would love to throw my hat in the ring for a chance at this book - thank you!! :)

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  46. Being wrong, and looking stupid are neck and neck for me. Thankfully, the former rarely, if ever, happens, and I'm learning to embrace the latter. :) I used to play the 'I have it all together' game on a regular basis, but it finally wore me out. Especially when I finally figured out that nobody else has it all together either.
    Good stuff, Farmgirl. I hope I win....because I think I forgot to mention that I'm not a big fan of losing, either.

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  47. oooh, add me to the list. I can't wait to read it!

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  48. We so need to be reminded. We also need time to reflect. I would love to read this book esp. after your review.

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  49. I am entering as just a girl.

    I never felt "good" and for most of my 20's I felt mostly bad. Like I wasn't enough, etc...many of the things you say about yourself above.

    However, I had a serious boyfriend who consistently told me how "difficult" I was. "Why do you always have to be SO difficult and contrary?"

    I'm honestly glad he thought that about me, although at the time (around 25) I found it painful.

    If having a strong opinion, a backbone and a voice makes me difficult, bring it!

    Which leads me to one of my fave quotes ever:

    “Well-behaved women rarely make history”

    Have a great day, girl!

    xxoo~

    TT

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  50. I know Jesus loves me and I love Him but it's the "so" that always gets me.....
    Jesus loves me so I should......
    go to church this morning, read my bible more, not get angry with my husband, make the right choice, smile and wave when the crazy driver cuts me off....
    And then when I don't do these things-BAM! Guess I don't love Him enough, guess He's disappointed in me, guess I will have to work harder to be good enough-GAH! I am so ready to not be in that cycle!!!!!!! :)

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  51. Yes, I can relate to pieces of this, too. I've heard of this book--sounds like one I should read.

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  52. Being wrong ~ I learned how to apologize from the hubs. He was good at it!;) I rarely apologized, because I rarely did anything wrong (so I thought). Then I learned maybe I do do a few things wrong that I should apologize for.;) And it felt pretty good. After a while..... And working along side one another in our business has furthered that one a whole lot. Still hard to be wrong :)

    Pleaser? Hmmm? I used to be. The biz helped with that too! Being 'the boss' & telling people what to do tends to break one of that real quick! :) While I don't go around trying to make people happy all day long....my BIG thing is I don't like to see anyone sad (that comes from loosing a father at a young age I think)! Hope that made sense (I ask myself 'cause perhaps I am still a bit of a pleaser???). I do believe you've given me something to ponder! :)

    Thanks for ALL the great reads that I know I now NEED!

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  53. i have a feeling this book would rock my perfect little good girl world - in a good way!!

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  54. I know I'm a good girl when I'm trying to navigate relationships with certain family members...jumping through hoops to try to make things right and perfect so that everyone will be happy and think I'm swell-a very frustrating and never-ending cycle!

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  55. mmkay so I have this one by my nightstand, and I'm EATING it up. So I wasn't the good girl either, because I know good people can be used and misused, so I went for power. POWER! I wanted to be POWERFUL....and so you have to be popular, and that, my friend, is a ton of work.
    I love this book. I don't need to win it, but i love love love this book. EVERYONE needs to read this.

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  56. Lovely post.

    dugan_ritz@hotmail.com

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  57. I heard a preacher say once that deep down, we hate grace. I'm thinking, "what? you're crazy. What would we do without God's Grace?" but he went on to say we hate it 'cuz we don't deserve it. We can't DO anything to make us worth it. We just have to accept it and know that nothing WE have done has made Him give it to us. it's like we say we love God's grace, but we act in ways that actually show we resent it. We are still trying to earn it. Interesting eh?

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  58. This comment has been removed by the author.

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  59. If I don't win it.... I'm going to buy it some day. However, I would love a good 'win.' I fight the good girl stereotype, but feel guilty for it.

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  60. Yeah, I'm a Good Girl too. I struggle with perfectionism, entitlement, and wanting everything to look okay. I get angry when things don't. I need to read this book.

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  61. Well, I was always a good girl, too. But then my world was rocked about 4 years ago. I'm so grateful for the Lord teaching me and breaking me out of my mold.

    The quote from Emily that you wrote above, [I taught people around me that I had no needs and then was secretly angry with them for believing me] << that is me. :)

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  62. The quote you highlighted about “teaching others I didn’t have needs” totally rocked my world. For me it is the best of times/ worst of times reading this book. It hits me right to the core of my being. I know I will come out on the other side better for it. But it’s hard to stop hiding.

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  63. Even though I realize that I am secretly angry when people believe that I don't have needs, I am still unable to keep myself from perpetuating the lie. It's as though I would be relinquishing my security, my stability, my identity as a woman of strength. Being vulnerable hasn't always been safe - I grew up broken - and now that I have a safe place to let go, I don't know how.

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  64. WOW!!!! Did this post hit me right between the eyes and then straight on to my heart! With tears I write this. I’m still trying to be good, to be worth it, to earn His love and salvation because I don’t know how to be different! I don’t know how to be any other way. I have been on a journey, these past 5 years, of some sort of awakening, of realizing anew that it is ALL GOD and nothing of me! That He loves me…period!! That is so refreshing and comforting. “Good girls” struggle too. Deeply, and often in silence because we can’t let anyone know the deep struggle within to be good, imperfect, in need of a Savior! With His help, we all will be victorious and embrace His grace so abundant to all who seek Him! THANK YOU, Shannan...again!!

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  65. Not sure what I am, but interested in the book, nonetheless. Thanks for the chance.

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  66. Wow, I need to read this book! I share your fear of being wrong. I also want everyone to see that I have got it together. I am CONSTANTLY frustrated with people for not intuitively knowing and meeting my needs...but I won't let anyone see what they are! agh.
    katiepennington1@gmail.com

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  67. thank you for your honesty. this sounds like a book i need to read!! thanks for the chance to win a copy.

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  68. I love how the cover illustrates the truth of being set free!

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  69. Oh my goodness! I am completely blushing..you see, I blush when I've been found out. When something I've been trying to hide is brought out into the light. Emily's words, "I taught people around me that I had no needs and then was secretly angry at them for believing me". I can completely relate. That's me! The thing is, I didn't have an explanation for the feeling of frustration I carry with me until I read those words. It was an "Aha!" moment if I've ever had one. Thank you for sharing this gem of a book with us. I will be reading it ASAP!

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  70. Sounds like a great read and life changer! Thanks for the plug!

    joelnkelly at hotmail dot com

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  71. wow, would love to read it. I'm always impressed when I meet someone who doesn't fall into this category (or maybe they secretly do). I'm a be nice one, can't be mean to anyone which includes never saying no, I'm working on it...it's hard.

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  72. I would love to read this book!

    Abbie Miller

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  73. Wow, you are speaking to me! I'd love to read this book.

    kimschiveliergayton@gmail.com

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  74. Ah, the Good Girl. I was the girl who was born a middle child, stayed out of the way, didn't need anyone to help me, after all, my parent's were busy with their older daughter and baby son. I was the one who did everything I could in school, in hopes of at least gaining some attention for doing it all. To be seen and not heard, the motto of my life.

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  75. Wow. Just that one line about being angry that no one acknowledges the needs that you have tried so hard to hide is powerful!

    Dessy

    dessmarie{@}hotmail{.}com

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  76. What amazing clarity in just a few word..can't wait to read and share in a bible study

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  77. Well I don't feel like a good girl but I do think I have a fear of being "exposed". I'd love to read this book!

    xo ellie

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  78. I'm not the good girl. My sister was. :) I've always wanted to be viewed as a good girl. Who doesn't want to look like they have it all together; always doing right? Can't wait to read this book! xo

    p.s. Take a look at your calendar!! Surely we can get together before the year is over. :)

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  79. i must say, when i first saw this book i dismissed it. i thought it was for good girls. literally. and i would need a book titled "grace for the strong-willed rebellious girl, who learns every lesson the hard way".
    seeing your review though, reflecting on what my good girl tendency may be, i want to read it.
    i guess my good girl thing might be independence. i sure do like my own way. and i sometimes even think i can honor god best by doing his will my own way. you know? like doing what pleases jesus for my own sake. i am probably not making much sense here. i do know, i've been redeemed twelve years now, and i still often feel like i'm in the fight for my life. he rescued me from a bitter, destructive hard heart. so thankful for christ and his grace and patience.

    love you.

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  80. I am Angie and I am a good girl, too. Thank God that He sees through my facade and offers me grace every day.

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  81. I've always tried to be a Good Girl. I'm excited to read this book - it sounds amazing! You always recommend the best things. :)

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  82. I'm Beth, and I am a good girl. I am the oldest daughter and a major rule follower. I am so excited to read this book, one way or another. You and I also lead parallel lives, but that is another story!

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  83. I think you may have been inside my head this weekend. I was thinking these same things after being challenged and stretched at a women's retreat. Sounds like this book is something I need to read.

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  84. It's so great to see women within Christianity writing from a place of honesty and vulnerability about our broken places and our lifelong attempts to cover them up with frenetic striving, doing good everywhere we go, having the right answers, and OH TOO TOO much self-flagellation, introspection, and masochism. From reading your review and the comments of others, I'm guessing that this is what this author is has done although I have yet to read her book. I know from experience that it sometimes takes a traumatic event to help us to strip away the many masks of perfection that we wear (even though we think that we've surrendered all to God and are fulfilling his call with our many good deeds) and to, in simplicity and nakedness, allow ourselves to be loved and accepted just as we are without having to work to earn things. I'm looking forward to reading this book and joining future conversations about it.

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  85. wow ...

    i read what you, shannan, wrote today and also all the comments above mine and i can see bits of myself in every single word.

    ...

    i am feeling overwhelmed right now for what's been put in front of my eyes and into my heart. thank you, God, for that and for the grace and mercy in which you wrap me. and thanks to the rest of you for your openness; your confessions and insights help me with my own.

    thanks to shannan and revell/baker publishing group for the great give-away opportunities! and thanks to emily freeman for writing what sounds like a life-changing book. one way or another, i will definitely read this book!

    kathy (anonymous because i don't have a blog)

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  86. My good girl tendencies are never asking for help and always saying I'm fine - even when I'm not.

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  87. Uh Oh, I am a Good Girl....I think this book might strike a chord with me...

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  88. "I taught people around me I had no needs, and then was secretly angry with them for believing me"-HELLO!! When did you move into my heart and home? :) I have been struggling with this FOREVER! While I hope to be one of the lucky 3, I will most certainly buy this if not- thank you for sharing!

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  89. OOPS- forgot the email address...summerwindsquilts@hotmail.com

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  90. I love this book (though I haven't read it). I love the author (though I haven't met her). I'm a recovering good girl who was given God's gift of grace when I least expected it, and I can't wait to read this book.

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  91. I'm an adult child of an alcoholic. (My dad...doesn't drink, anymore.) I learned early on how to fake it and act like everything was o.k. "Fine," as I put it. The line from the book reminds me of something I would say. I had a broken ankle for 4 months in '97. Tough times, no one helped me. After the fact a friend said "you didn't seem like you needed any help." I decided God had to put me on my back to get my attention and it was then that I decided to go back to school and get my degree. (I graduated in '07.) I've always said He has to hit me up side of the head to get my attention. I am an obstinate child.
    sigh.
    xo, Cheryl

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  92. I would love to win this book. I have always been told I was a good girl who lived a sheltered life
    cabiggs4.blogspot.com
    cabiggs4@comcast.net

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  93. I am addicted to people-pleasing. I take sincere compliments too lightly and I obsess over any kind of criticism. I lose sight of boundaries because I can't say NO!

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  94. Sounds like a good book for me.

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  95. I am a good girl and I have been a bad girl, I am currently just trying to be what HE made me to be! Sounds like a lovely book and thank you for the giveaway. “Every saint has a past and every sinner has a future.”~Oscar Wilde

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  96. This girl here is 'good' on the outside and 'rebel' inside. And the rebel sneaks out and it just gets uglier from there . . .

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  97. This is on my reading list! I can't wait to read it when I get my hands on a copy. So glad to read this snippets of Emily's words. What is with women and the word FINE? And then we implode or explode....and the wreckage isn't pretty. Thanks for the chance at this giveaway Shannan!

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  98. Let's see...I am a middle child with 2 sisters that always brought drama home. So I was the "perfect" one who never made ripples. I am 35 and still fear disappointing my parents. I just pray that they NEVER discover my high school spring break tattoo. "Perfect" no more!!


    jandsgaff@hotmail.com

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  99. I didn't realize I was a "good girl" until I read this post. Gosh. I SO am! This book would be wonderful.

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  100. This post made me cry as this last few weeks I've seen my selfishness and self-centeredness and just plain meaness so clearly and it is miserable. I too am a strong girl. The one blessed with wisdom and discernment who is foolishly shocked when I can't figure out God and whet he is doing in the real world as easily as I can decipher and predict a plot. I am the poster child for wasted potential: the beautiful girl who unfortunately put on stubborn pounds, the honor student living with mom and dad at 35 with only small inklings of what to be when she grows up and the one that children love who has no idea when her arms will be full of on of her own. I have spent so long trying to do it right and to follow God only to find that the results are not what I expect or sometimes what I hope. Yet still I try to be strong, and wise rather than let Him do all of that. So whether I am a reformed Good Girl or still in denial, I'm not sure.

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  101. I've been healing from my good girl ways in many areas, but that part about training people to think I have no needs and then getting angry when they believe it... well, that just cut me clean through.

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  102. Wow.

    I read every comment above mine and they really hit home.

    Good girl here too. The middle one who like many of you, never let on that I had needs. Afraid to rock the boat. The great pretender. Still deeply afraid to show anger, because it would make me look less than.

    :/


    Sounds like a amazing book!

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  103. Oh my...I have fallen into the syndrome of "good girl" and it may be time to take a "good" look in the mirror of reflection that this book would cast.

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  104. First of all, take me out of the running for the book because I have it already. Second, I've a mind to pull my review from the blogosphere and just send my readers here. If I ever write a book, promise to review it for me? Love what you said about not always being nice and oversleeping. Me too. : )

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  105. Because at the root of my goodness and my rightness and my strength is the belief that I alone, plain old {Terrilynn}, is not enough. I need that platform I have built for myself. I need those walls. I need to be a little brighter, a whole lot shinier.

    Right in the midst of your words, I saw myself - only without the past tense.

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  106. I followed the link from Emily's facebook page and arrived here. It's my first time visiting your blog (HI!), but I already know that I love it! I'm a good girl, too. I can't wait to read this book--I've got a day all to myself tomorrow..hair appt, nail appt and I'm going to the bookstore to pick this up! If I win, I'll gift it to another good girl in our zip code. ;)

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  107. So relate to the pretending I have no needs and inwardly angry thing. Mine is more like, "I never express the needs I have or ask for anything, so if I casually mention something I'd like or might need a tiny bit of help with, I'm really frustrated that you don't realize how much I must really need help to get up the guts to kind-of ask, and am hurt that you don't jump at the chance to meet that my one expressed need of the year."

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  108. The stripped down, vulnerable version of me, the one that gives up control of her own perfect world. That is the one He covets the most, but yet is the hardest to give...

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  109. Your story/the words of Grace for the Good Girl is so similar to mine, I feel like you/Emily are sharing my heart with the world. Oh so powerful!

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  110. Crazy how similar we are. I wasn't a good girl until I entered the wife/teacher/mother world. My husband used to say, "All you have to do is ask for help." It's hard trying to being "good" all the time, to not be the child who doesn't need any help because you know the other 2 always do, to be the teacher who is always on top of things, to be the wife/mother who keeps a clean house, doesn't forget things. I've learned in the last year or two that it's ok to screw up, forget something, to not always wash the dishes or pick up toys at the end of the day. Doesn't mean it doesn't drive me crazy sometimes, but I'm trying!

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  111. It is comforting to know there are a lot of us out there!

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  112. The quote that you said grabbed me just a few pages in struck me deep, deep down. My husband recently commented to me: "You go and go and won't stop when I try to stop you. Then later you get mad at me for not stopping you. I can't protect you from yourself." So true. I recently had my third child and God has sweetly been whispering to me about the freedom that He has waiting for me. Whether I win the book here or not, I will be reading it for sure! Love your blog - a great encouragement to me!

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  113. Anger. I struggle with my horrid temper. That smile I plaster on my face in public feels like a disgrace sometimes. I try to be patient, and lord knows I've come a long way with three kids and a husband. But I know the God is still working on me. Can't wait to read the book, I'm gonna buy it either way:)

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  114. Oh wow. Ask for help? But why? Then people will realize I am not supermom, and that is what I have been trying to convince myself and everyone around me for years. Can't wait to read the book :) noe3973@yahoo.com

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  115. I find myself thinking about each thing I do during the day and then thinking things like...no wonder my baby woke up after five minutes, I cut corners while cleaning the kitchen. Or, God probably let the car stop working because of how impatient I was with Adalia today.

    Maybe I am not a 'good girl' in the way you were talking, but i most certainly a 'striver'. Resting in God's gift of salvation and resting in God's plan are two things that I MUST work on.

    Thanks for this entry...sure got me thinking :)

    amothersmosey.blogspot.com
    hannah.e.lizabeth@live.com

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  116. I'm here via Emily's link on Facebook. I'm a first time visitor :) Oooh, how I'd love to dive into her book. It sounds amazing!

    http://www.sylviahall.posterous.com
    sylviahallmail@gmail.com

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  117. 3 friends/blogs have brought up this book and I think it's time I read it. And boy do I struggle with being a people please. What an encouragement that I'm not alone and that there is grace.

    amberlfussell@gmail.com

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  118. I don't even know where to begin...you name it, I probably struggle with it. Looking forward to readying this book, whether I win it here or have to buy it myself. Thanks for the recommendation!

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  119. I too am a good girl...oldest child...do they go together? I'm thinking YES! I Would love a chance to win.
    Thanks for the opportunity Shannon. :)

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  120. Although I'm not exactly sure of Emily's definition of a "good girl," I'm pretty sure I fit the bill. It gets even worse when I get into "preacher wife" mode. Recently, God has taken my ability to be a "good girl" away through the loss of my job, which was completely out of my control. I would love to hear Emily's take on this. Thanks for the opportunity! sbhulett at gmail dot com.

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  121. I have been waiting for this one for so long. I think I have probably taken up residence in all of the Good Girl zip codes at some time or another.

    One of my stupidest Good Girl habits is the unfailing urge to please authority figures. Doctors are the worst. I will smile and nod and do whatever they say. Third try on the epideral ... oh, thats alright. Started the incision before my anesthesia took effect? No worries. 8 months pregnant and 8 weeks of penumonia? Yeah you're probably right I should go back to work right now! I won't even go see them when something is wrong for fear of not being worthy of their time.

    I have been struggling with not letting these thoughts apply to my kids ... I find myself resisting calling the doctor, I have not yet taken them to a dentist ... but I know, they have to be where I draw the line. They are worthy of someone's time and so am I. My feelings do matter and I have to learn to say so. :)

    Yep, guess you could say I need this book.

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  122. I really don't know what to say, as your words (and Emily's) left me speechless... But I know this, I've GOT to read this book. I think your post could have been written by me...
    Thanks for the chance

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  123. This book sounds intriguing. I would love to read it!

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  124. I set high expectations for myself, am a constant worry-wart, and I work myself to the ground. With being in school full time and working full time I really could use this book!! Pick me! Thanks! Shanny

    www.shannyruns.com

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  125. I so need to read this book. Thanks for the opportunity.

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  126. I have been expecting perfection for my kids, my husband and myself. Never gonna happen and I need to release it. Thank you for your blog. I just love it!

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  127. Oh, I can hardly wait to read Emily's book! That whole simply be-ing thing. After 12+ years of chronic illness and so much doing stuff stripped away, I thought I had a bit of a grasp on Grace. But, the older I get, the less I know and the more I realize I have to discover...of simply being with Him and letting me love.

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  128. I started Emily's book this week and every other paragraph has me murmuring "this is SO me" and sometimes I didn't even know it.

    A game changer, indeed.

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  129. Unpacking the first quote "we fear exposure more than we long for freedom"...I am feeling an "ouch moment" coming!

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  130. This sounds WONDERFUL! Thanks for the chance to win :)

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  131. Oh heavens - I'm not crazy, I'm a Good Girl! What a relief to have a name for it. I can't wait to read this!!

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  132. I look forward to reading Emily's book at some point!

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  133. I would love to win this... I suppose my tendency is to be wrapped up in TRYING to be a good girl when really - I need to just focus on loving Jesus and ensuring I 'talk' to him daily!

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  134. I've heard so much about this book... I think I would find much encouragement from Emily's words...

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  135. This sounds so good. A very timely read, indeed....
    Jodi at themillertroop@gmail.com

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  136. I am so ready to read that book! Rosa
    Emt136@myway.com

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  137. Looks like a great book!!!
    batesterri@gmail.com

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  138. Good girls are seen and not heard. I've tried so hard to be that good girl and always felt like a ragamuffin. Thanks for writing this book, ma'am! vjsaxe@yahoo.com

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  139. sounds like i could use this...i live in that crux of wanting to appear all together and yet able to actually have a good time every now and then. Most times, I end up stagnant, lacking real life and observing others live a life that appears so effortless. i know i was meant for more.

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  140. i am a "good girl," first born of 3 sisters, people pleaser and definitely need to read this book!

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  141. Sounds like an amazing book. I am a good girl, too, first born. Seems like there are a whole lot of us here. Thanks for the giveaway.
    http://homesweetquiltinghome.blogspot.com

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  142. I am so excited to read this book and would love to win the giveaway.

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  143. I've been waiting for months to read this book. I am so excited it is finally here!

    I love the way she writes and now after reading your beautiful post today, I look forward to reading more of what you write, too.

    Charlotte
    glimpsesofglory@yahoo.com

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  144. My minister just preached an awesome sermon on this topic on Sunday! I always struggled with being a Good Girl, and the teen years were rocky ones. I want to just be, and not worry what my worldly counterparts think of me, only what HE thinks.

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  145. Perfectionist--yes! That's a trait I would admit that I have. I've always said I can't help it and blame it on being a first born or a Virgo. From reading little pieces from Emily's blog-I am realizing that I can help it. It doesn't have to be this way for the rest of my life. When I learn to let that word fly away from me, I bet relief is what I will feel.

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  146. I can't stand anyone being upset with me. It feels like my skin is crawling and I want to drop everything in my life to make it right with them, even though maybe it's their problem and not mine, and even though I do my very best every single day and God is pleased with me. This is deep, raw, freeing and life changing stuff. Truly.

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  147. I have a list of things that I believe make me a good mom/wife/Christian, and I beat myself up often for not meeting them. God is helping me work through it, but I have a long way to go.

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  148. This sounds like something I need to read.
    lisa_pt2003 at yahoo dot com

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  149. Can't wait to read this book! Thanks :)

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  150. Ummm, yeah, definitely thinking I need this book. Thanks for the opportunity.

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  151. uh oh. I think I might need to read this. . . .
    Kariyergin@sbcglobal.net

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  152. I have heard wonderful things about this book on other blogs, and I would love to have the opportunity to read it.
    cranberryteatime(at)hotmail(dot)com.

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  153. ***raises hand and creeps away***

    (as good girls tend to do yaknow...)

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  154. I am a recovering good girl and this book would be a great way to speed that recovery. I LOVED this post!

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  155. I have often referred to myself as a good girl in recovery. About 8 years ago, my life fell apart at the seams and I realized that I was not only devastated by the life crash but also that my faith doctrine had been built on being a good girl so that God wouldn't allow anything to hurt me. Since then my faith was dismantled and placed where it needed to be, squarely on the shoulders of Jesus and not my good girl status. Yet breaking a habit takes time...I look forward to reading this book.

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  156. I am guilty of feeling like I always have to be nice & polite. When I catch myself not being as nice as I think I should I beat myself up. I'm known as the Good (nice) Girl among my friends. Its a burden I want to overcome.

    Mary

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  157. This sounds like a wonderful book! Loved your post!

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  158. Oh yes please! I need this. I act like I'm always fine and dandy but then get mad when people "believe it" and feel neglected in the mix-up.

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  159. I'm a good girl too. One that can never manage to be or feel good enough. And oh, how your post about this spoke to me. I'd love to win a copy, and if I don't, I'll definitely have to buy one. Thanks for hosting!

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  160. Hi Shannan, I just have to tell you that I love love love your blog. You are a wonderful writer of words. You inspire me, make me want to do better. My kids are grown but I have 2 grandsons. Life is really a blessing everyday. But yes I feel like I just don't measure up. And I'm always so busy trying to make everyone happy that I get myself in hot water. Spread thin!! I tell you I need all the help I can get on this journey. XOXO Angie Van

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  161. That last quote from Emily's book really spoke to me. Recently when I was feeling particularly loathesome toward myself, I remembered that God might just view me as I view my two babies, so lovable and good just as they are. I have been trying to pull this out every time I feel myself fill with shame and fear.

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  162. mmm... i think we may share more than a zip code. i am the girl that you can't hurt thank you very much because i am just fine and will leave you long before you leave me. i never thought of myself as much of a 'good' girl. .. just a very, very strong and independent girl. maybe good at being strong? :) He taught me a stone's throw back that there is nothing so strong as brokenness. :)

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  163. Sounds like a great book - I'd love to read it!

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  164. This book sounds intriguing. I'm a pastor's wife and can relate to the quotes you shared. It would be so nice to win a copy and then share it with the other women in my life!!!

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  165. I totally identify with the "striving" that I hear in this post. That is me, through and through. I'd love to win a copy of the book.

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  166. I could use a book full of sunshine right about now, this books sounds great! I am looking forward to having my eyes and heart opened a little more! My good-girl tendency, I am a people pleaser. I am all about smoothing down the potentially ruffled feathers and doing just about anything to put someone else at ease! I like when those around me are happy and content, to a fault...
    Can't wait to read the book!

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  167. Sounds like the story of my life! This book sounds great!

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  168. I'm a good girl and those brief phrases hit hard! Can't wait to read the book!

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  169. Can't wait to read it - free or paid, it'll be wonderful, it sounds like!

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  170. Shannon, I so enjoy your blog! Each post is "so real" and not contrived. You are "just one more person" making her way through life. Thanks for sharing....

    One way or the other...I will check this book out. :)

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  171. I can do it all! At least that is what I wear myself out striving for. God's grace is saving me from me! But I have a long way to go.

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  172. Being everything to everyone! I totally need to give that over to God.

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  173. Smile, hello! I would love to win this book.

    Erin erinb1 at aol dot com

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  174. Dear Farmgirl who writes on topics that hit my heart, please enter me in this giveaway. I'm always running around trying to be in good favor. So much so, I become to tired to sleep. This leads to couch sleeping. Couch sleeping leads to mind wandering, "I should of, I shouldn't. The next day leads to trying harder. Is there really others out there like me?
    ~G~xo

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  175. Smile, hello! I can't wait to read this book.

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  176. I'm very excited to read this book, even if I have to buy my copy. :)

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  177. Oooooooo!!!! I have been lusting over this book!...wait!...do Good Girls lust?!?!?! Never mind...I've REALLY been wanting this book!

    Thanks!
    Erin
    orangezebra76@aol.com

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  178. I stumbled upon this post for a reason. Whether I win or not I will be reading this book. It is SO me. And I'm tired of trying so hard and missing Jesus. I keep putting up walls when really, deep down, I just want to be able to relax and walk beside my Savior, hand in hand like I used to do. Instead I try to be everything to everyone and fall short at it all. Bless you in your journey. Thank you for your honesty and for sharing Emily's God touched wisdom.

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  179. I can't wait to read this book. Winning it would be an added bonus :)

    jaimeelmarks@gmail.com

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  180. Wow what a comment, the one about being secretly angry. I can relate to that. I need to get this book too. I also was the oldest of alcoholic parents and not only strong, good and had no needs, I took care of everyone else. I used up all my mothering urges taking care of younger sibling and never saw marriage as anything to want. Now Im older, wiser and its too late for husbands and kids. Guess I have to do better next time around.

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  181. Oh goodness, I would really love to win a copy.

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  182. I have LOTS of struggles. There, I've admitted it. I do remember the day when I suddenly realized that all of the Christian women I knew were also very normal, and made mistakes too. I still struggle with the 'I'm not as good of a person as _________', but I try to remember that we are all working hard to live our life for Christ, and other people may not struggle with some of the things I struggle with- but we all have struggles. Not an excuse, but reality.

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  183. Beautiful and personal review.

    Fondly,
    Glenda

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  184. "You talking to me? You talking to me? No one else around, so you must be talking to me." - Alvin, the chipmunk.

    Yes, I relate. I'm in my 40's and have been that strong independent single, don't worry about me woman for a long time. 5 years ago I adopted a darling little girl and maintained that feeling. But today, I"m feeling very defeated as I juggle that "don't worry about me" feeling with "I'm struggling here....I need you Jesus, I can't be mom, friend, homeowner, FT employee, etc. without you."

    Tracy

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  185. Wow this post was like a punch in the gut. It's me. That's my biggest fear too 'being wrong'. In fact, I'm so afraid of being wrong that I would have tried to figure out what the best answer would be when asked what's your biggest fear and used that instead of the truth. Thanks for this, I needed it.

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  186. I'm looking very much forward to reading this book. I want to be a GG with Jesus' help.

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  187. Hi, I'm Jill and I'm a good girl, who always felt I was never good enough!! I love Emily's blog and am so looking forward to her book!!

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  188. wowweeeee, shannan! look at these comments! :)
    great post, always. i just wanted to tell you that i love how you wrap words around my thoughts and my spirit.
    xo

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