Thursday, September 15, 2011

Come With Me

I'm sitting here with my honey and my ugly blue blanket. There's a salsa bowl at my feet.

It's been a regular day. The good, the bad. The not worth rehashing.

Throughout my day there's been a constant thread. My urge to document these little moments was hopped up on 'roids. I took a lot of pictures. Like, a lot.

We sold our house.

It happened just about a week ago, but we were in denial for the first two days, then we were frantic for one, excited for three and now, tonight, I cried a little.

It was bound to happen sooner or later. I can't believe I made it this long. And it's Cory's fault anyway, for being so good to me and understanding me so well.

I have been scared. I've tried to tell myself that maybe we were wrong, like everyone - everyone - said. Maybe all of those things that we started to believe aren't real. Maybe I could just go on ahead and hide out here forever.

But then I would think of what's ahead of us and I'd know it all again. We are going. We don't know where, exactly, but it's different from here, and that's exciting and it's also a little weepy, a little anxious-feeling. For a long time, I would have equated the butterflies with an absence of peace, but I know better this time around. I know that sometimes it's necessary to gather up some extra courage and jump with your eyes closed. Because what's faith without a little fear? How much do we really need to trust when what we're doing is our favorite thing, the easiest thing, the quietest thing?

In the words of my dear, far-away friend, "I sincerely hope this doubt and sinking fear becomes your good friend. Those feelings are total suckage, but my'll find Jesus there waiting every time to comfort you and pick you up." Trust me, this girl knows.

We close the end of October so we're looking at houses like mad. There's a good possibility that Calvin will be switching schools mid-stream, so if you have any success stories of kids switching schools mid-year, now would be the time to share them.

We are zooming in on what we know for sure, what hasn't changed over these past eighteen months. Our time in this house has been a blessing, but there's a new one waiting for us now.

In the meantime, I've got a new mantra, and it changes by the minute.

It goes something like this, "We will still bake cookies in our new home."

"I'll still cook dinner and we'll eat it together."

I'll still have my Mr. Lee, wherever we go.

My girl will be happy and safe, because we'll go together.

My baby will stay wrapped up in my arms, and that's what matters most.

I'll have lots to say about this over the next month and I hope you're down with that. I do my best thinking when I'm with you, after all.

For now, thank you. Thanks for unveiling your Good Girl just when I needed it most. Thanks for sitting and listening every step of the way. And now that it's actually time to move, I hope you'll come along. I think it might be a wild ride.

Love, Love, Love you tonight,