Sunday, August 7, 2011

The Worst Thing About It

So, there was a reptile guy at camp one day.

He had an Australian accent and I was skeptical at first, but I think it was legit.

I'm an expert on these things, because I'm really good at singing along with Missy Higgins.

He yammered on for a whoiell (that's "while" in Australian, but I'm sure you already knew that) and then he said, "Yeeoe! In the grain shut! Geet ope eeyah!"

I looked across the tabernacle to where Calvin sat in his green shirt just as he looked down at his own chest (Yep, he's talking to me.) and marched right on up. The first one out the gate.

Homeboy is nervous about things like heights and go-karts and remotely sinister movies, but he's all over wildlife. He's got Creature Power.

Pardon the grainage. I had the measly peasly point-and-shoot and I was zoomed way in.

But come on, what Mama wouldn't be proud of this? None, that's who. He rocked that ball python.

The reptile dude started getting all bossy calling kids up front. I took this shot and thought I'd use it in a blog post and say something funny about it. (It's true, I often think in Bloganese.)

But a few minutes later, things took a turn.

He said something like, "Nowe eets toim fuw thu muthas!"

And he looked straight at me. Only at me. Straight and only at me.

I shook me head no.

He said "Yeays."

I said no.

He said "Geet ope eeyah."

Then Calvin started cheering up in his corner and I wasn't about to be shown up by my often-fraidy-cat kid, so I got the stink up.

He gathered a few more muthas together and then I died.

And then a strong breeze wafted over from the cafeteria and I was revived.

photo courtesy of Jennie Warner

And then the snake muscles slithered in my hands and I may have died again. That one wasn't confirmed. But I'm pretty sure.

photo courtesy of Evan Hicks

The only reason I'm here to tell about it is that I was not up near the head. The reptile guy kept getting all cute and sticking the head right in a poor Mama's face down at the other end of the line.

(I just full-body shuddered just thinking about it.)

Had I been down near the head, which I would NOT have been, but if I had been, it would've looked a little more like this.

The good news is, I was rocking the striped skirt for my near death experience.

No way could the Pom Poms have handled it.

No offense, Poms.

photo courtesy of Evan Hicks

The best part of all was that I was lined up next to her. I don't know her name, but she was exactly as tall as my shoulder and I just knew I liked her. I just knew.