Tuesday, August 9, 2011

What $0.59 Will Get You



The day had been hectic, though that's not always a bad thing.

Just after dropping Haven off at soccer practice Calvin asked, "Mommy, why do you sound kind of fer-us-terated?"

The truth is, I was kind of frustrated. No big reason. Just a little selfishness, I'm sure. And moping. And a dash of martyrdom, perhaps. My heart and head were full of the worries of the day, and only a few of them were important.

So I apologized and made a sharp right into the McDonald's parking lot. Our impromptu ice cream cone days are dwindling, after all.

I sat with a smile as I waited to merge into the drive-thru line. I licked my chops.

Suddenly, as if in a dream sequence, the McDonald's semi truck in front of me appeared to be coming towards me...in reverse.

So I layed on the horn.

(I'm a big horn-layer.)

He didn't hear me.

My driver side quarter panel died today. If only it could have been the passenger side! Now I'm banged up hither and yon. (Editor's note: I had a run-in with a bank drive-thru several months back.)

It seems the universe is vehemently against me driving a van.

Or going through drive-thrus.

One or the other.

The kids were very excited by the whole ordeal.

Here's something I learned today: Always, always call the police. Don't let the other driver tell you that it's not necessary. The police, they help. Their guns might make you a little edgy, but call 'em anyway.

Here's something else I learned today: I'm too old to gracefully climb over from the driver's seat and exit from the passenger side in circumstances in which my door will not open.

After all of the facts were in the books, we went on ahead and got our ice cream cones, and that was good, but it wasn't the best part.

The best part came 20 minutes later as we getting closer to home:

Ruby: Mommy, we should visit Charlie sometime. At the jail. (Editor's note: Charlie's back in jail.)

Me: Yes, we should.

Ruby: When people drink beer, they do naughty things and then they go to jail.

Me: Well, when people drink too much beer, they make wrong choi-

Calvin: (interjecting) Ruby, the problem is the sodium. Beer is high in sodium. And too much sodium can make you (flails arms around) go CRAZY!


Oh mah word. I laughed so hard. He was serious as a heart-attack. Or a sodium attack.

One or the other.


*Dreamy photo courtesy of CMB. Dang.