Tuesday, August 9, 2011

What $0.59 Will Get You



The day had been hectic, though that's not always a bad thing.

Just after dropping Haven off at soccer practice Calvin asked, "Mommy, why do you sound kind of fer-us-terated?"

The truth is, I was kind of frustrated. No big reason. Just a little selfishness, I'm sure. And moping. And a dash of martyrdom, perhaps. My heart and head were full of the worries of the day, and only a few of them were important.

So I apologized and made a sharp right into the McDonald's parking lot. Our impromptu ice cream cone days are dwindling, after all.

I sat with a smile as I waited to merge into the drive-thru line. I licked my chops.

Suddenly, as if in a dream sequence, the McDonald's semi truck in front of me appeared to be coming towards me...in reverse.

So I layed on the horn.

(I'm a big horn-layer.)

He didn't hear me.

My driver side quarter panel died today. If only it could have been the passenger side! Now I'm banged up hither and yon. (Editor's note: I had a run-in with a bank drive-thru several months back.)

It seems the universe is vehemently against me driving a van.

Or going through drive-thrus.

One or the other.

The kids were very excited by the whole ordeal.

Here's something I learned today: Always, always call the police. Don't let the other driver tell you that it's not necessary. The police, they help. Their guns might make you a little edgy, but call 'em anyway.

Here's something else I learned today: I'm too old to gracefully climb over from the driver's seat and exit from the passenger side in circumstances in which my door will not open.

After all of the facts were in the books, we went on ahead and got our ice cream cones, and that was good, but it wasn't the best part.

The best part came 20 minutes later as we getting closer to home:

Ruby: Mommy, we should visit Charlie sometime. At the jail. (Editor's note: Charlie's back in jail.)

Me: Yes, we should.

Ruby: When people drink beer, they do naughty things and then they go to jail.

Me: Well, when people drink too much beer, they make wrong choi-

Calvin: (interjecting) Ruby, the problem is the sodium. Beer is high in sodium. And too much sodium can make you (flails arms around) go CRAZY!


Oh mah word. I laughed so hard. He was serious as a heart-attack. Or a sodium attack.

One or the other.


*Dreamy photo courtesy of CMB. Dang.

78 comments:

  1. Hilarious! Isn't it just wonderful that our kids can make us laugh even on our worst of days?

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  2. What I really want to know is did you have to pay for your cones after all of that ordeal?

    I mean, what I really want to know is are you all okay?

    That truck driver obviously had been hitting the sodium a little too much today.

    Was Siley absent?

    xxoo

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  3. That made me smile. Who knew it was all just a sodium problem?

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  4. oh shannon. sorry about the van, that stinks!! but i am LOLing about the sodium!! that would have to bring a smile!! =)

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  5. I cannot for the life of me stop laughing. Tears and full body shuddering over here. That boy is something else.

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  6. Where do they learn these things?? My son also talks about sodium being bad for you. He often asks how much sodium is in something we're eating. (My husb tells me he thinks it was on Sid the Science Kid.)

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  7. That's hilarious! ( Calvin I mean, not the accident) Dang that CMB too.

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  8. HAHAHA!
    (and that photo is the jam!)

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  9. Oh, Shannan. I'm sorry about your quarter panel. Maybe McD's should give you free soft serve for life. Or at least for the next five summers.

    Sending hugs and love your way.

    And sodium does make people crazy. Love that kid's mind-workings.

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  10. i think i just peed myself laughing. tmi? too bad;)

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  11. This is sooo funny...I'm still laughing...and LOVE the photo!

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  12. Sorry about the van, but that sodium bit was hysterical!

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  13. Ha! Too funny! I totally did not see that coming. The truck. The drive thru. Any of it! ;)

    Rebecca

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  14. Had the truck driver eaten too many Big Macs? The sodium is them is terrible!

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  15. this is hysterical :) -not the van just Calvin!

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  16. I want to eat him up with a spoon!! He is so fippin AWESOME!!!!

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  17. oh the sodium, I know the dangers of it well (no really I mean sodium, not beer). Your boy is so very funny!

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  18. From the mouths of babes! So sweet!!

    My Jake always asks me why I have my "angry face" on - I get the squint lines between my eye brows. Always when I think I'm keeping it in just fine! :)

    Love the happy sunflower too!

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  19. I learned about sodium being bad in one of the magazine. I also do research on that how much sodium is in something we're eating in day by day. I information helps me lot.

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  20. Wow that is quite a day! Good thing for the comedian to keep you laughing :)

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  21. That truck driver may have ingested too much sodium. Maybe the cops should have tested his breath. : )

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  22. Haha, it's all about the sodium :)

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  23. No stinkin' way.
    I think the universe is definitely saying no more minivans for you : )
    You know you are WAY too cool for a minivan!
    That picture is so pretty.

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  24. This is so darn cute.
    Kids say the darndest things, right?!!!

    LOL
    Loving it.
    Glad you all are ok.

    xx
    Alison

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  25. alright. that's it. this is too much. arianna and calvin will solve the world's problems if only we can do our small parts and bring them together to do it. i mean i would love to meet you and all buuuuttt... those two... i would pop popcorn and buy a seat for that. :)
    ps.... and um hi. yeah my new mac???she loves you. as in--- NO MORE ANONYMOUS. i hope. :)

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  26. should i apologize if this really mad eme laugh? and FYI: i knew by the title that it had to be the mcdonald's ice cream cones! : )

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  27. Calvin's the best! His little mind is so onto it. Absolutely priceless!!!

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  28. That is hysterical! Darn Sodium.

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  29. You left the sodium out of our conversation! :) SO funny. I think he must have heard that last week at camp. There was some sodium, and some crazy.

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  30. First off, so sorry to hear about the car....but in better news, you gave me some good ole fashioned belly laughs!!! Thank you!

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  31. Your kids are a hundred kinds of awesome! Hilarious.

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  32. If only Charlie knew the issue all these years... simply SODIUM, I'm confident it would make a great impact on his life, in one form or another ;)
    Little C.... that is why we LOVE him!!

    Sorry bout the van- if only you could pass the other scratch and dent off to McDonald's for payment.

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  33. PS. I hope I am around when he 'grows-up' and reads this post for himself- Calvin that is, not Charlie.

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  34. Well, on the bright side, does your "rig" at least now fit into compact parking spaces? I think you did the right thing. McDonald's blows.

    Julie M.

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  35. ice cream cone from mcdonald's= .49
    mcdonald's semi not seeing you as it backed up= $---.-- (I really have no idea)
    serious conversion between the littles about how sodium messes you up= priceless

    Love those littles!!!

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  36. SODIUM!! So that's what it is...Here I was, blaming alcohol all along!! Your kid is hilarious!!
    Sorry about your van, but did you get free McD for life????

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  37. HILARIOUS! Makes me miss having talkers! They are so funny!

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  38. got rid of my minivan about 6 months ago...never been happier. :)
    I know it's shallow hal of me, but it's the truth.

    sorry the truck nearly ran you over.....hoping today is better.
    it sounded like you handled in a great way....far better than I'm afraid I would have. :(

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  39. You have the craziest of days! I tell ya! Was it worth the cone? Is McDonalds paying for your van? I sure hope so!

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  40. Oh I love that so much! I love little-kid-science and how sure they are. I plan to warn all my friends about the dangers of sodium in their beer. Think we can get a low-sodium beer on the market?

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  41. I love Calvin! Your Calvin stories always crack me up.

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  42. Oh grrrr. I'm so sorry to hear about your van. My daughter (19 years old) was in an accident on the tollway one day this summer. She's young and naive so the person convinced her not to call the police. Guess who's paying for the accident. :(

    LOVE the sodium comment! I'll be laughing about that one for a while. :)

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  43. That is hilarious! I knew it, that sodium gets you every time!

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  44. you know sodium can be a bad thing...that boy is smart! you tell him i said so;)

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  45. Oh no!!! I'm glad you are ok! I can't believe a semi hit you! That's crazy!! That Calvin is a crack up, where do kids pick up this stuff?! Love it!

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  46. I like the comments that the truck driver had too much sodium. I am assuming that since you were on McDonalds property and it was their truck that they are going to take care of things. Glad no one was hurt and you still had ice cream. Calvin is hilarious. Out of the mouth of babes. Hope you are writing all these cute things down. Have a better day.

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  47. Calvin is too funny! I just love hearing the crazy (my arms are flailing) things kids say! And those pictures of you and the snake on the link you left on your last post were HILARIOUS!! Has me in stitches every time I think of 'em :)

    XOXO,
    Angie

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  48. OMG. I seriously have to meet this kid. He keeps me in stitches. Seriously.

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  49. I knew there was a reason I hated sodium. lol SO cute. Glad no one was hurt (other than the van) and you still got your ice cream.

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  50. Almost my goodness, he's precious! That is HEE-Larious. Gotta love it! Glad you're ok. Sorry about your van though. At least you got your ice-cream.
    ~FringeGirl

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  51. Ooops. I hate it when that happens. But ice-cream always helps. Hang in there.
    xo, Cheryl

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  52. I hope you are writing some of those shenanigans (sayings) down for future times. You won't regret it. you and your kids are the best!

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  53. I'm so sorry for your distress--but thanks for much needed laugh!!!

    Do we get to see the beat up van? If it makes you feel any better, our "trusty rusty" currently has clear packing tape holding the bumper together. It's lovely.

    The sunflower shot is so dreamy. I came back just to see it again!

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  54. Darn that crazy sodium! Too funny.

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  55. OMG..I cannot stop laughing!

    At first I thought this was my fave (as I wholeheartedly agree with the comment):


    "Here's something else I learned today: I'm too old to gracefully climb over from the driver's seat and exit from the passenger side in circumstances in which my door will not open."

    but then it was ultimately the Calvin sodium comment that GOT me! Where does he even get this stuff from?

    As you've said before- you can't make this stuff up! Total hilarity!!

    Sending you warm cookie vibes and McD's cone-like goodness~

    xo~

    TT

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  56. Oh my stars - I love me some Calvin...and Ruby...and Siley....and Haven....and a flower patch farmgirl that tells it like it is and brings us a big ol' belly laugh even after she's had a very "fer-us-terating" day!
    Hugs,
    Jan

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  57. Does this mean you get a new car? Maybe you could lease the Batmobile!?
    P.S. I totally read this yesterday and forgot to comment, because things got REAL over here.

    Anywhoo, Calvin? Seriously HILARIOUS!

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  58. 1. calvin is a dreamboat.

    2. our mcdonald's cones? are $0.49. be very jealous.

    3. SO glad you are unharmed. i just heartily thanked God about that.

    4. but please tell me you have to regularly pull over into some guy's lawn and climb all willy-nilly from the driver's seat into the back of the van to extricate one child's hair from her little brother's clutches, right? this is other people too, yes?

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  59. OhmyWORD!!! That boy! I'm seriously cracking up! Darn that sodium!
    So sorry about your van!

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  60. SuPeR craZy. seriously.

    Checkin' in again and hoping y'all are OK. Love a cone.
    so...I hear Becky is in my neck of the woods now.

    Hugs.

    Beth

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  61. Wow, glad you are alright! And that you got your ice cream cone. Calvin cracks me up. That is all. At least for now. Please write again tomorrow. Your blog seems to be the only one I care to read right now. Ok, now THAT is all. :)

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  62. Thanks for sharing this kind of sodium.Really it makes me smile.

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  63. Sorry to hear about the accident. The kid is hilarious!

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  64. Bless you for finding the humor and happiness in a day like that. Sorry to hear about the inconvenience of the accident (and about Charlie). Thank Calvin for the inspiration to put away the potato chips. Wouldn't want all that sodium to make me go crazy. He did my butt a big favor, probably.

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  65. Hello! First time to your blog..found you through Jo-Annas blog and I just wanted to say you have an amazing gift of story telling and writing..this is hard to do in my opinion! I love all the dialogue you included your kids sound like a riot..and I am crackin up about the sodium in the beer comment. Too funny! So excited to follow along and read more

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  66. Oh, my goodness, what a funny kid! Hilarious. Now, I'd have been afraid the semi driver wouldn't have heard his truck hit you! And he would have just kept backing up onto you. That is awful. "Don't call the cops"--ha! You did the right thing.

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  67. D'Nese giosmama26@yahoo.comAugust 13, 2011 at 7:47 PM

    His response was just too funny. I laughed so hard. I'm so very sorry about your van. That just sucks. But I'm glad nobody was injured. I often think about Charlie (even if I don't know him) since you posted about his release from jail some time ago and how he went to your home that one day. I was always hoping to read something very good about him. I'm sorry he is back in jail. I'll keep him in my prayers.

    Have a blessed day.

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  68. Ha! That may be the best story I have heard in a long time! I'm laughing hard over here! Thanks for sharing!

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  69. This made me laugh so loud I woke people up.

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  70. It's Sunday and I'm catching up on your blog after being offline for about two weeks. I just wanted to tell you how much your writing makes me smile and laugh. You have a real talent!!!

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  71. As per your image, there are so many beautiful nature art, around us. But we never notice on it, but you done a excellent work and happy to share with us.

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