What started out as an innocent trip for post-dinner ice cream spiraled quickly downhill.
I should have seen it as the omen that it was when we loaded up Calvin in his boxer shorts, Ruby in hot pink spandex bike shorts and Silas with no shoes.
2 minutes into the trip, Ruby told a hiney joke. I could hear her in the back seat, reveling in Calvin's hysterical laughter. I could tell it was just a matter of time before she upped the ante. She upped it, alright. She started her joke and then dropped her tone to a loud whisper for "bottom". Homegirl has the market cornered on potty humor. And it's win-win for Calvin, who gets to belly-laugh and then immediately tattle.
Up in the front of our sexy mini van, Cory and I listened to Alanis Morisette, circa Jagged Little Pill. Took me right back. Took us both back. I wonder about Alanis - if she's happy in the world somewhere. I hope so, because I like her. Her Forgiven lyrics are pure genius.
A few minutes later, Calvin shouts from the back seat, "Ruby's pretending to smoke!" I say, "Ruby?" she responds, "I'm pretending to smoke! With this sucker stick!"
"We don't pretend to smoke, yada yada, put the sucker stick down."
Then Cory says to me, real quiet-like, "I always used to pretend to smoke." and I say, "Oh yeah, me too. We would secretly buy those candy cigarettes."
Candy cigarettes! Whose brilliant idea were those?
Ice cream went off mostly without a hitch.
Then I had to grab grape tomatoes at the grocery store and I'm just gonna put it out there: I bought a 4-pack of Wild Berry wine coolers. On sale.
Here's the thing about me and drinking: I do it, once in a while. I was raised with the mentality that if someone smoked or drank a beer, they were not going to Heaven. It probably wasn't worded exactly that way, but that's how I processed it.
So I never smoked (at least not for real) and I never drank. Ever. And I went about my merry way, thinking that people who did those things needed Jesus and being so proud of myself that I was strong enough to resist. And all the while, I could have been concerning myself with things like my own personal greed or selfishness or - duh - pride.
Then I grew up and I started to dig around for the truth about things and I started to love Jesus more and I started to have a margarita, once in a while.
I'm so controversial.
The evening of our undoing ended with two naked kids running willy nilly through the house, in hot pursuit of pajamas, to the tune of Ruby's newest song, involving a rocket potty, whatever that is.
Come thou, Sunday.