Monday, July 25, 2011

Things I Learned Yesterday

1. Waking late on a Sunday morning with the theme song from Beauty & the Beast is as bad an omen as I can imagine.

2. I am incapable of obtaining a close shave on my knobby knee caps.

3. Aldi eye cream can double as body lotion, in a pinch.

4. I wish they made perfume in the exact scent of Aldi eye cream.

5. Even in the presence of cable tv, I will almost always prefer to go about my morning in silence.

7. Joy is not a serial killer. In fact, she's pretty rad.

8. Mexican food never fails me. Ever.

9. I like to follow people around in the Goodwill store and tell them long, boring stories while they shop.

10. I always fall victim to the charms of something at a Goodwill store.

11. But I probably should have tried on the t-shirt.

12. A new, in-package Napoleon Dynamite board game will cause me to reconsider the status of my carry-on luggage.

13. Ann Voskamp is just as gorgeous and gracious in the airport security line.

14. A bottle of water and a Special K bar will run you almost $8 in an airport.

15. I feel empowered when I tell the airport check-out guy, "What??? OK, I don't need that Special K bar."

16. He won't mind one bit.

17. I'm hooked on Hooked.

18. I worry that I need to start my book over, but I'm oddly energized by the thought.

19. Kristen's on my flight! Sweet.

20. When you're walking to a connecting flight, it's best to pay attention.

21. If you don't pay attention, you might - might - end up leaving the terminal altogether, without a single notion of how it happened.

22. Airport security is even less fun the second time around.

23. I feel angry when I have to throw away my $4 bottle of airport water because I'm going through security again.

24. Long layovers feel shorter with a friend.

25. It's impossible to eat when you don't stop talking.

26. There is a difference between F28 and F2B.

27. It might be time to visit an optometrist.

28. I really do have the worst traveling luck ever.

29. OK, maybe not ever. But still.

30. Delayed flights breed camaraderie. And contempt.

31. It's ironic to survive the flights but then fear that you might fall asleep at the wheel on the drive home.

32. Hitting the door at 1:30 a.m. is surprisingly exhilarating.

33. "Inciting incidents" and "story-worthy problems" lead to insomnia.

34. Home is my very favorite.