Friday, May 27, 2011

In My Bag(s)

I am obsessed with those magazine features where you get to spy on what a celebrity has inside her suitcase/purse/fridge.

It always cracks me up to think of Star Jones barking at her assistant to hurry up and scrub the Sub-Zero fridge because Rachael's coming over!

And all of the lined up bottles of fancy water! I mean really.

Also, who really needs a $380 crocodile skin journal?

I'm mixing my features now, but I think you catch my drift.

It's fascinating, being a spy.

Provides such an opportunity for smug nosiness.

I'm no Star Jones and I've got rotten raspberries in my fridge right now, so I know it's not the same.

But here's what's inside my bag:

(Starting at high noon and working clockwise.)

-Revlon skinlights Holiday Glow...To Go "Starry Lights" palette
The entire skinlights line, which I adore, is now defunct. It's a violent pattern in my life, this
brute discontinuation of drugstore brands I love(d). The big draw on this little gem is the lip
gloss. It's kinda sticky, but it somehow makes me look like I have lips. And you just can't put a
price on that. Except the guy selling it on Ebay did. And I bought it, baby.

- Lone tampon
Sorry, but you asked. You didn't ask??
Back when I worked at Meijer, we had to wear read button-front smocks. One day, the store manager (aka local celebrity) sidled over to my friend and I and asked her if she had a pen he could use. She promptly reached into her smock pocket and handed him a tampon before even realizing what had happened. Oh yes, she did.

-Little snap-close spiral bound journal

I bought this a couple of years ago for Calvin when he was deep in the throes of his Executive
Phase. I decided to keep it for myself. I write grocery lists and ideas for my book in it.

- Blue felt-tipped pens

If it were up to me, I would only write with these. And it is. And I do.

- Neutrogena clawhand cream

The only thing that works.

-Glad coupon, this week's grocery list and the program from my SIL's
church Christmas Program

I had a major epiphany for my book at said Christmas program and jotted it down. Now it feels a bit like a lucky charm. I can't bear to part with it.

- 2 ponytail holders

I panic if I realize that I don't have one with me at all times. Panic.

- Cheapskate Target aviator sunglasses
I have wanted a new pair of sunglasses for a while, but could never justify the purchase. Then I forgot my sunglasses when we went to Florida. I swear it was an accident. And my right eye is extremely, perplexedly sensitive to light, even though it was my left eye that I stabbed with a pencil when I was 3. But we're not here to talk about that...

- "Gas Money" zippered bag
A different SIL gave me this for Christmas and I love it. I keep my little Moo cards in it.

- Purple bill-fold (as my mama would say)
TJ Maxx, eons ago. I heart it.

- Cash envelopes (get the scoop here)
It's the end of the month so they are totally empty.

- Meijer brand knock-off Claritin

Achoo! Achoo! Achoo! Yesterday I sneezed 24 times in a row without stopping. I was a little
disoriented to both time and space when I finally stopped.

- Vera Bradley makeup bag


- Trident Vitality gum

My new favorite. Green tea! And it has gooey stuff in the middle. It may interest you to know
that I always carefully pop a piece out, bite it in half, and put the other half back in the tiny foil pocket. I'm a halfer. It can't be helped.

- Calvin's blue velcro wallet that used to be my blue velcro wallet when I
was 8

He gets allowance now. In theory.

- Ruby's pink coin purse from Korea
Ibid.


What? You want more?

Well, alright.



- Last Blast Fusion mascara - black
Don't believe the hype.

- Burt's Bees Tinted Balm - hibiscus
My Mother's Day gift from Siley, via CMB. Cory has a long history of buying me an abundance of Burt's Bees and/or Bath and Body Works items. It's a subject of great humor in this house. But this tinted lip balm is THE BOMB. Yes, I still call things "the bomb". But only when it's
true.

- Prestige eyeliner - brown
My make-up is wonky. Also, if you are real-life friends with me, you know that I almost always put my eyeliner and mascara on in the car. It's a habit I just can't quit. I have my reasons. I just don't know what they are.

- Maybelline Shinesensation lip gloss - Crazy for Caramel
I say carmull. You say caramel. Let's lick the whole thing off.

- Cover Girl & Olay eye corrector - 230
I am a chronic dark-circle sufferer.

- Cover Girl Smoothers translucent powder - light
This powder is so old its beeper number is 1. This powder is so old it used to babysit Yoda. This powder is so old it new Mr. Clean when he had hair.

- Eyelash curler
If you lined all of my lashes end-to-end, they might equal one of Silas's lashes. Maybe. If they
stood on their tip-toes.

- Wet 'N Wild Wild Shine - Fling
Kinda orangey, I'm not gonna lie.

And now, a word on my diaper bag.

It is not really a diaper bag, it is a Jeanne Oliver original crafted from fine French linen and she will totally toilet paper my house when she finds out I'm using it to cart Luvs around.

- Blurry policeman figurine

- Luvs, size 4

- Plastic wipes case, probably empty

- Bethenny
We mysteriously began receiving Forbes magazine in the mail and find that it's oddly
entertaining. Last week Dylan Lauren was on the cover, which suited me just fine because I
happen to be obsessed with her dad. In a related moment of serendipity, I recently caught
Oprah for the first time in probably 2 years and it happened to be the interview of Ralph
Lauren and his entire family. Law. Did you ever see the Elle spread featuring Jessica Simpson
in all Ralph Lauren Americana fashion? My head almost exploded. But now I'm just
yammering.

Still waiting on your call, Bethenny!