Friday, May 27, 2011

In My Bag(s)

I am obsessed with those magazine features where you get to spy on what a celebrity has inside her suitcase/purse/fridge.

It always cracks me up to think of Star Jones barking at her assistant to hurry up and scrub the Sub-Zero fridge because Rachael's coming over!

And all of the lined up bottles of fancy water! I mean really.

Also, who really needs a $380 crocodile skin journal?

I'm mixing my features now, but I think you catch my drift.

It's fascinating, being a spy.

Provides such an opportunity for smug nosiness.

I'm no Star Jones and I've got rotten raspberries in my fridge right now, so I know it's not the same.

But here's what's inside my bag:

(Starting at high noon and working clockwise.)

-Revlon skinlights Holiday Glow...To Go "Starry Lights" palette
The entire skinlights line, which I adore, is now defunct. It's a violent pattern in my life, this
brute discontinuation of drugstore brands I love(d). The big draw on this little gem is the lip
gloss. It's kinda sticky, but it somehow makes me look like I have lips. And you just can't put a
price on that. Except the guy selling it on Ebay did. And I bought it, baby.

- Lone tampon
Sorry, but you asked. You didn't ask??
Back when I worked at Meijer, we had to wear read button-front smocks. One day, the store manager (aka local celebrity) sidled over to my friend and I and asked her if she had a pen he could use. She promptly reached into her smock pocket and handed him a tampon before even realizing what had happened. Oh yes, she did.

-Little snap-close spiral bound journal

I bought this a couple of years ago for Calvin when he was deep in the throes of his Executive
Phase. I decided to keep it for myself. I write grocery lists and ideas for my book in it.

- Blue felt-tipped pens

If it were up to me, I would only write with these. And it is. And I do.

- Neutrogena clawhand cream

The only thing that works.

-Glad coupon, this week's grocery list and the program from my SIL's
church Christmas Program

I had a major epiphany for my book at said Christmas program and jotted it down. Now it feels a bit like a lucky charm. I can't bear to part with it.

- 2 ponytail holders

I panic if I realize that I don't have one with me at all times. Panic.

- Cheapskate Target aviator sunglasses
I have wanted a new pair of sunglasses for a while, but could never justify the purchase. Then I forgot my sunglasses when we went to Florida. I swear it was an accident. And my right eye is extremely, perplexedly sensitive to light, even though it was my left eye that I stabbed with a pencil when I was 3. But we're not here to talk about that...

- "Gas Money" zippered bag
A different SIL gave me this for Christmas and I love it. I keep my little Moo cards in it.

- Purple bill-fold (as my mama would say)
TJ Maxx, eons ago. I heart it.

- Cash envelopes (get the scoop here)
It's the end of the month so they are totally empty.

- Meijer brand knock-off Claritin

Achoo! Achoo! Achoo! Yesterday I sneezed 24 times in a row without stopping. I was a little
disoriented to both time and space when I finally stopped.

- Vera Bradley makeup bag


- Trident Vitality gum

My new favorite. Green tea! And it has gooey stuff in the middle. It may interest you to know
that I always carefully pop a piece out, bite it in half, and put the other half back in the tiny foil pocket. I'm a halfer. It can't be helped.

- Calvin's blue velcro wallet that used to be my blue velcro wallet when I
was 8

He gets allowance now. In theory.

- Ruby's pink coin purse from Korea
Ibid.


What? You want more?

Well, alright.



- Last Blast Fusion mascara - black
Don't believe the hype.

- Burt's Bees Tinted Balm - hibiscus
My Mother's Day gift from Siley, via CMB. Cory has a long history of buying me an abundance of Burt's Bees and/or Bath and Body Works items. It's a subject of great humor in this house. But this tinted lip balm is THE BOMB. Yes, I still call things "the bomb". But only when it's
true.

- Prestige eyeliner - brown
My make-up is wonky. Also, if you are real-life friends with me, you know that I almost always put my eyeliner and mascara on in the car. It's a habit I just can't quit. I have my reasons. I just don't know what they are.

- Maybelline Shinesensation lip gloss - Crazy for Caramel
I say carmull. You say caramel. Let's lick the whole thing off.

- Cover Girl & Olay eye corrector - 230
I am a chronic dark-circle sufferer.

- Cover Girl Smoothers translucent powder - light
This powder is so old its beeper number is 1. This powder is so old it used to babysit Yoda. This powder is so old it new Mr. Clean when he had hair.

- Eyelash curler
If you lined all of my lashes end-to-end, they might equal one of Silas's lashes. Maybe. If they
stood on their tip-toes.

- Wet 'N Wild Wild Shine - Fling
Kinda orangey, I'm not gonna lie.

And now, a word on my diaper bag.

It is not really a diaper bag, it is a Jeanne Oliver original crafted from fine French linen and she will totally toilet paper my house when she finds out I'm using it to cart Luvs around.

- Blurry policeman figurine

- Luvs, size 4

- Plastic wipes case, probably empty

- Bethenny
We mysteriously began receiving Forbes magazine in the mail and find that it's oddly
entertaining. Last week Dylan Lauren was on the cover, which suited me just fine because I
happen to be obsessed with her dad. In a related moment of serendipity, I recently caught
Oprah for the first time in probably 2 years and it happened to be the interview of Ralph
Lauren and his entire family. Law. Did you ever see the Elle spread featuring Jessica Simpson
in all Ralph Lauren Americana fashion? My head almost exploded. But now I'm just
yammering.

Still waiting on your call, Bethenny!

44 comments:

  1. How big IS your purse? I don't carry one most of the time - cause when I do - there is just a wallet floating around it in, and I feel a fool. It's plain nonsense - and yet I don't want to carry a wallet in my pocket - it's not lady like...so I make G diddy go with me everywhere and pay for things. Amen.

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  2. Wooohooo! I was first!!!! Wooooo!!!! (that's what they do on PW's blog - you deserve the same)

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  3. And in the spirit of the very ripe OLF - I comment thrice.

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  4. Holy Canoli. You shove a lot of stuff in that bag. If we did one for me it would be 144 court sheets (crumpled almost to oblivion) 3 packs of stale gum, 2 pens without ink, 4 pen lids that don't fit on pen bodies aforementioned, mascara that has never been open, a pack of maybeline eyeshadow purchased in 1994 with the color pads missing, a wallet with a broken snap, and 60some snapshots.

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  5. Ok, you wouldn't want to see what's in my suitcase aka my purse. I like to be prepared for everything... I was a girl scout after all.

    And I'm with you on the felt tip pens... I love felt tip pens. And I NEVER write in black, blech.

    Thanks for the window into your world.

    ~Chris

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  6. Do you do Dave Ramsey (you know what I mean) (I hope), too?!

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  7. My mom always wrote with those pens. Good stuff.

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  8. I love posts like this. Thanks for sharing.
    Weird co-incidence: I was stabbed in the eye with a pen. My sis and I took turns shooting each other with pens backed into a little spring loaded gun. Her aim was not good (she was 4). I remember having to wear a white eyepatch to church.

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  9. 1. I have those same sunglasses.

    2. My eyelashes stink too. My husband's eyelashes are as thick as the hair on my head and look like they've had a curling iron taken to them.

    3. I'm just going to admit that I'm an office supply ho. Oh yeah...don't let me loose in Staples or Office Depot. So where did you get the felt pens because we both love them and can't find them anywhere.

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  10. Ooooh....aviators. Very Tami Taylor.
    Speaking of which, how's that final season coming along?

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  11. Fun post. I actually recently completed a paid survey where I had to submit a photo of the contents of my purse. It was fascinating to see everyone's lists!

    We've also been receiving Forbes from out of the blue, but I've never read it. I had to look up who Bethenny is. I think I recall now that you mentioned her in one of your (numerous, but I'm not complaining) Florida posts. =)

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  12. That Oprah episode is the one and only show I ever really enjoyed watching start to finish- it was amazing! If you don't sell your house you should have Corey build you tepee's and run a bed and breakfast...

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  13. i've seen those lashes you aren't a kiddin'. happy weekend to ya friend.

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  14. I dvr-ed the Ralph Lauren episode and haven't erased it. I want to live there. Almost as pretty as Meadowbrook farm! My bag looks like yours, except for the diaper. You must try the Cooper's new lip balm it is the balm bomb! Feel free to use that. I am considerate that way.

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  15. oh my goodness. you are so in style... my purse reminds me of mary poppins' bag, and it's always got a disgusting amount of arrowroot crumbs and miscellaneous wrappers at the bottom of everything. sigh. you inspire me.

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  16. I love that you kept your coupon. :)

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  17. Please explain to me why I was so fascinated by the contents of your purse?

    It's like you slathered it in lightly salted sweet cream, and kicked it up a notch with a dash of cinnamon and sugar and then I just can not help myself.

    Law.

    And on top of that the Coopster beat me to the blog tonight.

    Thrice.

    Law.

    xxoo

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  18. Isn't it amazing how much we carry in our purses?!

    In mine, I have a chewy (raw-hide) left over from our tornadoes last week (I wanted my Molly-girl to have something to chew on!), I have two eyeglass cases, both of which have glasses in them! There are about four different types of lipglosses (choices, maybe?) and a zebra planner....there is also a full-sized flashlight, a brick of a wallet, and a package of odds and ends.....maybe I could give up my upperarm workout as long as I keep lifting my purse!

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  19. YES, I am VERY RIPE thankyoufornoticing Coopsie.
    Geesh.
    I cleaned out my diaper bag. And the medicine cabinet. I didn't think to take pictures though, because I'm not a genius like you.

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  20. Can I just say my competitive spirit has kicked in and I feel like I should comment like, 15 times now, just to beat the ever shrinking coopadoop.

    will I?

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  21. No.

    I'm going to go sit on my rump and then? Fall asleep. Put THAT in your book.

    The great plot ideas I'm feeding you right now? Free. You're welcome.

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  22. Thanks for the peek. You are just crazy relatable I tell ya. You put your make up on in the car, have racoons eyes too & have a room in the house that you refer to as the "train room" also. What's up with that?!
    Rebecca
    From the Farm

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  23. ok...so a couple things to share here: i am a TOTAL pen snob. i have a couple favorites, but those felt ones are by FAR my fave. next, i love burt's tinted balm. i also have hibiscus. last, you are so super silly. i laugh all the time...not at you, but with you of course :)

    xo, alicia

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  24. oh oh I am with you on the burt's tinted balm...It is the Bomb!!!!..ok So I just felt like I was back in 7th grade (:

    Eyelash curler...no need for one in my bag…too small...hubby complains because his longo-mongo ones hits his sunglasses... thankfully his was the dominant gene so far in all 3 kiddos

    Lastly..don't let the comments get you down on the Amount of stuff...looked normal to me (: I was just surprised to not see any crumbs.. you probably do a better job of cleaning the bag than I do

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  25. I learned a very odd piece of trivia the other day... did you know women consume, on average, 4 POUNDS of lip gloss every year. Really makes ya think about what's in that lip gloss, doesn't it?!?

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  26. I'm a halfer, too! And I regularly curl my lashes & apply mascara in the car on the way to church, but that's because we're always running late.

    Luvs size 4 here, too. Don't you just luv Luvs? No leakage, and nearly the cheapest you can buy. I miss Blue, though.

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  27. Totally agree on the Neutrogena. My pudge hands get their fix too. I wish they made it for the inside of my poor Colorado dry-nose.

    Also...that tampon thing? That happened to me at the store a few weeks ago. Unfortunately, in the chaos of my purse, it had come unwrapped so it was even worse pulling out a shiny pink tampon and trying to sign my credit card slip with it. Fun.

    Even more fun is when one of my sons fishes them out of my purse and says "mom, what IS THIS???"

    I love being a girl. :)

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  28. You have inspired me to peer into the deep abyss of my bag and brave a major sort out.

    I spent a day wandering around the cool haunts of the Kings Road, Chelsea (London), with a justincaseineedit tampax jauntily poking out of my Levi's back pocket for all to see.It had just never made it into my bag as I dashed out of the house. Urggghhh! If it makes your friend feel any better!xx

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  29. I have that same Starry Night palette and I love it! Dying to read Bethany in Forbes! She rocks : )

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  30. glad to know ogther folks carry just as much stuff in their bag as I do.... Thanks for the peek into your life.

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  31. O.K. . . . the tampon thing? I have totally done that before. And don't EVEN look in the glove compartment of my car--that's where we keep the . . . *ahem* . . . "items." Hey, with four women (almost) in this house, you gotta stash them wherever you can!

    And mascara? That is a post I need to write. I have three tubes up in my makeup basket right now, and I hate them all. Ugh.

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  32. That episode of Oprah was my all time favorite, I think! I loved hearing about his life and how he got started. And seeing all his kids!

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  33. Im new to blogging...but i randomnly came across your blog and i love love love it.

    I'm definately following you. come and check mine out sometime! :)

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  34. So funny- love this post!!

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  35. what a fun little tour! xoxo
    i use the same burts bees:)

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  36. As per usual, this made me LOL.

    The tampon reminds me of my nephew around age 4 digging through my purse and finding 2. "what are these?" Me: "They are for ladies, honey." Emerson: "I want one!" Me: "No, they're not for playing." Emerson: (yelling!)"But I want to use one, too!" (after I told him that they're something that only ladies use. How to explain to a 4 year old? was trying to be age appropriate)- I'd like to point out that this back-and-forth happened at a little table at Starbucks. Joy.

    I agree about the mascara- tried it- was unimpressed. Love Burt's Bees but always choose the wrong color of liptint and it looks terrible on me.

    I like the little toys that always pop up in mommy's purses and bags. Can't wait for that to be my life!!

    Have a wonderful weekend!! :-)

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  37. I hate when my favorite products get discontinued...which usually happens as soon as I run out. I have such bad luck with that! I live in Pittsburgh now, but you totally took me back to growing up in Michigan when you mentioned Meijer's! Ha! And Clawhand cream? You crack me up!

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  38. This is such a cute post. I always look forward to reading your blog!!

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  39. I love posts like this. And what is it about Bethenny. I love her, too!

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  40. Such a fun post. I have been away from blogland for a bit (but I am back now :) I must say, I have missed your blog the most. So I have been laying here catching up before church. Thanks for entertaining me this morning!

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  41. I'm obsessed with what's in people's bags! I've been planning my own post on this! :)

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  42. I love you even more because your bag must resemble mine. Huge, important, and a life saver in an emergency. (Mostly fashion emergencies in my case)

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  43. two things--I just bought some of that Burt's Bees tinted lip balm. Love it. Your "halfer" comment on the gum brought back memories of the sticks of Carefree my granny used to share with me when I was little. She would always tear it in half-wrapper and all--and pass me one end while we sat in church or rode in her big ol' green Toronado.

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  44. That Neutrogena hand cream IS the only thing that works. I have tubes of it stashed all over the house and I make sure I have it with me before I leave the house - along with my wallet (usually). Also, the wipes case in my diaper bag is most likely empty, too. :-)

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