Tuesday, October 19, 2010

Taylor Swift and Apple Dip

Here's the reality of my life at this exact moment: I want to talk to you about caramel dip. I really do. I already loaded the picture and everything, as proof.

The problem is, I am presently and overwhelmingly scandalized by the news that Taylor Swift reportedly wrote a song "to" John Mayer on her new album.

Story photo: Report: Taylor Swift Reveals John Mayer Romance On New Album

Ain't no love song.

It seems Vile John is up to his usual tricks.

But Taylor Swift? Reigning Princess for the Junior Prom court of the world?

And incidentally, what would you do if your 19-year-old daughter started "dating" John Mayer?

Pardon me while I go scrub my brain with bleach...

On one hand I'm proud of her for the public slamming.

On the other hand, I'm sad for her.

But on the other hand, she's ended up with the last word.

But on the one foot, she's so young.

And he's not.

But he is creepy.

And vile.

And I'm sure he'll take this as permission to start dogging her in the public square.

Not that he's ever asked permission in the past.

It's true, I care too much about celebrities at times.

I tend to think that I really know these people whom I've never met.

I blame you.


(dramatic pause)


I'm wringing my hands over here.

Can you hear it?

Can you feel the tension all the way from there?

Please make better choices from now on, Taylor Swift. Please go back to dating that nice boy from the Frankenstein movies.

And now: Caramel Dip

My sister-in-law made this for our recent movie night and it was all I could do not to swipe the bowl clean with my finger, rubber spatula-style.

Soften 1 package of reduced-fat cream cheese to room temp (I leave mine out overnight. Is that ok? Oh, it's not? Well, pretend I never said it. Especially if I serve you softened cream cheese sometime in the future.)

Add 1/4 cup white sugah
3/4 cup packed brown sugah
1 tsp. vanilla

Beat it with an electric mixer until it yields entirely to your will.

It should look gooey when it's done.

And it should smell like a bowl full of heaven.

Slice up some Honeycrisps (totally splurge-worthy) and thank your lucky stars that your daughter is not dating John Mayer.

The end.