Tuesday, October 19, 2010

Taylor Swift and Apple Dip

Here's the reality of my life at this exact moment: I want to talk to you about caramel dip. I really do. I already loaded the picture and everything, as proof.

The problem is, I am presently and overwhelmingly scandalized by the news that Taylor Swift reportedly wrote a song "to" John Mayer on her new album.

Story photo: Report: Taylor Swift Reveals John Mayer Romance On New Album

Ain't no love song.

It seems Vile John is up to his usual tricks.

But Taylor Swift? Reigning Princess for the Junior Prom court of the world?

And incidentally, what would you do if your 19-year-old daughter started "dating" John Mayer?

Pardon me while I go scrub my brain with bleach...

On one hand I'm proud of her for the public slamming.

On the other hand, I'm sad for her.

But on the other hand, she's ended up with the last word.

But on the one foot, she's so young.

And he's not.

But he is creepy.

And vile.

And I'm sure he'll take this as permission to start dogging her in the public square.

Not that he's ever asked permission in the past.

It's true, I care too much about celebrities at times.

I tend to think that I really know these people whom I've never met.

I blame you.


(dramatic pause)


I'm wringing my hands over here.

Can you hear it?

Can you feel the tension all the way from there?

Please make better choices from now on, Taylor Swift. Please go back to dating that nice boy from the Frankenstein movies.

And now: Caramel Dip

My sister-in-law made this for our recent movie night and it was all I could do not to swipe the bowl clean with my finger, rubber spatula-style.

Soften 1 package of reduced-fat cream cheese to room temp (I leave mine out overnight. Is that ok? Oh, it's not? Well, pretend I never said it. Especially if I serve you softened cream cheese sometime in the future.)

Add 1/4 cup white sugah
3/4 cup packed brown sugah
1 tsp. vanilla

Beat it with an electric mixer until it yields entirely to your will.

It should look gooey when it's done.

And it should smell like a bowl full of heaven.

Slice up some Honeycrisps (totally splurge-worthy) and thank your lucky stars that your daughter is not dating John Mayer.

The end.

58 comments:

  1. Where do you get this news from? You are like, my bloggy TMZ. I had no idea. Is that even allowed?
    What is the song about? What song? Who's John Mayer (just kidding)?

    I will eat your dip. If you haven't become violently ill yet, I'll take my chances, because there's sugah in it.

    You know what goes well with carmel dip? bacon.

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  2. p.s. Who combines apple dip with taylor swift scandal?
    That's why I love you baby.

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  3. p.p.s. It's like half of your heart was all about taylor swift and half of your heart was about apple dip.


    Get it?
    Hello?

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  4. The whole John Mayer thing?? Yuckiness.
    That carmel dip? Looks as though I may need another trip to the store today. Seriously contemplating running out after dinner to buuy the goods.


    And how am I the first to comment again??

    We must haver our blog vibes in sync:)

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  5. He should be locked up. Vile, nasty man.

    I am all over that dip. It looks as dreamy as it sounded. My mouth is already waterin'. I will report back.

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  6. caramel dip. good.

    nutso celebrities. bad.
    (don't actually know the john m. story, and don't want to)

    walking to kitchen to leave cream cheese on counter next to leftover baked spaghetti

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  7. I feel the same way about the new Miley Cyrus video. I cannot wrap my brain around it and it hurts my teeth to see her bumping and grinding with men, women and creatures that look something in between. She is SEVENTEEN.

    I was holding out for Taylor Swift, planning to poster my girl's room with her photo because I was so sure she'd make a good role model.

    sad day in mudville.

    on the other hand (and i've apparently just lost use of the shift button and can no longer capitalize) apple dip?? heaven. I hope it's points-free.

    What? It's not? aw, heck. Time to splurge!! :)

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  8. awwww... i could listen to john mayer sing all day and i'm pretty certain i'd enjoy it even more in person:) that's probably all i should say about that.

    don't you think the little girl was playing with fire a bit on that one? live. and. learn.

    very funny on the frankenstein comment! come on shannan, give a vampire a break:)

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  9. That dip looks delicious and John Mayer??? Really?
    What is she thinking he is a slime ball!!!

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  10. What??? For shame TMZ for not keeping me more up to date. This would have made great salacious coffee house talk.

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  11. Thanks for the recipe. You are so funny....about Taylor's song. He is a slime ball.

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  12. Is no rock heavy enough to weigh down the likes of Mayer? How does he manage to crawl out like that? Totally trying the dip and as for my all time favorite apple...our Walmart sells apple cider made from nothing but Honeycrisps. So good it almost hurts.
    smiles
    Darlie

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  13. Ahhh... some celebrity gossip I'd otherwise never know of, unless of course it graced the cover of a magazine at the grocery store. Is it crazy that I want to now hear this song?
    Oh, and whip up some caramel dip to eat while listening to it.

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  14. Ooooo, what are you doing to this pregnant lady! I have a belly full of fried foods and I STILL want some of that dip. Plus I have 2, yes 2! honeycrisps in the pantry. This is going on my to do list for tomorrow.

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  15. mmmmmmmmm. i want some now. :)

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  16. I guess I must live in the dark around here. I have no idea who John Mayer is!!!!

    But the apple dip looks heavenly...

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  17. Thank goodness I have NO idea what you are talking about. Just turn off the t.v. It will do wonders for you. Well, except for the sports channels. Can't live without those. ;D

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  18. What is all this about John Mayer & Taylor Swift?!?!? I need details, people! Oh, and that dip sounds yummay! And what are honeycrisps? Why do I feel like I know nothing all of a sudden?

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  19. So...and this is sad, but everytime I hear John Mayer..I do not think of his music. I think of the spoof episode on him (the one where Chris has that zit and it talks to him and tells him to do bad things) and it comes in with Chris standing by a brick wall with a spray can and you hear his zit tell him like "go on Chris", then he spraypaints on the wall "Thats enough John Mayer" -- And that is what I think of....That's enough John Mayer.

    Ok...complete odd tangent...back to the dip. This one will be tried --- most likely tomorrow, after my pizza. :)

    Cheers~
    e

    Are we still friends after that randomness? :)

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  20. Family Guy...my goodness I must be tired I left out the episode came from Family Guy...sheeshh! There went another friendship b/c of ADD typing.

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  21. Oh. My. My. MY!!
    List of things to do:
    #1 Do extensive scientific research on why seemingly intelligent women think John Mayer is so wonderful when he clearly is a play'a
    #2 Apple Pickin'...cause I've gotta do #3
    #3 Indulge in sinfully too yummarific recipe noted above
    #4 Speakin' of above...give a shout out to my oldest friend ever LaylaBlue! We went to kinny-garten together and were reunited over at The Cottage Nest

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  22. Wow, obviously it's been too long since I've been to the grocery store. While standing in the check out line is when I'm able to catch up on all the celebrity gossip on the front pages of People or Us... I totally missed the John Mayer/Taylor Swift "thing".

    For the caramel dip, another wow, but the good kind. Anything with cream cheese and brown sugar has to be GOOD. Honeycrisp apples, I'm all over those too. We have a couple of local orchards that grow them AND make the best apple cider out of them too.
    :)
    Chris

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  23. mmmmm....the dip looks delish....and for the record....if barefoot contessa leaves her cream cheese out overnite (or so i've read) you can too :)

    and thank you for the shout out to honeycrisps. simply the best.

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  24. Wha? How did I miss this? Taylor and John? What in the world...??

    I'm totally trying your dip tomorrow. Thanks for making my night. :)

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  25. You are talking to a subscriber of People and Instyle mag! I too, sometimes think I know these people and that if they knew me - we would be friends. I know Bonnie Hunt would want to have coffee. I am certain of it! I think Stephen Colbert would eat dinner here. Positive in fact!Taylor and John um, scumbag...I am sick about it. He is a *insert bad word here that rhymes with cut* I was sad to hear it. She so young and fresh, him so old and horny. Shocking to say the least.

    The dip looks divine but I am at the end off day 3 with NO sugah. Pray for me b/c it is my crack.

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  26. Wasn't Taylor paying attention to the other lovely women he slimed? I worry too. I have a 16 year old daughter. I worry all the time. She has a good head on her shoulders, but...
    Back to the dip, the good one... it looks yummy! And you can leave it out overnight. I don't mind.

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  27. John Mayer is icky and if my 18 y/o daughter even thought about sitting next to him, I'd have to hose her down in the yard before letting her back in the house. (kidding! but it would be tempting) He's kind of pitiful really, I think he was a BIG nerd in high school and now he thinks he's too cool for school (he's just not nearly as funny or smart as he thinks he is). Where was Taylor's mama?

    Anyway - that caramel dip! YUMMY!! And anything eaten with fresh fruit is lo-cal - I think that's a law, right?

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  28. OK...we just got over the Ben thing but now I have to tell you I have also seen young and beautiful Taylor Swift in the flesh. She stayed at our hotel in Scottsdale and was across the pool from us alone with a boy. Let me tell you that at the time she was only like 17 or 18 probably. (how old is she now). I wondered where her Mom was cuz I'm way overprotective Asian like that.
    John Mayer that dang svengali (is that the word). I love his music so it is too bad he's a womanizing creep. :) Oh, yum on the dip. Too make you feel better my Korean Mama says its ok to leave things out room temperature. even eggs. So feel better about serving spoiled food to your family and friends...we do. :)

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  29. Thanks...thanks alot, dear.
    I'm craving caramel dip now!! :)

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  30. Darn you! I purposely did not click on the Taylor Swift/John Mayer story earlier today! You ruined my resolve!

    I should go eat some caramel dip to make myself feel better.

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  31. Next time, mix in those little Heath toffee bits that you can get in a bag in the baking section. You'll thank me. :)

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  32. Since my daughter got her braces off and I no longer get to hang out in the orthodontist's office, I've gotten woefully behind in my People magazine reading. Thank you for the update on the icky imaginary people. You provide a valuable service.

    Love caramel apple dip. I just made a pumpkin dip that I serve with ginger snaps. It's equally clean-the-bowl-with-your-finger worthy. Trust me.

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  33. Reading through the comments here... don't think anyone has assured you that to let out Cream Cheese overnight... well... I've done it too. No worries(that I know of) here... ;)

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  34. Oh gross...John Mayer? Why Taylor, why??? {insert Nancy Kerrigan whine to previous sentence} I am disgusted by him.

    Oh, but the caramel dip looks good.....

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  35. I was way more concerned when she started doing duets with Joe Elliott, ex-lead singer of Def Leppard and lifetime-achievement level womanizer. How did that one happen? What was America's sweetheart du jour doing on stage with a total sleazebag? And was anyone even aware of it besides me and Taylor Swift's dad?

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  36. Yes it is ok to leave cream cheese out overnight. Just not over night in the sun. So you're cool. That dip has been a family favorite around here for years. Try adding chopped peanuts. You'll pass out. So freaking good.

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  37. She's playing on my Ipod right now! I think she's adorable!!

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  38. I guess this is why I live down a very long lane on a farm in my own little world and know nothing when it comes to celebs.......but I just recently discovered HONEYCRISP APPLES.....they are to die for! Love them! So now I will have to try the oh so wonderful looking dip!

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  39. I have had that dip before. It is so yummy good! Now as for the celebrity thing, I am the same way. Why do we feel so responsible to set these people straight?! When you come up with the answer, please let me know.

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  40. Tooo funny about Taylor and John - what song? I am going to have to try that apple dip as it looks delicious.

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  41. Didn't know that. He is so creepy. Love his music, but ick! I get way to caught up in celebrity stuff too. Maybe that's why we like blogging so much? Hmmmm something to think on...maybe while I make some yummy caramel apple dip;) Have a great day friend.

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  42. Poor baby T-Swift. I've been worried sick about her. John Mayer is a skeez.

    Love the apple dip. I use this same recipe, but I add heathbar chips to it.

    If that's wrong, I don't want to be right.

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  43. I have been reading your blog for a while. I have you saved in my favorites. You are my third stop in the morning computer time. Check email, check my own blog, head over and see what the Farm Girl has to say this morning. Anyway, the apple dip sounds fab, and I have a recipe I'd like to share back. I will have to go and dig it up. It's the kind that never even leaves the bowl that you mix it up in to put it in your fancy-shmancy entertaining bowl. I'll find it and post it later.

    I just felt that I had to jump in on the Taylor Swift wagon before it pulled out of the farm. I love this girl, and personally I may feel she went a little far with the song. Despite this I feel that I need to cheer her for her effort to redeem herself to the world. Maybe they can make a movie from it later.

    Joy K. from S.C.
    http://kinardseason.blogspot.com

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  44. Toffee Apple Dip

    1/2 bag of Heath Toffee Bits
    1 block of Cream Cheese
    1 tablespoon Vanilla
    1 cup of sugar
    1 cup of brown sugar

    Mix well

    I serve with Granny Smith or Cortland apples soaked in pineapple juice.

    I found it quicker than I thought. Yummy!

    Joy K.

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  45. gr! Sweet Taylor has should have stayed far far away from John Mayer!
    he's an amazing musician and a jerk of a guy. i hate that she got sucked in!
    should be an interesting song.... and anything he says about her everyone should ignore because he'd just a.... trying to keep it clean here- really immature, selfish, child. but in a creepy over 30 way.

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  46. Yeah, I read about this yesterday, but I laughed about it just now! You crack. me. up! Boy, I needed Taylor to write a song for me in about the eleventh grade;0)
    Dip looks deelish...gotta try it!
    ~Holly

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  47. Honeycrisps are unbelievable worth working into the budget.

    So are Winesaps.

    My grocery budget doubles during apple season to accommodate our needs.

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  48. . . . but if you're going to buy organic Honeycrisp apples, make sure you take your credit card to the grocery store. I spent $8 on four of them last week!! It's like buying truffles!
    Anyway, love the dishes, the photos, and the tablecloth, and have always been creeped out by sleezy John Mayer.

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  49. Haha! Oh I am soo with you on this one! I love Taylor Swift and despise John Mayer with a fiery passion. I am sickened that she was stupid enough to fall for him...yuck! lol But that apple dip looks delicious :)

    ~Kiri

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  50. You could just live in your own little world like I do...I've heard the name Taylor Swift, but not John Mayer. I know, I live in La-La Land, but it's nice here. La-la-laaaaaaa!! Bring on the apple dip!

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  51. Hahaha! SO funny! And that caramel dip looks amazing!!!

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  52. I was also very VERY disturbed upon hearing this Dear John news.. I am choosing to believe that it never happened and that she's still young and naive enough to have made it all up in her pretty little head.
    Creepy is right!

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  53. Oh John is SO icky - seriously who wants to "date" him and why. She is too young for his grossness - is that a word - I think no - but I'm using it b/c it works in this case. Ick - now I'm going to be distracted for the rest of the day.

    PS - Jason Mraz wants to be my real friend. I know it - he wants to cruise around in my Mom van singing with me and the kids & then play guitars with my cute maintenance man. I am sure of it. Just sure of it.

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  54. I sooo love your blog!!! that's all :) have a great day!

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  55. I care about celebrities too....and she is too young...and he is too vile...nasty...just gross... (although I love his music...I can't help it...it is really good!) Caramel dip is awesome...you can add some toffee chips (Heath Bar) to that and it is even better...as if that were possible!

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  56. Poor scrumptious delicious carmel dip - had to be in the same post as icky John Mayer. blek!!!!!

    I know! and did you hear that Christina Aguilera is getting a divorce? and Ben Harper and Laura Dern, too! SHAME!!
    hearts, SJ

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  57. love this post.
    thanks for the reality....
    and I second adding in the heath bits to the caramel dip..it'll change your life....not like Jesus does...not even close...but it will love at very first bite!

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