Thursday, July 15, 2010

Unleash Your Inner Psychologist

I had a dream last night. A new spin on a classic.

I was back at my old high school and it was time to change classes. I went to my locker to get my books, but I couldn't remember exactly which locker was mine. I kept going down the line and I knew the combination for every lock. I was thinking, "How crazy if all this time, the combinations were the same for each locker! Sneaky." But as each locker opened, I would discover that none of my things were in it. Wrong red locker. So down the line I went, opening opening opening lockers. And the clock was ticking and I knew I was running out of time.

In my professional opinion, I think I might be feeling just a sliver of anxiety over time-sensitive matters such as selling a house, finding a new house, finding a job for the Mister...

I find myself yearning for the day when all of it is settled. When we are settled. We're in Limbo Land, and this town ain't big enough for the both of us. I've willfully allowed the hanging baskets and the window box to die an ugly and untimely death. There are unplucked weeds. It's true.

But there there are also Littles, soothing me like ginger lemon tea. There is my honey, catching the frets as they ricochet off of me and tossing them over his shoulder like the old news that they are. There are flowers, calming me like a salve.


I'm ready to live these last Summer weeks with a new kind of peace and a new kind of joy. Or maybe they're the old kinds. Maybe they're the Good Ol' Days, coming back around and slowing down just enough for me to hop back on.

It may periodically trip me up - this odd existence. We have joyfully surrendered with the assumption that change would steam-roll us right into our next phase of life. As it turns out, God isn't interested in steam-rolling us. He probably knows it's too hot and sticky for a bunch of steam right now, anyway.

One of these days, opportunity will arrive. On a bicycle, I think. Or maybe rollerskates. A pogo stick? That would be fun.

All I know is that when "it" lollygags 'round the bend, I hope it finds me with a smile on my face. And maybe a clean shirt and blow-dried hair, but I'm not holding my breath.

29 comments:

  1. I pray for patience ... hoping he won't teach me patience by making me wait even longer! Yeah, I am still a huge work in progress!! Keep the faith girlie!

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  2. When you least expect, when you least expect it. That is always opportunity's way. I've heard The Limbo is a fun dance, if done with great abondon : )
    Dana

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  3. The reward at the end of this road won't be nearly as sweet without some bends and curves along the way...you'll find the open door soon. :)
    Said from the most impatient gal on earth! It's hard when you're ready but everything else is 20 steps behind!
    Keep hanging out with new people and enjoying your summer days ~

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  4. Shanny, you nailed it on the head. You don't know where your locker is going to be - you don't know what the combination will be - it's unsettling - absolutely - breathe - I think we miss so much by being anxious and feeling in limbo - limbo is sometimes a fun place to be. Life is seamless - there are no stops and starts - but we think there are - let one day meld into the next, pouring like honey on a biscuit, melting like ice cream down your cone, over your fingers. Savor it. Slow down - relax - it's all gonna be ok honey, you know that, and I know that - and I just have a feeling - I can just feel it (please tell me when that is enough of that, cause I will run it into the ground like you wouldn't believe)

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  5. your miracle is on the way along with a large bouquet of beautiful zinnias!

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  6. oh and I'm in the middle of the help right now! great book indeed!

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  7. Praying for your new adventure to begin soon! I love the picture of the bicycle...very cool! Keep your chin up!

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  8. You make me cry. Today/tonight has been miserable. Does God really NOT steamroll us? thank you for the truth. So hard to believe it sometimes, when you feel steamrolled. He is love.
    Thanks. For. The. Reminder.
    I can't tell you how much I needed it.

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  9. I familar with that feeling! Trusting in God is what gets me threw! Your so strong! You will feel settled soon! Its a womans need to feel settled. We yearn for it. You will be there soon my friend! Lulu

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  10. its a path to make you stronger...& with your gorgeous bambinos by your side in will be one you will look back on and love...
    melissa...

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  11. "In the morning, O LORD, you hear my voice; in the morning I lay my requests before you and wait in expectation." Psalm 5:3...did you catch it?...wait...in expectation!!! The wait isn't passive at all...the casual sitting, sipping on tea, lollygagging around just wondering if/when He'll show up. It's active...the standing kind...looking...EXPECTING...He will show up in an amazing, powerful way...preparing for His move. Get that clean shirt on, girl, 'cause it's a comin'!

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  12. Ginger lemon tea! Me too! Soothing.

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  13. oh, how i can relate! we are just recovering from a very unsettling state of limbo ourselves. it was very hard, but so worth it and we are so much stronger/happier for it. sending you lots of good wishes as you make the transition. you have a great outlook and a beautiful little fam. and such a way with words!

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  14. Water those window boxes!First you should know I'm really jealous you met the Coop Keeper in person. Shes my girl crush and she doesn't even know me! I want her life,is that wrong. I don't care. I thought you two should be friends. I wanna come too. You're going to be fine I promise. Looking back now at the last five years (ugh) I've come full circle. Yup I was where you are. Maddening, I know. Deep breaths.Breath anyway you want to,but breath and water those flowers!

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  15. You are a wise old soul in a young gal's body. We all need to pray for patience in these uncertain times. All things work for good...
    Deb

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  16. Oh Shannan I think you are handling your time in limbo land beautifully. When my Honey was looking for another job last year I was a mess. It was sickening...the waiting. I SOOOO know what you are going through. If you ever want to vent I am a very good listener. Meanwhile just remember that God is working. Every. single. last. detail is being played out and it will all come together at exactly the right time. It always does. Love ya farmgirl!

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  17. stilts...stilts would be good. then you could see it coming. xoxo

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  18. We feel like we are so close to finding it ourselves, and all I can say is, there were MANY blog posts I could have written during this limbo time, but didn't!!! (Yet. I may still write them if this waiting period goes on forever. LOL) In the first month, every day was one long, dragging, hour after hour... I finally completely surrendered but until that point, it was soooo hard. You are doing awesome with that!! Hang in there girly.

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  19. That's so strange...I have a reoccurring dream about being back in high school and not knowing what class I'm supposed to be in and also finding out once I get there that I'm failing that class.
    I can relate to being in limbo-land as well. Thank you so much for showing me how to be in this land with faith and grace!

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  20. I have had the same dream! Sometimes though, once I finally find my locker, I won't know the combination, or I'll finally get in and then not remember my schedule. Isn't that weird?!

    I hope you 'stress dreams' stop and that you can relax in God's great big plan for your life. He is good, and His love endures forever.

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  21. I don't know 'bout you, but I've still gotta work on the kickin' and screamin' while I wait. Father always reminds me that if salvation didn't come at "just the right time" (Romans 5:6), I wouldn't have appreciated it or even noticed it was the hand of God?
    Keeping the rocks quiet,
    Heather

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  22. Just a couple more memories to be made at that farm, memories that -He- will have you use to help others. Then you and your darlings will be sent on your way.
    xoxo
    Glenda

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  23. lovely + thought provoking post. You are handling the limbo so gracefully. Limbo is such a challenging time but you are a role model of patience + faith. You go, Flower Patch Farm Girl!

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  24. That's the funny thing about change when you're waiting for it. One day you will be feeling like none of it is ever going to happen and then one day you will wake up and by the end of that day your whole life will have turned topsy turvy. Who knows what tomorrow will bring for you? I'm hoping tomorrow will bring me plans for a picnic table. But whatever. (Ahem, Cute Maintenance Boy)

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  25. Ahhhh, limbo. It sucks. But like you, I am also trying to soak in the cool breezes and calming rays of sunshine. For I believe that everything will happen with purpose and reason. I am along for the ride...joyfully living life in the moment.

    XOXO

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  26. Oh my gosh, I have a similar recurring dream except mine is that I can't find my locker and I forgot my combination. What's that all about?! We have the same twisted mind it seems ;) Does that scare you?

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  27. first off....just forget the clean shirt and blow dried hair...you're just perfect without those and he will find you happy, i just know he will.
    ~tara

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  28. Maybe it will come on stilts. I love stilts. :) My grandparents made us all (at least 4 of us kids, maybe 5) a pair for Christmas one year. Imagine how weird we looked in our back yard, all of us walking around on stilts! ;)

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  29. Right. Ok. So I am a counselor that does dreams all the time... and I think you nailed it. Your anxiety is getting the best of you. But one thing is very apparent, both from the dream and your monologue: You are a hoper, a dreamer, a positive rolling influence. So regardless of your anxiety & doubts, your outlook remains full of faith. I think everything will be alright. You inspire & clearly work hard to make a good life for those around you. And you love unconditionally. That's all you need to make your life move forward.

    Ps. Loving your summer posts & pictures...

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