Thursday, July 1, 2010

My Day - Recounted in Such a Way as to Not Follow Chronology or Even Linear Logic

My day was pure bliss.

It may have something to do with the fact that it's No Pre-Schoolers Allowed Week, but then again, it may not. I'll never tell.

Today was my belated birthday day. And I got to choose.

And I chose this.

It's a big deal, because Cory loathes sand and oceans and the sun. And even though this was Lake Michigan, it was eerily similar to something oceanic.

But it was my day, and it was my pick.

What could be more relaxing and romantic than a kid-free day at the beach?

And does the romantic factor diminish when I tell you that once our feet hit the sand, we parted ways for the next 2+ hours?

It was necessary for Cory's general demeanor that he seek shade. And it was necessary for my demeanor to bask. And, you know, if you love someone, set them free.

Good news - he came back.

But I'm getting ahead of myself here...

Let me tell you something you probably didn't know about my husband. If he stumbles upon a relaxing, kid-free day of reading in the shade, he is a happy man. He's so happy that he will grab this book and throw it in the beach bag, like it's a normal thing to do. And he's already read it thrice.

I nearly fell out when I saw that book. At first glance, I thought it was my Personality Theories textbook from college. Oh no, that would've been far too gripping. He's more into fluffy, beach reads featuring dead-and-gone theologians.

But who am I to judge?

I opted for US Weekly, even though I banned it two years ago following a particularly nasty cover story. I am not ashamed to admit that I am a sucker for all things Bachelor related. A savvy girl knows when to walk away from a principled ban.

I flew through the mag and moved on to this book and I am in love. I haven't the foggiest notion how I will possibly get a blasted thing done around here, now that I've started reading.

As a matter of fact...Goodbye! I'll be back in a few days.







Just joshing.

Whilst reading, I enjoyed a rousing round of eavesdropping. What's a girl to do? Here's what I gathered - there was a young married couple along with another youngish guy who is engaged to a girl whose name I am too honorable to disclose. She was not present. An additional girl was present and said guy greeted her warmly with a hug, then, when she disrobed (so to speak) he said, and I quote, "Now that's a cute little suit!" He also asked her to rub sunscreen on his back, proclaiming, "I'm not married yet!" In closing, he bragged about the size of the engagement ring he procured for Jane Doe. Ri-ve-ting.

I kept thinking, "Surely I'm not the only one here who sees that this guy is not ready to marry..." Then I decided that the only possible solution is that the married couple invited the other girl to join them because they are worried that Flirty Pants is headed down that all-too-familiar road of doom and destruction. They didn't know what else to do. They had hope that he was smart enough to see the writing on the wall.

He's not smart enough. Fraid not. I know these things.

AND...just as they were leaving, I realized that I knew the married guy. Well, knew of him, but still! Who woulda???

All the while, unbeknownst to me, my buns and overall backside were being burned to a crisp.

I'm in a world of hurt. It hurts to walk. Hurts to sit. Hurts to breath.

Of all the life lessons I have learned, this is not one of them. Every Summer, I suffer one burn. I know, I know. I know! I really do.

Except I clearly don't.

While Cory left me solo to roast on my spit and dine on Pretzel M&Ms, he took some pictures. It's true, he was the creepy, aloof dude on the beach, taking pictures of the "landscape".

So creepy, I tell you.

Oh, you wanna talk creepy? Try running into a statue of a dog wearing a freak-show of a dog costume.

Why can't they all be Charlie?

(It burns! It burns so badly!)

Prior to our encounters with dog statues representing various degrees of creepy, we ate at my favorite beach-town deli. I cannot for the life of me resist the veggie bagel with scallion cream cheese. And the fountain coke may have had just a tiny smidge of real coke in it. There was something in there. It was the best coke on the street.

It was so good, I took it to go, and for anyone who knows me, I'm a very low-volume drinker.

PS - Bad news. This is what I look like when my husband takes me out for the day.

On our way to lunch, on our way to the beach, we stopped by a quaint little fruit stand.

And bought some cherries.

(Why is it that the raspberries always get all the glory?)

And before that, we drove for miles without even turning the radio on. We kept the windows down. I asked Cory if he thought those people might call today and make an offer on our house.

It was heaven, this day.

(I'm on fire here, people!)

46 comments:

  1. Well, first of all, I am SURE you have slathered aloe vera gel all over your ba-dunk-a-dunk. Sesame oil is good for skin care as well. Secondly, I love the little shout-out to p-dub's dog. And, thirdly, my sister read The Help last year for her book club and she said it was a tough emotional read, but very VERY good. I am sure you will enjoy it. Also, we here love cherries too. Much better than raspberries.

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  2. I love it! That's one of my favorite things about people watching is picking up on conversations. Sounds like a fun belated birthday...minus the burn...I'm the same way though, it's almost impossible to not burn (I try to get away with calling it my base tan) base tans are supposed to be red.

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  3. You make me smile every time I visit!!!!

    Your photos of Lake Michigan look like Heaven to me! We are heading to Glen Arbor this weekend and I. cannot. wait.

    Pretzel M&M's?? Where have I been?

    I hope your sun burn turns a lovely shade of bronze very very soon!

    Happy Weekend!!!!:-))

    Melanie

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  4. Sounds like a great day. I too fell in love with The Help and just wrote about it yesterday. So good...Happy belated birthday day.

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  5. The Help is on my summer reading list too, can't wait!!! Glad you had a wonderful day at the beach!

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  6. You. KILL ME!
    So hilarious. I mean. really. I think we are pretend best friends, just because...you make me laugh like there's no tomorrow.
    HA
    HA
    HA!
    HAppy birthday. Late.

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  7. p.s. My husband LOVES theology books. They make my brain want to explode. He went through a certain theologian phase (I wont name names) and I actually started to irrationally hate said theologian, just because he was the topic of like, every conversation. If I had met this guy I would have yelled, "GET OUT OF MY MARRIAGE! STAY OUT OF MY LIFE!"
    I've recovered. Thank you.

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  8. Well that'll learn ya for not wearing sunscreen! Love ya kid!

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  9. Oh, you just make me laugh! So sorry about your burn...ouch! Hope you had a wonderful belated birthday:).

    ~Julia

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  10. okay so it's literally 12:40 a.m. over here. I'm having an impromptu sleepover with my little sister. It's dark. I say, "Hey want to see something funny" She says no. I make her read your blog anyway. She quits after two paragraphs. I force her to keep reading. We get to the part where Cory is a creepy photographer. We start to laugh. and LAUGH, and we get stuck on the yellow creepy dog. We cannot scroll down. We are crying. Laughing crying where your stomach hurts. We collect ourselves. Then the Raspberries come...and you buy cherries.
    WE are dead over here. You have slain us with this post. There might have been a smidge of real coke in it, it was that good.

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  11. It is a blessing (and at times a curse) to live in a country where I do not speak the language. I miss out on ALL the evesdropping. I have learned to read body language and context very well but I am pretty sure I would have missed this beach story completely. However had you been Bulgaria the young lady could have been missing the upper half of her "cute suit". Therefore the beach would NOT be the place I would choose to take
    my husband for MY birthday. :) (Or his either! LOL)
    You really know how to crack me up! Love you soooo much!!!!

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  12. loved your day- love the way you share it...i was giggling outa loud!!

    happy bday

    melissa...

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  13. Help really is such a great book! I'm glad you're reading it. I'm sure you're going to love it! (I did!).

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  14. you are all sorts of gorgessity.
    your day sounds absolutely perfect.
    happy birthday Shannan.
    ox
    Tara

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  15. Doesn't that book make you dream of caramel cake? It did for me. So I made one!

    Actually, I made three, but only the third one was worthy of eating (and blogging). Just remembering the book makes me hungry.

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  16. Ugh your photos made me sooooo homesick for South Haven, can't wait to get there next month. Blueberry everything here I come! Happy 4th!!!

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  17. So glad you had a dreamy Queen For A Day day. Sorry about your bun burn.....slap a bag of frozen peas on there and all will be well. Or at least numb.

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  18. You write beautifully! You should (seriously) consider a career in journalism, pen your own book, but something with words -- you have a way with them!

    "The Help" is simply fantastic! Read it and loved it!

    Pretzel M & M's??? I am off to the store...have a great weekend.

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  19. You kill me! haha Sorry about the burn but it is funny reading! I have suffered too many sunburns over the years being a redhead. Now I have switched to tan in a bottle but sometimes the ankle area is a little freakish. When it gets orange I like to call myself cinnamon Gram. Enjoy the weekend. I am so glad you had a fun day. I am thinking ,I love that Cory!! -

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  20. Happy belated day to you FPFG! Your day sounds lovely. By the way, my sweetie also hates sand and sun. We must plan all things around this quirk. I've been wanting to take Emma for a beach day so you will have to share where you like to go. I'm keeping my fingers crossed for an offer for you guys.

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  21. You crack me up! Especially that you know when to walk away from a principled ban! HA! That was great.

    I don't always comment but I check your blog every day and enjoy reading. :)

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  22. Happy belated Birthday! Glad you had a fun day on the beach doing exactly what you wanted to do. I say amen to the child free days/weeks once in a while for your own health and safety! You look pretty great for a beach day(sorry about the burn). Hope your house sells soon.

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  23. Happy Belated Birthday! I always laugh when I read your posts - you have the best way of describing even the most normal of events. Sounds like your day was fabulous - sometimes you gotta leave the kids and have an adventure on your own.
    Enjoy your weekend and your offer will come once you stop thinking about it. It's when you least expect it that the perfect new owner shows up.
    Sarah xo

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  24. You are killing me lady! I am a big people watcher - I always listen in and form my own opinions and it cracks me up! So glad you had a wonderful day & I too can't get over the new Bachelor news!

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  25. Where do you get pretzel M&M's?? I need to get out more. BUT. I'm afraid I'd be one shade tree over (from your hubby) if I'd go to the beach.

    Can't do it. I'd burn,burn, burn - too.

    Glad you had a good time. Happy Belated Birthday.

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  26. Sounds like you had a fabulous day minus the pain from you sunburn. I can totally relate to your pain of sunburning your back side! Why is it that we never learn our lesson when it come to catching some sun! :)

    Kelli
    xoxo

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  27. Tell me tell me! What did US Magazine say about Ali? Is she engaged? I saw that issue at the store yesterday, but couldn't find the article fast enough before it was my turn at the register!

    Your day sounds PERFECT. I'm so glad you had the perfect day for your birthday! Hope your burn is better today! :)

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  28. I've been stalking your blog for a little while now but this post was so dang funny to me that I just had to comment. I loved The Help. Did you? And I'm sorry about your sun burn, but it sounds like it was totally worth it. I've never been to Lake MI even though it's only 2 hours away, but if you can have that much fun, I'm going. Happy b. bday!

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  29. Oh a kid free day at a beach no less, dreamy! :)

    Loved, The Help, enjoy it!

    I also often ban celebrity news mags and then on vacation I never fail to read one or four.

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  30. Oh I hope someone DOES call and make an offer on your house sweetie!

    Happy 4th.

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  31. Happy belated birthday to you!!! sounds like a wonderful day and I hope someone does call and make you an offer on your house!!!

    Have a wonderful weekend!

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  32. Sorry about the burn. Are you looking for a treatment? We have a bottle of Panama Jack After Sun Burn Relief. I is packaged with a childproof cap! (lidocaine) it is WONDERFUL, I TELL YOU! SIMPLY FABULOUS! purchased it at wal-mart probably 4 years ago for $9 and the price nearly killed me... but we keep "jack" in the fridge door so he stays nice and chilly... so exhilirating and refreshing on crispy skin.

    Anywho, happy late birthday :) a bit of time sans munchkins is always a treat in and of itself.

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  33. I am a total beach girl too. And I LOVED The Help. I was so sad when it was over and missed those characters so much! My Mom and I still discuss them as though we're wondering what they're up to these days. Enjoy. :)

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  34. My hubby gets happy after a couple hours away too... funny how they relax like that! and I too burn myself always One good one ... then I remember... =) since we only have 2 1/2 months of sun it is hard to remember! ha ha!
    Hope your um... ya know.. feels better soon! =)

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  35. what a fun way to spend your day - i love it!
    i would have knit & t would have slept next to me. it sounds like such a plan. i need to know where the yummy place to eat is, we're going up there this weekendish! we've never stopped to eat when we're up there. all you have to say is they've got good coke & i'm all over it:)

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  36. I loved The Help. I hope you enjoy it too.

    Sounds like you too had a perfect day.

    My kids and I drove past the beach at Lake Michigan today but we were not prepared to stop (no sunscreen or bathing suits) and I didn't want to pay to park to only put our feet in the lake. I feel like a bad mom, but I will take them back someday. :-)

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  37. I have been obsessed with the Pretzel M&M's since I discovered them. Someone at the Mars candy company deserves a raise! Love me some sweet and salty! Happy belated birthday!!

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  38. The best quote said to me... by a cute elderly lady...in a gift shop...in Bonita Beach, Florida...circa 1986...
    "Honey, your Lake Michigan is just as good as any old ocean...don't you forget it!"
    I haven't forgotten it!

    M.E.

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  39. HAPPY BIRTHDAY! it's a day to treasure. Good for you.

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  40. Happy Birthday to you....that day sounds perfect!!!
    {well except the burning part}...

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  41. Flirty pants needs some ice cubes down his britches!!

    Sorry about the burn... hate it when that happens.

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  42. Just please tell me Corco didn't have on Speedos and I can live with the image. Shanny - this is the best post in the history of Blogger. Laughed all the way through. You are my bosom friend. Now - do you trust me? What you need to do is to sit your buns down in a rather hot bath tub. It will burn like you are on fire for just a few seconds, and then you will be pain free. If this doesn't work for you, I apologize in advance for torturing you even more - but it works for me EVERY time - in fact, my bath is running whilst I type this - as I've spent the last 11 hours in the yard. Please help me. There is a cure for this disease. I need help. Professional kind. It's the summer - I'm supposed to be lounging with cold drinks and bbq. OK - sorry - OH and we have got to get the 411 on the Jake and Vienna split shocker. People magazine said 'Jake didn't trust her". I didn't get to read the article though cause the line was moving too fast at the grocery store. And on the heels of the head reeling that they've split - I hear Ali has chosen no one. NO ONE! Not even Roberto. I'm not sure what this world is coming too Shan.

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  43. you are hilarious. so glad that i found your blog. LOVE witty writing.... and you've got it on lock, girl! :)

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  44. I'm glad you got your day away :) and a week of no preschoolers! Heavenly.

    And seriously, why haven't we been to the beach together - kids in tow on not - lets do it!

    P.S. Hope your buns aren't still burnin!

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  45. Hey is that sliver Beach?....Love st. Joseph michigan...some good stores there also....and happy belated birthday....

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