Sunday, July 25, 2010

A Corner

I have not been to a single flea market this Summer. Not one. single. time.

I think part of it has to do with my heart changing about this sort of thing lately, but I'm not going to pretend that I have no desire to get my junk on. I won't pretend for a second that there's anything wrong with a little flea action.

Finally, today, the fleas aligned and I was Allegan bound.

Until yesterday.

Yesterday I was served a double-dip of devastating news, with a side-car of stomachache.

The stomachache alone would not have stopped me. I didn't puke, after all. A stomachache isn't real unless puke is involved. And I haven't puked in TWELVE years. Twelve. 12. Read it and weep. (And yes, feel sorry for me that this is what I have to brag about.)

Then I got a phone call, piggybacked on an email, which translated into buckets of tears and two more raspy-voiced phone calls.

Everything is fine in this house. These worries are not my own. But they involve a couple of the people I love best, so they really are kind of my own. That's what we do - we share burdens. We take on the pain of another. With proximity playing a role, I am able to carry just a tiny corner, but that little corner is deceptively cumbersome. I lost sleep last night, thinking of two who were losing sleep in other zip codes.

I called of the flea.

I spent my morning, instead, awash in new tears while sitting first in a metal folding chair and then in a wooden pew.

I cried over loss and confusion and loneliness. I cried over safety and love and acceptance. Faith. Hope. Sad mingling with joy, sharing a path down my cheeks.

There is no place I would rather have been today. Fun as it is, sipping a lemon shake-up, hugging fleaish friends, would not have lightened my load. A cart of finds would not have carried a corner of my corner.

I sit with my back to a near-dark sky and my heart aches more than it did a couple of hours ago. That's how it always works, isn't it? Hurt can't hide so well in shadows.

While this may seem a little here-nor-there, I want to share something I stumbled upon just a few nights ago, with the help of my Lovely - Becks.

It will take up less than 10 minutes of your time. It is worth it. Here's a lady who grew tired of carrying life on her shoulders, alone.

Ann Rice - author of Interview With A Vampire, to name just one: (if the video keep stopping to buffer, push pause for a couple of seconds and try again!)