Wednesday, May 5, 2010

Garden Day Gone Horribly, Terribly Awry

Today was Garden Day in Walnut Grove.

I don't really live in Walnut Grove, but I might as well.

Nothing too exciting ever happens around here, unless you consider a new variety of cheese at Grandma's Pantry exciting.

Which, by the way, we do.

We spend the morning shoveling and plowing. Sprinkles showed up, but we paid them no mind. It was all rather placid and idyllic, gardening in the mist.

But then trouble slithered into town.

I detest snakes. And they know it, and they purposely show up around here, from time to time.

I tore out all of the vinca vine because they were prone to hiding in it. I couldn't bear the thought. I couldn't weed the blasted vinca.

It turns out, the little people are rather charmed by the snakes.

You heard me right - SnakeS.

Next thing you know, that bad dude Peer Pressure strode 'round the bend.

And things spiraled frighteningly out of control.

His head kept coming near my face... Only now do I see that he was smooching my neck!

I can only speak for myself, but my life would have been complete without a snake neck smooch.

Step. Away. From. My. FAAAAAAAACE!

At last, help arrived.

Now that's a garden-day face only a snake could love...

I don't care what they say about you, Mister. I don't like ya.

Never have. Never will.

And for the love of all - couldn't you have at least been a gentleman?

Moral of the story: Be very, very afraid of your husband's high school buddies who do not have wives to talk sense into them.

Dang you, Brad. Dang you!