Wednesday, March 24, 2010

What's A Girl To Do When The Clouds Part the Very Next Day?

Here's what this girl did - she thanked Jesus. She asked Him to forgive her doubting heart. She walked around tearless, with a smile. She felt a little silly, truth be told.

Days 2 and 3 (Monday and today) have taken a near one hundred eighty degree turn from the previous days. Well, except for the sleepless nights part, but I'll take a happy baby over sleep for now. He is eating so well, he's interacting happily with his brother and sister. He's snuggling up to his Mama. He's cracking us up.

With every fiber of my sweatpants, I know y(our) prayers have been heard.

I'm not naive enough to believe that it's all sunshine and peonies from here on out. Where would the redemption be if life worked that way?

I believe that it was necessary for us to see, feel, hear his pain. I may have never believed it had I not witnessed it for myself. I may never have understood the brutal reality of his loss, and even the losses of Calvin and Ruby.

I am thankful for that glimpse, although of course, it's much easier to say that now that some of the fog has lifted.

It's so scary to face pain and uncertainty all the while knowing that God is in it. Ultimately, it is comforting, but to me it's also a little unsettling to be reminded that I still have so much room to grow. I always wish, in those moments, that I had figured these life lessons out in a more mundane way, but of course, life doesn't work that way, either.

I want to thank you, yet again, my friends, for lifting me up in what truly were some of my darkest hours. Each comment dripped peace into my soul. I could feel your prayers and I carried them with me. I stirred them into my morning tea, I scattered them across the pillow that was sure to remain smooth and unwrinkled.

I am learning over these past months how much we were created to need one another. And I'm learning that the servants cannot serve unless they know there is need in the first place. Then, before long, we all play musical chairs, we take a seat, and we lift up the one left standing.

Well, for now, I'm still standing. So here's what you can pray for - we are in need of sleep. We are averaging 2 hours a night and even those hours are interrupted by outburts of Korean jibber-jabber or commotion from the little people living upstairs.

I am waking up grumpy and taking it out on the sweeties who sleep at night and wake at daybreak. There have been no smiles served up with the oatmeal, and we all know oatmeal isn't half as good without a smile.

In other news - our computer is being repaired tomorrow and after that - a deluge of Korean photos. Consider yourselves warned.