Wednesday, March 24, 2010

What's A Girl To Do When The Clouds Part the Very Next Day?

Here's what this girl did - she thanked Jesus. She asked Him to forgive her doubting heart. She walked around tearless, with a smile. She felt a little silly, truth be told.

Days 2 and 3 (Monday and today) have taken a near one hundred eighty degree turn from the previous days. Well, except for the sleepless nights part, but I'll take a happy baby over sleep for now. He is eating so well, he's interacting happily with his brother and sister. He's snuggling up to his Mama. He's cracking us up.

With every fiber of my sweatpants, I know y(our) prayers have been heard.

I'm not naive enough to believe that it's all sunshine and peonies from here on out. Where would the redemption be if life worked that way?

I believe that it was necessary for us to see, feel, hear his pain. I may have never believed it had I not witnessed it for myself. I may never have understood the brutal reality of his loss, and even the losses of Calvin and Ruby.

I am thankful for that glimpse, although of course, it's much easier to say that now that some of the fog has lifted.

It's so scary to face pain and uncertainty all the while knowing that God is in it. Ultimately, it is comforting, but to me it's also a little unsettling to be reminded that I still have so much room to grow. I always wish, in those moments, that I had figured these life lessons out in a more mundane way, but of course, life doesn't work that way, either.

I want to thank you, yet again, my friends, for lifting me up in what truly were some of my darkest hours. Each comment dripped peace into my soul. I could feel your prayers and I carried them with me. I stirred them into my morning tea, I scattered them across the pillow that was sure to remain smooth and unwrinkled.

I am learning over these past months how much we were created to need one another. And I'm learning that the servants cannot serve unless they know there is need in the first place. Then, before long, we all play musical chairs, we take a seat, and we lift up the one left standing.

Well, for now, I'm still standing. So here's what you can pray for - we are in need of sleep. We are averaging 2 hours a night and even those hours are interrupted by outburts of Korean jibber-jabber or commotion from the little people living upstairs.

I am waking up grumpy and taking it out on the sweeties who sleep at night and wake at daybreak. There have been no smiles served up with the oatmeal, and we all know oatmeal isn't half as good without a smile.

In other news - our computer is being repaired tomorrow and after that - a deluge of Korean photos. Consider yourselves warned.

105 comments:

  1. Bless your hearts. All of you. Still praying.

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  2. I am so happy for you and your beautiful family! We have prayed for you! He looks so cute! I can't wait to see the God given angel! Family, Finally! That is what Silas has! ~lulu

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  3. Shannan,
    You are a true inspiration. I am so happy for you! I can't wait for the pictures!! Please post all of them!
    I will be still praying for you and your family and thinking of you everyday!
    Take Care,
    Maria

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  4. Praise You God!! I am so thrilled that this progress has been made. It will continue and how awesome that will be.

    I do pray for sweet sleep for you all tonight. Rest in Him, little one...

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  5. That is the sweetest picture ever. Big sigh of relief for you all. I'm so happy you've been able to enjoy your little boy these last few days. What a blessing to have things begin to come together for your family.

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  6. So happy to hear you are all doing better. I've been thinking about you and praying for your family. Can't wait to see the pictures!

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  7. Shannan, Shannan, Shannan! This...THIS...is what I've been waiting all day for. I didn't know quite the cause of this restless waiting, but now I know that today's breath-holding was for these words and this mama/son photo. It feels good to breathe and have my heart float back up to its normal, unsunk spot in my chest.

    Thank-you, Jesus!!!!

    Are those eyelashes for real?!? He is gorgeous! I don't know how much more my heart can take!

    Praying for sleep, sweet sleep and sincere, morning, oatmeal-smiles.

    Oh, wait, now I'm holding my breath again for more pictures...


    LOVE!!!
    Jody

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  8. I have been visiting the last few days with a knot in my tummy. Whew! The look on your face says it all. And geez sister, you look pretty darn good for averaging the 2 hours a night. Truth be told I am just now starting to see some form of normal sleep since weaning Abby. She is now officially 2 and 1 month and she still wakes up here an there in the night. Goodness, I am just so relieved for you. I am just DYING to see the pictures of Korea. Sending you wishes and prayers for peaceful sleeps from all. I am eager to hear how Silas responded to his brother and sister, especially to Calvin. It must be a strange thing to go from seeing a certain type of face and features your whole little life to a new one. I love living this journey through you. God picked you so that you could so eloquently describe the ride.

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  9. So happy. We had no problems bringing Joe home, but he was only 2 months. Jesse however was a different story. He was 5 months and was very much attached to his primary care giver. It was brutial for the first few weeks, but consistant love and calmness won through. Just hang in there and calm is the key! That photo of the two of you is amazing.
    God is so good.

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  10. I just read your last several posts of your journey to get your newest son. How beautiful His Love is. You will know Him more intimately through this...because we come to know Him in the fellowship of His suffering. Silas is suffering and you are suffering with him...but love is in the midst of it...he will come to know your love(and HIS love)and you will come to know greater love. And so I say 'how beautiful His love is'.

    And just so you know, you look beautiful in this pic holding your new son. I know you have had little sleep, but you have that pure glow of beauty, and one day you will look back on this photo and see that too. How precious you are.

    God bless your little family.

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  11. The most wonderful news. I am so glad I checked in on you before heading to bed!!!

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  12. WHOO HOO! I, too, feel a burden lifted . . . (it's amazing, isn't it, this story touches all of us! and such a blessing it is to feel touched!)

    The greatest of these is Love! And Love never fails!
    God is LOVE!

    Thank You, God!

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  13. I will say it again, my dear...YOU have a beautiful family.

    In Poland, at Sweet Surrender Coffee Shop, the staff have been praying for you and your new little one. Peace, love, and most of all SLEEP!

    Keep writing!
    Hugs,
    Rhonda

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  14. It's so nice to hear that Silas is adjusting! You're sweet spirit sounds like it's rebounded nicely! Blogland is a strange place; even though we've never met, I have felt your pain and been praying with you! I know that you will be such a blessing in Silas' life, just as he will be in yours!

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  15. Amen! I can go to work this morning with a lighter heart. We'll keep praying!

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  16. Giving thanks to Jesus with a grateful heart! I will pray for your good night's sleep and some naps too!! He is beautiful...bring on the onslaught of pictures. We can take it!!Thank you for sharing the journey with us. xoxo

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  17. That picture of you and your baby boy is priceless! Truly brought tears to my eyes. I am so happy that your seeing some light at the end of the tunnel......like I said before, God doesn't give us more then we can handle.....but boy does he test us at times! Can't wait to see pics of the little guy with his new forever family!
    Will continue to lift you and your entire family in my prayers:)

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  18. Hallelujah, Hallelujah!! Bring on those pictures...we can't wait. It won't be long before sweet sleep will follow. Every mother knows your (yawn) pain.

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  19. Such good news! And what a beautiful picture of the two of you.
    I will be at the shop the rest of the week, but will be available to you next week if you need me.

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  20. Praise God from whom all blessings flow!!!
    I'll keep praying of course, esp for more Zzzzzzs. And I can't wait to see more pictures. He's so beautiful!

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  21. P.s. "I stirred them into my morning tea, I scattered them across the pillow that was sure to remain smooth and unwrinkled." ???????

    You're killing me here. Watch out E. Berg. :)

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  22. A beautiful touching photo and post. God is so good! He has heard the prayers of many. Pray that you and your family have a blessed day and peaceful sleep.

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  23. this is a beautiful post!!!! you have made me smile, and there wasn't even oatmeal! love, love, love this post. still praying!

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  24. And so....... The storm has passed.

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  25. I stumbled upon your blog several days ago and have been riveted ever since. Last night while cleaning up from dinner I was praying for you and thinking about how your yearnings to connect to your son is how our Heavenly Father yearns after our hearts. Through your struggles, God has taught me, a lonely housewife in Pennsylvania, a HUGE lesson. Thank you for opening your heart, sharing your vulnerabilities, and being such and inspiration to me. I rejoice with you and will continue to pray that God's strength is yours. Much love, Kathryn Endy

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  26. I've been out of blogland for a bit and am catching up on your story. How beautiful and precious. It has left me speechless. The picture you posted has to be one of the most beautiful I have seen.
    Blessings to you and your family...and your sleep too :)

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  27. I'm continuing to think good thoughts about your family and little Silas. Sometimes it's so hard to remember that so much of life isn't about the outcome, it's about the moment-by-moments in the process of living each day. I"m so proud of you (and your hubby) for taking on such a selfless task, and even more proud that you can recognize and embrace your new son's pain as he adjusts to his new mama and papa. He will realize as he grows, as your other beauties will as well, that they were CHOSEN. What a unique perspective on life and our significance in it.

    God's peace to your whole family.

    And in my book, oatmeal is nectar from the gods whether served with a smile or not :)

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  28. Shannan - so glad to hear this awesome news! You'll all continue to be in my prayers! Lovely writing, by the way.

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  29. If there is one thing that our God is not, it is "mundane." I guess we would never grasp the amazing depth of His love if we didn't experience pain once in a while. How thrilled I am to hear that Silas (I do love that name...it's my own son's too) is beginning to acclimate and turn to you in love. Praying for sleep!

    Alison

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  30. Oh thank goodness, I'm so happy for you (;
    (((Hugs))) Kelly

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  31. I love the picture! Bring them on! :) I'm so glad things are going better. Not to sound stalkerish, but I was talking to my husband about your family last night. Afterwards, I told him how weird it is to be discussing people from their blogs in real life. However, you guys have been in my thoughts and prayers this week.

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  32. Wonderful!! I am so happy to see this!

    xoxo,

    lynn

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  33. What a beautiful post and a testiment to Love. Your son is a doll and the picture of the two of you together is so precious.

    Continued prayers to you and your family. Believe in God's love. Life is Good!

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  34. beautiful beautiful post ~ I love that picture of you too...and what a wonderful testimony:)

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  35. What a beautiful picture and a beautiful post as you continue to share this amazing story with us.

    I will be praying for that much needed sleep.

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  36. hey shannan, I haven't been online the past few days, but I have been praying for you...I am feeling for you so much and am thrilled to read this new post, that you are seeing some sunshine!! God is so good! He will replace your doubts with peace...and please know there are so many prayers being lifted up for you all...and God IS listening.

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  37. The moment I opened your blog this morning I cried. That picture brought me to tears. Call it pregnancy hormones if you want, but that picture was exactly what we have all been praying for. Much love to you Shannan and your amazing courage. Silas is beautiful.
    -Timi

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  38. Well, AMEN sista! :) :)

    I'll keep praying for some much needed sleep for you guys!

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  39. Oh, I am so happy for you! God answers all our prayers, sometimes in ways we don't like too much but He is good and faithful. There is always a lesson to learn isn't there?

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  40. PRAISE GOD ALMIGHTY!!! Oh such good news. May your pillow become creased and wrinkled today. Still lifting you up:)

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  41. I want u to know I have been following your blog just before Ben and Trish lost little Kylee. I was at the viewing and I picked you out nad didn't say a thing. I have been praying for u and I was broken when u wrote about meeting little Silas the first time so I was glad to see this post this morning. We to are in adoption process and hopefully soon will be on the road to picking up our children. Pray God's will for us. We are older parents and want to provide, love and cherish these two children as God only knows. Blessings to u!!!

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  42. When I saw your smiling face in the thumbnail picture, my heart sang!
    You have been on my mind constantly.
    You are so right about the musical chairs we play in life.
    May Mercy, Grace and Peace walk with your family today.
    And lots of rest.
    Love to you all from Texas.

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  43. Yippee!!!!
    Renee in Austin

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  44. YAY God!! I am crying for you all again this morning, but it's happy tears this time. :) Congratulations on your new beautiful family and I know the blessings will continue to flow. We're still praying for you... hope you get some rest!!

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  45. JOY! and prayers for sleep...
    xoxTara

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  46. SO so glad to hear this!!!
    and the picture...♥

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  47. So happy to read this blog! God is good! Praying things keep going smoothly. Also praying for restful sleep! It is so hard to function w/out it!! I love how quickly God answers some prayers! It's like you learned what He wanted to show you so He replaces the storm with sunshine!
    Hugs to you!

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  48. What a beautiful sight! A smile on your face and your son in your arms! AMEN!

    xo,
    Melanie

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  49. I sit here with tears in my eyes - what a precious photo you shared today! I can't wait to see more! Praise God - he is great! I will pray for more hours of rest in the night :)

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  50. Most beautiful post to date. I don't have a blog but follow yours. My heart melted when you wrote about "still having room to grow". I love the fact that God is always showing us something new about ourselves. You are an amazing MOM and individual and will be blessed beyond your understanding. Thanks for sharing your precious heart.

    KJ

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  51. Aw, what a beautiful pic and post. I am glad Silas is easing into the family. I know it must have been very confusing for him, but he will know that he is loved.

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  52. Great news that ray of sunshine! That darling head and peek of a face had my girls head over heels this morning with lots of awwws and promises of adoption when they are grown. How are the kidlets handling the new guy? Do they realize he's staying. Fovever. I hope sleep will soon be a part of your new routine!

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  53. I am always inspired by your writing. Some absolutely beautiful images come to mind. God has placed you on my heart these last few weeks, and I loved seeing a picture of you smiling. Praying for rest for everyone!

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  54. I have tried to leave several prayers for you here but each time I either get interrupted or kicked off line or or or.
    I just want you to know that I'm dancing in my office for your/His victory right now and praying for continued perseverance.
    "He who was seated on the throne said, "I am making everything new!" Then he said, 'Write this down, for these words are trustworthy and true.'" Revelation 21:5

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  55. I knew in my heart he would come around, he had to with that amazing family you have created!! this post has honestly made my day..I am all smiles for you...and as far as sleep goes, I pray you get some much needed rest, and remember this too is only temporary, so smile because years from now you will be wishing for wee ones and sleepless nights!! That photo is just precious and so is your heart...now bring on the photos!

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  56. oh, p.s. the song over the rainbow is playing as I read your post and I think it fits just perfectly...

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  57. I am new reader, just a month really, i want to thank you for showing me what faith is, its been awhile for me. You have opened your heart to the readers here and I am gratful and I am changing.

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  58. So happy that some of the clouds have parted for you guys -- we'll keep the prayers coming though! And thank you, for sharing your story with all of us.

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  59. yeaaahhH!!!! how amazing to have it all coming together so quickly!! he is absolutely precious!

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  60. What a cutie! I can see the silver lining coming....xo

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  61. Sis,
    There is a light at the end of the tunnel and God seems to have lead you to it. We too thank Jesus for carrying you through this time, and even the times to come. He is "I AM".
    We'll keep praying here on our end, and you keep writing and posting pic's on your end.
    I love you,
    Lil Sis

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  62. Shannan~I love reading your blog, I truly think you are the best Mom out there, really! He is a doll! I have been thinking of you for a while now and am wishing you and your family all the best! Melaine

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  63. How precious! I've been praying, knowing God is faithful, but to hear how He has answered is so wonderful! Thank you for sharing with us so we can share with you.

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  64. You are so beautiful, inside and out. There will be ups and downs but your love for each other will pull you through. So glad things are getting better. Sleep is so needed. I tell my kids when they have newborns to do whatever works to get that sleep. Good luck. I can't wait to see the pictures. I love this one of you and your son. ((((HUGS)))

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  65. So happy to read and see that you had a better day. I believe that adoption is a calling, and your children are blessed to have you, and you are blessed to have them. Praying all the wrinkles of life get ironed out soon.

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  66. So very happy that yesterday was a better day!!
    we will continue to pray for you!!
    God is good... all the time.. God is good!!

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  67. Can't wait to see the pictures and so grateful for the answered prayer you are experiencing! YaY God!

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  68. Hurray! I cried with every post you put up during this process and couldn't sleep after your day 1 post. I was so burdened to pray for you and for Silas and for the healing of his little spirit. I'm so thankful to Jesus for what He is doing in all of you! I cannot wait to see pictures!:)

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  69. I am so happy to read this. I have been thinking about you guys so much. I love the photo. Thanks for the sneak peek.

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  70. Glory! That is the most beautiful picture we've ever seen posted on our dear Farmgirl blog yet. Praying for your rest. Bless you.

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  71. that sweet little picture just renewed my day. blessing to you all!!

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  72. I've only recently became a follower of your blog, after reading of the hardship that's been allowed in your life. I praise God for giving comfort to my unknown sister out there... PRAISE HIS NAME...
    I'm praying he lavishes love and rest upon you... Blessings!

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  73. Wow, that's great news, his little head & precious eyes, can't wait to see more photos... thanks for sharing this moment of your lives. we are blessed in this too-
    so wonderful-

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  74. Haven't been around here in a while - so great to catch up on the exciting happenings on your growing family.

    Hugs, prayers and blessings on you all from N Ireland :)

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  75. I believe in you...we all do!
    I will pray for sleep for you and your husband.
    xoxo

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  76. I will continue to lift you up. I wish I lived closer to help, I'd be there :)

    XOXO

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  77. Praise God! So glad to hear things are getting better. I'll be praying that you will get your sweet self all rested up so you can enjoy your precious family and serve the oatmeal with a smile. Can't wait to see the pics!

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  78. So glad to hear it! This makes my heart happy. I'll keep praying for you guys!

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  79. Shannan...I have been meaning to leave encouraging words the last few days but alas, typing from my phone has kept me from it.

    First, I have been praying. Praying that your little guy would experience the peace of his Heavenly Father. Praying your mamas heart would be comforted. And praying that out of this your little family would be grown in a newer, deeper way.

    So excited to see your post today and find out that all of these things are beginning to bloom!!!

    Second, my husband and I were so grateful for you explicit posts about the days you spent in Korea...as we prayerfully consider this road of adoption the Lord has put on our hearts we have to admit, there is no reality about it for us yet. And it was incredibly sobering to see, through your adoption of Silas, what an adoption looks like in practicality.

    We'll continue to be praying for you, this time of adjustment, and all that it ahead of you!!!

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  80. Praising God! HE will sustain us through it all.

    Keisha & I were discussing how God has given you a gift of being able to share life's moments (the good and the hard) so eloquently and praise His name through it. Thank you for sharing your gift that we may all be encouraged.

    *Quick note on the language barrier…
    1. Silas will learn quickly being so young
    2. Use pictures if having trouble figuring what he needs/wants - e-mail me if you have any questions. I had some training in Picture Exchange Communication System (PECS) and would love to share some tips with you, if you think it would help your days go smoother

    Praying for your sweet family.
    -Barbara

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  81. Oh my goodness! I am so excited for all of you! I too have been waiting and checking your blog on an almost hourly basis for more! Shannan, my Dad always told me that the things we go through in life are not for ourselves but for others. We are called to sharpen those around us, iron sharpening iron. So by you being the strong woman of God that you are and letting us in to your trials you have sharpened us. So thank you for that! I have only one word to describe your post today........ YEAAAAAAaaaaaaaaaaaaa
    Be blessed dear cousin of mine!

    ~Love ya, Lezlie

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  82. I have not been around lately because of too much going on. What an amazing surprise to see what has happened in your life these last fews days. Congratulations on the addition of your new son to the family. You and your husband are now offically out numbered. All the best, Lori

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  83. so glad to get the time to catch up with your blog...those last couple of posts broke my heart, but in a good way! fear and doubt can be so big, but thankfully God is MUCH MUCH bigger. it's wonderful to hear how your days are looking up! i'll be praying for your nights too...

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  84. That's the sweetest picture ever! I've been praying, even though I haven't been commenting lately. I know what you mean about the musical chairs - I was lifted up and encouraged by so many fellow bloggers over the past week while my dad was fighting for his life. He's in recovery after an unexpected open heart surgery and I am feeling the "this to shall pass" sense of relief. I'm glad you are finding relief too, and I'll pray for you to get some sleep!

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  85. Fabulous! Just fabulous! I will continue to pray :)

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  86. What a Beautiful picture:) Praying for you and your family!

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  87. Just prayed for you that you would have a restful night. They will return, it is just so hard to remember that when you are so sleep deprived. I well remember the days and weeks following the births of my girls. I craved sleep all the time.
    Bring on the flood of pictures, I can't wait to see them!

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  88. Read with tears in my eyes and a lump in my throat...

    SO GRATEFUL for answered prayers!!!

    Praying for sweet dreams all around!

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  89. Well said to the above "Praise God from whom all blessings flow". Perfectly spoken.

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  90. Into a precious vessel, God pours tenderness and love, An understanding heart,and All the joy a child dreams of.... He gives her His compassion and a kindness like no other, Then wraps her in His quiet strength and gently calls her MOTHER.
    B.J
    Silas... Individually crafted, with the compliments of our Creator.

    So happy for your little family! Keeping you in prayer.
    Marcele

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  91. Just consider these trials your labor pains. The Bible says "A woman when she is in travail hath sorrow, because her hour is come: but as soon as she is delvered of the child, she remembereth no more the anguish, for joy that a man is born into the world. John 16:21
    This truely does apply. God bless you and your beutiful new boy.

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  92. I forgot to comment on this yesterday, so let me be comment #93, I guess. :) I don't have much more to add since everyone has already expressed my sentiments. However, let me just say that Jessica is right, watch out Eli Berg! I had the same thought the other day when you were in Korea writing about your internal furniture settling. That smacks of Eli so much! And I love this photo of you and Silas. LOVE IT!

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  93. He was created for your arms and heart!! Why did we doubt? Of us of little faith. Gam loves you Si!

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  94. You are truly blessed....even through all the hurt.

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  95. You amaze me so much. You are truly gifted as a writer and so much more as a mother. Thank you for sharing your journey with us all. I pray that your new son will soon come to see how wonderful you all are. My heart goes out to him everytime I read about his grief. Keep on going and know that I was truly blessed reading your posts today.

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  96. Just scrolling to the bottom of your comments to leave my own... shows me the love of God! So beautiful the community of those who love Christ Jesus! I am having a weary week myself... and it just blesses me to see your heart after God! God is so much bigger than our worries... why do we doubt that!~! =) Bet you had no idea you would encourage some of us or me anyway! while sharing your anxieties! Makes me Happy to see that sweet happy boy in your arms!

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  97. So happy things are looking up for you, that the sun is starting to peek through. I can't imagine what little Silas is going through, but I am so happy that there is a family like you guys to help him through it!

    Michelle

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  98. i just recently started following your blog and am so happy i found you. you are such a beautiful soul and a brilliant writer. may God continue to bless your family, especially sweet Silas, as he continues to grow and bloom in his new home. sending prayers your way from south carolina!

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  99. You will continue to be in my thoughts and prayers. What a beautiful picture today. He is gorgeous! Know that there will be shadows and rain ahead, but there will many days of rainbows too. Izzy was 8 months when we brought her home from China, and we've had many a scary night of just gut-wrenching crying in her sleep. Hold him close...
    julie

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  100. This is so wonderful to here the joy coming through now!

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  101. you are such a blessing to this world!

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  102. Back in town, and catching up with you.....oh Shan, your words are a balm to me...and that picture of you and Silas....seriously, no words can describe the love that is in your face. So blessed to know you. xo

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  103. Wow. I can not imagine what that was like for your family.

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