Wednesday, December 2, 2009

Who Says Brevity is the Soul of Wit?

OK, in hindsight, my post from yesterday may have been a bit lengthy. A bit "prosey", in the words of my much-revered former boss.

Ya'll are saintly to have read it, though I'm no Spring chicken -- I know it was more of a "scanner" than a "reader".

Let's face it - sometimes "scanning" is a handy and necessary skill. Like today, when I realized that I don't really like the book I'm reading. I had hope that it would improve momentarily, so I skimmed. I scanned. My eyes flew over the text, cherry-picking only the key words and phrases.

I still didn't like it. Even though my best girl Sarah did.

Oh man, she's gonna book-break-up with me. I've already begun to notice the warning signs. She thinks I'm becoming too picky, and maybe I am, but what's a girl to do? It all started when I read Clarence Thomas's autobiography over the Summer. I don't know how it happened, but the fiction I've read since then has been bland. And unnecessarily complicated. And annoying.

Joyce Carol Oates, can't you just write in coherent sentences? Might there be another way of emphasizing the emotional maladies of your protagonist? Shish.

This is what happens, friends. I have such good intentions of brevity. I promise myself that this post will be different.

But the proof is in the pudding - I'm a word junky. When it comes to typing, I can't shut my trap. Maybe I need to talk more in real life? Maybe that would bring me balance and you relief?

I'm open to suggestions.

Now, an experiment.

My day, in 10 lines or less:

1. My leg and butt "muscles" are crying out.
2. I want to take up semi-permanent residence in a Chop Shop salad restaurant.

3. Goat cheese is my love language.
4. Never trust a person who can't appreciate a roasted beet.
5. I enjoy walking in a misty rain.
6. I'm SICK of hearing Tiger's alleged voice mail.
7. I successfully averted a wardrobe crisis of catastrophic proportions.
8. I hate explaining my job to people.
9. I love watching Cory in his element and am willing to sit through extraordinarily boring dinners to do so, as long as I'm fed really well.
10. I have wanted to try puttanesca sauce ever since reading Belong to Me and finally had the opportunity to do so.

Dang. I'm out of lines. And this is the most important one, so just read my mind here. Go ahead, rub your temples. I've heard it helps...

What I wish I could say but will not say has to do with these two little sweetie-pies. I haven't seen them in 2 days and it's been great and all, but, well, you know....Just read I between miss the them lines.