Wednesday, December 2, 2009

Who Says Brevity is the Soul of Wit?

OK, in hindsight, my post from yesterday may have been a bit lengthy. A bit "prosey", in the words of my much-revered former boss.

Ya'll are saintly to have read it, though I'm no Spring chicken -- I know it was more of a "scanner" than a "reader".

Let's face it - sometimes "scanning" is a handy and necessary skill. Like today, when I realized that I don't really like the book I'm reading. I had hope that it would improve momentarily, so I skimmed. I scanned. My eyes flew over the text, cherry-picking only the key words and phrases.

I still didn't like it. Even though my best girl Sarah did.

Oh man, she's gonna book-break-up with me. I've already begun to notice the warning signs. She thinks I'm becoming too picky, and maybe I am, but what's a girl to do? It all started when I read Clarence Thomas's autobiography over the Summer. I don't know how it happened, but the fiction I've read since then has been bland. And unnecessarily complicated. And annoying.

Joyce Carol Oates, can't you just write in coherent sentences? Might there be another way of emphasizing the emotional maladies of your protagonist? Shish.

This is what happens, friends. I have such good intentions of brevity. I promise myself that this post will be different.

But the proof is in the pudding - I'm a word junky. When it comes to typing, I can't shut my trap. Maybe I need to talk more in real life? Maybe that would bring me balance and you relief?

I'm open to suggestions.

Now, an experiment.

My day, in 10 lines or less:

1. My leg and butt "muscles" are crying out.
2. I want to take up semi-permanent residence in a Chop Shop salad restaurant.

3. Goat cheese is my love language.
4. Never trust a person who can't appreciate a roasted beet.
5. I enjoy walking in a misty rain.
6. I'm SICK of hearing Tiger's alleged voice mail.
7. I successfully averted a wardrobe crisis of catastrophic proportions.
8. I hate explaining my job to people.
9. I love watching Cory in his element and am willing to sit through extraordinarily boring dinners to do so, as long as I'm fed really well.
10. I have wanted to try puttanesca sauce ever since reading Belong to Me and finally had the opportunity to do so.

Dang. I'm out of lines. And this is the most important one, so just read my mind here. Go ahead, rub your temples. I've heard it helps...

What I wish I could say but will not say has to do with these two little sweetie-pies. I haven't seen them in 2 days and it's been great and all, but, well, you know....Just read I between miss the them lines.


  1. Hmm..I was totally agreeing with you until I realized that you said, "roasted beet" and not..."roasted beef!"

    : )

    Julie M.

    ps Awesome photo! Have you ever referred to your fashion sense as, "Farmgirl Prep?"

  2. Girl, you are a laugh-riot...seriously...I always know I'll get a hearty chuckle when reading your "prose" (what's wrong with prose, anyway, Mr. Boss Man? We like prose).

    I was reading some serious drivel on the plane on our trip last month...for some insane reason I brought the "Shopaholic" "book". Oh, my, to say it stunk, would be polite...I, too, tried skimming and then skimming turned to me looking around the plane wondering which women aboard actually liked this trite mess of a novel. Good grief, I finally left it in the pocket of the seat in front of me and opened "The Help"---now THAT is a good book.
    Skimming is okay...don't feel guilty! I skim-read directions in recipes all the, scratch that---I'm not known for my cooking. ha!
    Wordy tonight, aren't we? Sorry...too much coffee.
    Anyway, big fan of ALL your words over here, Flower Girlie...nice new pic too :)

  3. forgot to ask---what does one have as a main dish with a roasted beet?
    I'm a little frightened.

  4. Never trust a person who can't appreciate a roasted beet? I was always taught to never trust a person that doesn't like animals. I'm sure your mom would agree. I think we have a problem here...
    Hope you are hope to your little shorties soon! And P.S. I read every word you write. I even enjoy every word you write. If you had a fan club I would be president.

  5. If you had a fan club I would be vice-president!

  6. !!!!!!!!!! those babies are wearing footies !!!!!!!!!!!!

  7. The world is much more interesting with those who are "wordy" at least that is what my mom told me and I will be telling my little girl!

    It's much better to be know as a "social butterfly" than the class bully or snob!

    Here's to all of us social butterflies!

    Have a good rest of your trip!

  8. um....i love your prosey ways. i am always so glad i found your blog. and i love reading your "words". i'm still stuck on fur-ills from the last post....

    the last two non fiction books i read were a biography called "Life List" by Olivia Gentile and an autobiography called "The Little Locksmith" by Katharine Butler Hathaway.

    have a great day!

  9. So what do you do for a job? :)
    Ya know, I have friends that leave their kids and go on vacation for a week or more and I always wonder if I could do that...and to be honest I don't think I punk is like air I need to have him as much as possible!
    Your babies are just the cutest...and one last thing...I am not skimmer here...FYI!

  10. Please don't food-break-up with me if I can't agree with you on #4. Although you probably food-broke-up with me a long time ago, my meals always feel so bland next to your goat cheese and spinach and pomegranate seeds. Which I did try pom seeds for the first time at Thanksgiving and I did enjoy them. I just with they weren't $1.43 each at WalMart.
    Anyway....while your leg and butt muscles are crying out, maybe you should consider running the mini-marathon with me in Indy in May. :)

  11. I will be brief...
    A. I like your prose!
    B. I'd like you to explain your job to me.


  12. Never had a roasted beet, so can't not appreciate it, double negative.
    I can't read fiction either no more.
    I just really wrote that sentence.
    And I'm not erasing it.

  13. What's a Chop House Salad? I want one!

  14. here here on the roasted beets!

  15. You are so funny and sweet! And I never scan your entries, I read the whole thing!

  16. Did you really say roasted beet? I totally thought we were talkin' roast beef and I was all over it, but now...I'm not so sure.

    I read every word. Swear.

    I think I'm getting a little picky with my books too. I grabbed a book from the library two weeks ago and it's still sitting on my nightstand. I only got about 30 pages in. It's just boring, but I've read SO many good things about, I feel I must read it...someday.

    Kiddos are adorable.

  17. I get 3 and 8 totally. And yes, you are right, I'm about to break up. But, for the record, I enjoyed the book, but didn't love it and I think I probably scanned it too.