Saturday, December 5, 2009

Annual Cookie Bake-Off

So, today was cookie day. The ladies of Cory's immediate family gather for this event every year, and even though I show up 20 minutes late every year, they keep inviting me back.

I'm actually starting to think they'd be lost without my late arrival. If everyone showed up right at nine, who would bring all of the stuff that was forgotten? (At least, that's what I like to tell myself...)

For the ins and outs of the annual event, check this out.

By now, we work like a well-oiled machine.
And oil is, after all, the lifeblood of the internal combustion engine.

The problem is, there is a certain participant who chokes each and every year under the weight of this heaping load of festive pressure. She just can't quite get her act together. Last year, her pecan fudge bites turned into a giant batch of slop and ended up in the circular file. (Did any of you have "clever" high school teachers that used this term as though they were the wittiest and most amusing person on the face of the earth?)

This year, we had high hopes that she might produce something edible. We crossed all our fingers and toes. Her secret-recipe molasses cookies sounded SO good... She watched them like a hawk and baked them to soft, chewy perfection.


This year's lesson: Crisco can spoil, ya'll. Who knew??? Not this girl.

Those cookies emitted the most noxious fumes. And they tasted even worse. Some of the girls tried to be nice about it, and others knew there was no use and nearly spit them back in my face.

So...Merry Christmas, dumpster rats. Hope my rotten cookies don't give you the runs.

As you can imagine, these perfectly turned out candy canes and the charming gingerbread men and the oodles and oodles of chocolately yums did nothing to soften the blow of my third consecutive failure.

Hey - maybe when things slow down after the holidays you could all email me the recipe for the nastiest cookie you've ever tasted. At least then I would know the outcome going in.

Not that I don't already.

Ho Ho Ho.

24 comments:

  1. That sounds like so much fun... nasty cookies included. Most of the time my chocolate chip cookies look like melted gremlins... people say they still taste good... maybe they are afraid to make me cry.

    Have a great weekend
    Michelle

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  2. I found out that Crisco goes rancid in the EXACT same way--grandpa's molasses cookies. It was a shame too, they are a favorite. I feel your pain. :)

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  3. I always choke when I'm cooking for or anywhere near my Mother. She thinks I'm a terrible cook...meanwhile all of my friends and in-law think I'm a genuis in the kitchen...what gives? I love molasses cookies. I think I'll give them a go minus the rotten crisco. Next year is your year. You will wow them. Good luck with that. :)

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  4. LOL...so funny. I just put a plea out on my blog for some great cookie recipes. You should check out my comments section for some really good ones. Anyway, my town is having a cookie baking contest this coming weekend. I'm entering with one of my reader's recipes and I'm sweating, praying, and crossing all my fingers. Wish me luck!

    Glad you had fun despite your spoiled Crisco. I had no idea either!
    -FringeGirl

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  5. eww. and sorry about that. thank you for blazing the trail for the rest of us with the rancid crisco.

    i can't bake the really nifty, christmasy, sugar cookies! you know, the ones that ooze christmas cheer? THE COOKIES. roll them out, cut them, bake them, mix up your own secret frosting and decorate them. the kind that make you look like MARTHA herself.
    yeah, can't do those.
    but good for you. you can laugh about it!

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  6. I could give you many a recipe even gluten free? I feel so bad that I cannot be there to help or even soften the blow. I would be devastated. I am quite certain that the Crisco was tainted by a competitor. Crisco spoiling? Who knew? All of my love. Vickie

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  7. I had no idea about the crisco. I did discover, thanks to googling, that peanut oil that sits in your husbands turkey deep fryer for 2 plus years is no longer good. So I guess it stands to reason... I'm sorry about your disaster but happy that those women love you enough to put up with you anyway.

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  8. Nope. Didn't know about the Crisco. Butter, margarine, and shortening don't stay around very long in our house. If we have any of these items in the cupboard, we're going to be making dessert!! Sorry about your cookie disaster. Even if your cookies didn't taste so good, they sure did look pretty! :) Merry Christmas! Beth.

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  9. I knew it! I've always told everyone it just seems like Crisco would spoil but I've always been told it doesn't. I'm so glad I finally know it does. Although, I'm sorry to hear that your cookies would be the way I would find out :(

    The cookies look yummy and delightful and I'm sure you had a wonderful day with the fam. And you're right, they probably would be a little off kilter if you came on time, so you better do the same thing every year :) Happy Ho Ho Ho to you my friend!

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  10. what fun! i love gingersnaps! i need to check my crisco now. i cant even remember when i bought mine. i think i was in the 90's ;)

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  11. It sounds like a fun party, even if you do have issues with the cookies. ;)

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  12. Right there with you on the choking under pressure.

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  13. After dealing with the aftermath of bad Crisco twice, I now buy it in the smallest can available. Bad shortening is very...bad. Next year is your year though....the odds are in your favor.

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  14. I can bake a mean pie but cookies I have a hard time with. I almost choked on myself when I read about the rats with the runs. What a great and dirty image. Thank you... :)

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  15. ahahahhaa. i have lots of stories like this where my cooking and/or baking has failed from silly things i've done or haven't done. :D

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  16. How FUN does that sound!!! Oh my goodness!!! And you are too funny with your post...seriously I loved it! Who would have known they didn't taste well too...because they LOOK great!

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  17. You are so funny. I don't think there can be a nasty cookie. I love them all! It's a curse I know:)

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  18. Your cookie baking efforts sound just like my attempts to make dinner. I have the same results about 50% of the time with my dinners if I dare to venture from my usual tried and true fare of spaghetti, sloppy joes or spam fried rice.

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  19. hey, those are my candy canes! love them:)

    i think they originated out of a great bunch of recipes my mom got in the late 60's - early 70's? not sure...

    hopefully they guys & i will have a baking day before christmas that will produce some of our favorites.

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  20. That looks like so much fun! I'm jealous! The rancid Crisco would so happen to me! I never use it except for special baking!

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  21. I read the account from 2008 and noticed something interesting. Are striped cardigans required attire for this event? :)

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  22. My mom has the most stellar of all molasses cookie recipes. It comes from a very old farmer wife, which instantly means it's delicious. She passed away probably 20 years ago and the recipe lives on! If you're super nice to me ;) I will share it with you :):)

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  23. Those cookies all LOOK good. I love the ornament ones. Each year when you post about this, I find myself wishing I was a Martin girl! ;)

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