Friday, November 13, 2009

Pre-Sleep Debrief

It's been another smooth-sailing day around here, complete with finger-painting and fort-building. And tangly hair. And chips and salsa. All the regulars showed up today.

Only bump in the road - I've been stinking tired.

I wondered today if I have ever gone an entire "day" without yawning? Nope. Here's how I remember it: I was plagued with insomnia as a young'un. I had serious trouble falling asleep. I come from a long line of night owls. Plus, I always preferred a Sweet Valley High paperback to catching zzz's, anyway. In High School I officially discovered that sleeping was overrated (at least night-time sleeping, that is). Then along came college and I was in heaven! I could scrape by with minimal sleep during normal hours and catch up in various 50 minute increments throughout the following day. It was...dreamy!

One year post-college and it all caught up with me, in the form of Mono, which morphed into Chronic Fatigue Syndrome. (That's what they call it when you test off-the-charts for mono, then you turn around and do it all over again 6 months later.)

So, what can I say? I'm chronically fatigued. And I'm a dope, because one hour ago I set off for an early bedtime, only to be overcome en route by various thoughts that demanded action and attention.

1. I'm giving water for Christmas.
2. I miss my P. Hill friends.
3. I must finish The Promised World, but quick. The St. Joseph Co. public library loaned it to me, by way of Sarah. I/she has (have?) already incurred a late fee. I want to love the book, but so far, I only kind of like it. To be continued...
4. My oldest kid said to me today, "I feel very...tired today. No! No! I feel very pensive today." Swoony.
5. My girl said to me today (as she does roughly 187 times a day, 7 days a week) "Mommy, I love you so much in the whole special wewld." Swoony-Swoon.
6. I see more brown skinned babies in my future. (I don't know what to say - I'm tired and with sleepiness comes honesty.)
7. I feel change in the air around here. The fantastic kind. Some of the reasons are obvious, and others, I'm not even able to pin down.

Final thought:

I am so thankful to live the life that I live. I'm so blessed to live in this country, where I want for nothing. I am lucky. In my house, growing up, "lucky" was sort of a bad word. My Dad doesn't believe in luck, yadda yadda. I guess I don't really believe in it either, in its common form. But I use it frequently because for me, it feels true. I feel like I was plucked up and deposited into the most splendid life and to say that it is a blessing (which it is, I know) just seems kind of hoity-toity to me. It seems to imply somehow that I in the remotest of ways warrant what I have. And I certainly do not.

I could have been born in remote Africa, struggling each day to keep my children alive.

But I'm here. Because God heaped a big load of lucky on me.