Friday, November 13, 2009

Pre-Sleep Debrief

It's been another smooth-sailing day around here, complete with finger-painting and fort-building. And tangly hair. And chips and salsa. All the regulars showed up today.

Only bump in the road - I've been stinking tired.

I wondered today if I have ever gone an entire "day" without yawning? Nope. Here's how I remember it: I was plagued with insomnia as a young'un. I had serious trouble falling asleep. I come from a long line of night owls. Plus, I always preferred a Sweet Valley High paperback to catching zzz's, anyway. In High School I officially discovered that sleeping was overrated (at least night-time sleeping, that is). Then along came college and I was in heaven! I could scrape by with minimal sleep during normal hours and catch up in various 50 minute increments throughout the following day. It was...dreamy!

One year post-college and it all caught up with me, in the form of Mono, which morphed into Chronic Fatigue Syndrome. (That's what they call it when you test off-the-charts for mono, then you turn around and do it all over again 6 months later.)

So, what can I say? I'm chronically fatigued. And I'm a dope, because one hour ago I set off for an early bedtime, only to be overcome en route by various thoughts that demanded action and attention.

1. I'm giving water for Christmas.
2. I miss my P. Hill friends.
3. I must finish The Promised World, but quick. The St. Joseph Co. public library loaned it to me, by way of Sarah. I/she has (have?) already incurred a late fee. I want to love the book, but so far, I only kind of like it. To be continued...
4. My oldest kid said to me today, "I feel very...tired today. No! No! I feel very pensive today." Swoony.
5. My girl said to me today (as she does roughly 187 times a day, 7 days a week) "Mommy, I love you so much in the whole special wewld." Swoony-Swoon.
6. I see more brown skinned babies in my future. (I don't know what to say - I'm tired and with sleepiness comes honesty.)
7. I feel change in the air around here. The fantastic kind. Some of the reasons are obvious, and others, I'm not even able to pin down.

Final thought:

I am so thankful to live the life that I live. I'm so blessed to live in this country, where I want for nothing. I am lucky. In my house, growing up, "lucky" was sort of a bad word. My Dad doesn't believe in luck, yadda yadda. I guess I don't really believe in it either, in its common form. But I use it frequently because for me, it feels true. I feel like I was plucked up and deposited into the most splendid life and to say that it is a blessing (which it is, I know) just seems kind of hoity-toity to me. It seems to imply somehow that I in the remotest of ways warrant what I have. And I certainly do not.

I could have been born in remote Africa, struggling each day to keep my children alive.

But I'm here. Because God heaped a big load of lucky on me.


  1. I just wanted to stop by and tell you how much I enjoy your blog. You have a beautiful family and I enjoy hearing about your life on the farm. The stories of your kids being happier with boxes, crayons etc than big -glitzy toys reminds me of myself as a child. I can still remember when I was young my dad bringing home a large pile of scrap paper from work. One side had been typed on, but the other side was blank. A giant pile of paper that I could draw on- I was giddy with excitement. I must have been around 5. I still get excited around a new box of crayons, freshly sharpened colored pencils, new paintbrushes etc. :)

  2. I love this... I can tell you are a great mom and I enjoy reading so many of your posts... Thanks for sharing.:)

  3. Love your post! I just love the way you share...

  4. :) :) Your day, despite the sleep of course, sounds absolutely wonderful. You are one lucky/blessed girl.

    P.S. Can't wait to see a picture of Silas...I was sad I didn't get to see it last night.

  5. sweet valley high! i forgot about that! and girl, as much stuff as you get done in a day...i wish i was as tired as you! you blow me away!!! i am not stepping off this blog until i get to your sweet new addition post..i am so behind!!!

  6. Amen sister! I enjoy your blog so much.

  7. Love this post! I can relate to the mono...I had to drop out of my 1st semester of college and was hospitalized after a 3 month battle with it. It took probably a year to fully recover and regain my strength. Sorry to hear about your chronic fatigue. Your family is beautiful and your blog uplifting.

  8. Your feelings are too familiar to me. I had mono when I had 3 children under 6 yrs. old, and was over a year before I was "well" again. Then for a few years I was always tired and my body hurt most of the time. Finally, in the 80's the Drs. gave it the name of Fibromyalgia and Chronic Fatigue. It's a miserable way to hurt all the time, but do what you need to do for YOU, because nobody knows how
    you feel, except you and God !! REST and sleep and be deserve it!

  9. I am lucky to have you for a friend. I don't care if it sounds hoity-toity.

  10. amen sister, we are all so blessed to live here!! I love your ramblings and chips and salsa!

  11. Good post! No, great post! Love you!

  12. This post is as sWeeT as AmeRicAn PiE!

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