Tuesday, August 11, 2009

Throwback - Adoption

As an adoptive mama, it is impossible for me to go through the birthday of one of my kiddos without thinking about the special gift they are to us and without praying for their birth families. Today has been no exception. In honor of today and all that it means to us, I thought I would post an old entry, from my old blog.

Tuesday, November 18, 2008

A Theory of Relativity
By Jacquelyn Mitchard
see related

When you least expect it...A gift.

I picked up a new book at the library a couple of weeks ago.
Typically, I choose books based on whether or not I like the cover and/or title.
The cover on this one caught my eye...the picture is of a little girl's feet "dancing" on top of her daddy's feet. The color is faded and the photo is a little blurry. Check.

The title is A Theory of Relativity. I don't know why I was drawn to this title, but it probably had something to do with my profound love for Albert Einstein (even though my killer, honed instincts told me that the book probably was not about him.) Anyway, check.

Oh, in all fairness, the author is someone I had heard of before. She wrote The Deep End of the Ocean. I think I saw the movie? So...check?

Imagine my surprise when I discovered, 8 pages in, that the main character was adopted. And, in fact, adoption is the central theme of this book. (Oh, that title is making sense now!) As you can imagine, I am always excited to see this topic crop up. Especially when I least expect it.

Then, on page nine, I found one of the most succinct truths about adoption that I have ever come across. I read and re-read it. Then I dog-eared the page so I wouldn't lose it. (Apologies to you, Wakarusa Public Library.)

"They would have to explain to Keefer about that collision of forfeit and gift, the truth of all adoptions."

A collision of forfeit and gift.
Have truer words ever been spoken? Maybe so, but I haven't seen 'em.

It got me thinking about all of the concentric circles...
My children will always live with the reality of having forfeited their birth parents...but we are their gift.
Their birth parents surely experienced and still experience utter forfeit, the likes of which most of us will never know. But their choice was a gift to the children they bore and love and I believe that our role in God's plan is a gift to them.
And yes, I suppose that we have forfeited having biological children...but this is where the train veers slightly off the track for me, because we have never, ever, since the day we first filled out paperwork felt a pinch of loss or sorrow over this. And that is a gift.

But mostly, Ruby River and Calvin Lee are our gifts.

It's funny to me when I remember that not all parents think about these things on a daily basis. It all makes me nervous sometimes...we are navigating this path in real time. But God has directed us every step of the way and I have reason to believe that he won't stop.

I think of Ruby's birth mom all of the time. I pray for her. I see her cheeks on my daughter's face. I miss her. I love her. And I wish I could hug Calvin's birth mom like I've hugged Shosh so many times before. I love her, too.

I know, this doesn't make sense to most of you. Why would it?
The great thing is, it made sense to Lorraine (she's the mom in the book who adopted her two kids)...Here's what she said:

"Georgia, you're my child. I only love you. I love the mother who gave birth to you. I love the father who made her pregnant. I would let them come to live at our house if they would promise not to take you away. Of course, you replaced the baby I couldn't have. You didn't only replace her, you...erased her. She never existed. When you were little, I...people would sometimes think I'd given birth to you because we looked alike. At first, I got a kick out of that. I did want to feel like everyone else. But after a while, it bothered me. It was like I was letting people pretend it was better that you looked as though you came form me. I wished you were blond, like Gordie, and six feet tall, so you would know for sure I didn't have to pretend that you came from my body to love you. I just love you, not some facsimile of me."

I'm all aflutter here, just for reading that again.

What a gift, this journey we're on.


  1. It seems copy-and-paste is not a function that Blogger approves of. Have fun figuring out the last word at the end of each sentence! Think of it as an exciting guessing game...a brain teaser!


  2. This was a lovely post. I understand what you're saying. Although I do not have an adopted child, my husband and I are in the process. We were actually awaiting immigration approval to get our little boy from S. Korea when we found out that there was a good possibility that he had a fatal disease. It was absolutely heartbreaking. And although we had never physically met Jin, he was already our son in our hearts.

    Now we are resting in God, waiting for His further direction in this journey of adoption. We made the very heartwrenching decision not to proceed with Jin's adoption. That was back in February. I still have his pics up in my house. I still think about him EVERY day. I still wonder why things turned out the way they did. But I know God has a plan for Jin. And He has a family that is perfect for Jin, that will be able to provide for all his needs.

    Anyway, thanks for sharing your heart in this post. Adoption is something very special and your children are a gift from God Himself.

  3. What a beautiful post! Your children are very blessed to have you as their Mother. I know for a fact I was placed on this Earth by God to be the Mother of my two girls. I think you have been placed to be the Mother of Calvin, Ruby and your soon-to-be new son.

    Blessings to you and to your family!

  4. That is such a sweet post. Those are very fortunate children to have been blessed to come into your family.

  5. Beautiful post. What a special gift you are to those precious children!!

  6. those kids are so blessed to have been adopted by you! Very, sweet post! what a wonderful blessing.

  7. Very sweet post! Darling little babies. You seem like a wonderful mother!

  8. you also have a beautiful gift in expressing your love and gratitude for those sweet little muffins! what a wonderful post! xoxo

  9. Just as good of a read the second time around...

  10. Calvin and Ruby are blessed to call you "Mommy" and I am blessed to call you "friend." You are wonderful!

  11. Even though I don't know any of you, I love you all too... birth parents, adoptive parents, babies... all a beautiful part of God's perfect plan.

  12. I am adopted and this book is now on my to read list. Thank you!

  13. We're lucky to be parents aren't we, all of us, whether we've adopted or given birth in the traditional way. Lucky Lucky mommies! Your children are so beautiful!

  14. WOW...just happened to see your post on My Sweet Savannah's blog list and read this post. I'm an adoptive mom as well and I know exactly what you mean and how you feel!! Thank you for this post and for mentioning this book. I want to read it now too! :)

  15. Beautiful Post! The line about adoption being a collision of forfeit and gift, gave me chills. Our next door neighbors adopted both their children (a boy & a girl 6 months apart) and their story is amazing...as is every adoption story I hear. I think one way or another (by birth/adoption), God has a way of putting people together who were MEANT to be together. I am happy for you and the journey you are on!

  16. You make my heart and arms long for the day when we adopt! Thanks for sharing your experience with us!

  17. Well it's no wonder you re-posted this one...it's definitely worth repeating. How wonderful! Beautiful words...

    :) T

  18. I just stumbled across your blog today and what a gift! Look at this first post - caught my eye - as I have adopted a little girlie. Beautiful...

  19. I missed this post the first time around. What a beautiful read. My heart mirrors the feelings in yours as I daily praise God for the gift of Lily, yet ache for all that she sacrificed in order to come to me: birth family, language, and culture just to name a few. She will one day have to come to peace with all the decisions that were made for her, in her best interest, but without her consent. And the sacrifice her birth family made out of love for a child they did not feel they could parent with medical needs that perhaps overwhelmed them. The risk they took to place her in a public spot to be found and taken care of were great. I think about her birth parents, especially her birth mother, a lot. If only she could see what a happy, healthy, beautiful little girl Lily is, that she is safe and loved, maybe she could make peace with herself, too.

  20. I mentioned your post on my blog today. Thanks again for sharing this! :)