Tuesday, August 11, 2009

Throwback - Adoption

As an adoptive mama, it is impossible for me to go through the birthday of one of my kiddos without thinking about the special gift they are to us and without praying for their birth families. Today has been no exception. In honor of today and all that it means to us, I thought I would post an old entry, from my old blog.

Tuesday, November 18, 2008

A Theory of Relativity
By Jacquelyn Mitchard
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When you least expect it...A gift.

I picked up a new book at the library a couple of weeks ago.
Typically, I choose books based on whether or not I like the cover and/or title.
The cover on this one caught my eye...the picture is of a little girl's feet "dancing" on top of her daddy's feet. The color is faded and the photo is a little blurry. Check.

The title is A Theory of Relativity. I don't know why I was drawn to this title, but it probably had something to do with my profound love for Albert Einstein (even though my killer, honed instincts told me that the book probably was not about him.) Anyway, check.

Oh, in all fairness, the author is someone I had heard of before. She wrote The Deep End of the Ocean. I think I saw the movie? So...check?

Imagine my surprise when I discovered, 8 pages in, that the main character was adopted. And, in fact, adoption is the central theme of this book. (Oh, that title is making sense now!) As you can imagine, I am always excited to see this topic crop up. Especially when I least expect it.

Then, on page nine, I found one of the most succinct truths about adoption that I have ever come across. I read and re-read it. Then I dog-eared the page so I wouldn't lose it. (Apologies to you, Wakarusa Public Library.)

"They would have to explain to Keefer about that collision of forfeit and gift, the truth of all adoptions."

A collision of forfeit and gift.
Have truer words ever been spoken? Maybe so, but I haven't seen 'em.

It got me thinking about all of the concentric circles...
My children will always live with the reality of having forfeited their birth parents...but we are their gift.
Their birth parents surely experienced and still experience utter forfeit, the likes of which most of us will never know. But their choice was a gift to the children they bore and love and I believe that our role in God's plan is a gift to them.
And yes, I suppose that we have forfeited having biological children...but this is where the train veers slightly off the track for me, because we have never, ever, since the day we first filled out paperwork felt a pinch of loss or sorrow over this. And that is a gift.

But mostly, Ruby River and Calvin Lee are our gifts.

It's funny to me when I remember that not all parents think about these things on a daily basis. It all makes me nervous sometimes...we are navigating this path in real time. But God has directed us every step of the way and I have reason to believe that he won't stop.

I think of Ruby's birth mom all of the time. I pray for her. I see her cheeks on my daughter's face. I miss her. I love her. And I wish I could hug Calvin's birth mom like I've hugged Shosh so many times before. I love her, too.

I know, this doesn't make sense to most of you. Why would it?
The great thing is, it made sense to Lorraine (she's the mom in the book who adopted her two kids)...Here's what she said:

"Georgia, you're my child. I only love you. I love the mother who gave birth to you. I love the father who made her pregnant. I would let them come to live at our house if they would promise not to take you away. Of course, you replaced the baby I couldn't have. You didn't only replace her, you...erased her. She never existed. When you were little, I...people would sometimes think I'd given birth to you because we looked alike. At first, I got a kick out of that. I did want to feel like everyone else. But after a while, it bothered me. It was like I was letting people pretend it was better that you looked as though you came form me. I wished you were blond, like Gordie, and six feet tall, so you would know for sure I didn't have to pretend that you came from my body to love you. I just love you, not some facsimile of me."

I'm all aflutter here, just for reading that again.

What a gift, this journey we're on.